How do I help my aspie boyfriend?

Post Reply New Topic

am NT and have an aspie boyfriend. Everything is going fantastic but I have a question about how I can best help in the following situation.

- My boyfriend works really hard and is very successful at his job
- However, he sometimes goes out with friends (which I encourage him to do)
- but, then gets quite drunk....(cant handle alcohol that well and alcohol lets him enjoy those social situations better)

I dont have a problem with this thus far...

The problem I have is that I know when he goes out with his friends and has a good time with them he will then come back home and will be completely exhausted - wont want me around, wont want to speak, if I ask him about his work or say he should be doing something then he will shout at me to be quiet. I know, I know - all part of being an aspie....and I can deal with this and just let him sleep and make him cups of tea!

However, my issue is that how can I explain to him that if he goes out and has fun then he needs to plan that the next day he can relax and be on his own? He doesnt seem to understand that he is not like everyone else who can just get up and get on with life with a bit of a hangover. Whenever I mention this he thinks im trying to stop him going out or im critising him....well im not...Its just that I know that his work suffers after he goes out as he loses focus and I guess our relationship suffers as I have to be really patient and give him space for about 48 hours later.....

What do other aspies do about when they go out and then have a 'meltdown'? do you plan for them? do you know when they are going to happen?

It like that I can foresee what is going to happen and I try to prevent it but it causes resentment from my boyfriend........so I'm just not sure what to do...

Any help or comments greatly appreciated!! !

Does he just blow off any responsibilities or commitments the day after going out and drinking? Does he consistently drink to excess? It could be more of an issue with the alcohol than problems from other sources.

The asking him about his work, he may be taking it as a nagging of sorts, even if you only mean well and are trying to look out for him. Have you told him (while he's been sober and not after a night of drinking) why you're handling things in the way you have been?

Hi...
I can relate a bit to your experience with your aspie bf as i think my ex goes into what you call meltdown ( being exahusted, absent, and with his hedgog spikes up) after any activity that requires too much emotional closeness, passion or social activity. Unfrtunately me and bf had t finish as the heartbreak f this was too much to take for both. i had essential needs for emotional intimacy that he was unable to meet and there were too many meltdowns for my self respect. I had to remember that he is mre than aspergers, that everyone needs to be self aware and be responsible for themselves.I can see your concern fr your bf lack f interest at wrk after a wild night wich involves lots alcohol. Even though aspies can be a bit naive at times he has to see the dangers this poses to the relationship and his work...as well as his health. Mine choose work and staying in the comfort zone for a while more. My choice would have been t cross the bridge even if it felt unnatural to me t relate in his language and respect his sometimes abismal spaces...We remain good friends but i need to respect and take care of my own needs and respect that he is taking care of his. Hes a grown up. Love him...but im allergic to spikes...even if they come from a lovely hedgog...though my hope is not lost for now i need me to be for me.