Attracted to opposite belief system...a red alarm?

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MagicMike
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04 Apr 2008, 12:35 am

It's generally no surprise that I don't believe in the Good Book or any other book for that manner (meaning sorry Popol Vuh, Vedas, etc), and when questioned on it I WILL usually defend my lack of belief by stating either apparent contradictions in a faith, denouncing threats of hell as argumentum ad baculum attacks, or otherwise attempting to maintain some degree of rationality.

This said, I have generally noticed a great majority of people I've been attracted to fall under the pattern of faith playing a relatively large role in their lives, being moral but not self-righteous people. A vast majority fell under some denomination of Christianity, one girl a Jewish religious studies major. I myself personally consider faith an eccentricity at best but am capable of paying lip service to it.

That said, while volunteering with Habitat for Humanities, I met a rather cute girl two years my younger. She said in a casual conversation she's in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend, although she hasn't mentioned any hint of interest in me. Neither have I in that regard. Since I served as a driver, she and several other people conversed while I was driving, talking about their plans for the future, kids/etc. "What about you Mike?" "I don't intend to have kids in the future" "That's four against one...why?" "Its not the thing you plan for" "What does your girlfriend think about that?" "I'm single...surprised?" "Not really..." etc. Does liking this girl sound like a recipie for disaster? Should I in general avoid people with opposing belief systems? etc?



slowmutant
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04 Apr 2008, 7:04 am

MagicMike wrote:
It's generally no surprise that I don't believe in the Good Book or any other book for that manner (meaning sorry Popol Vuh, Vedas, etc), and when questioned on it I WILL usually defend my lack of belief by stating either apparent contradictions in a faith, denouncing threats of hell as argumentum ad baculum attacks, or otherwise attempting to maintain some degree of rationality.

This said, I have generally noticed a great majority of people I've been attracted to fall under the pattern of faith playing a relatively large role in their lives, being moral but not self-righteous people. A vast majority fell under some denomination of Christianity, one girl a Jewish religious studies major. I myself personally consider faith an eccentricity at best but am capable of paying lip service to it.

That said, while volunteering with Habitat for Humanities, I met a rather cute girl two years my younger. She said in a casual conversation she's in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend, although she hasn't mentioned any hint of interest in me. Neither have I in that regard. Since I served as a driver, she and several other people conversed while I was driving, talking about their plans for the future, kids/etc. "What about you Mike?" "I don't intend to have kids in the future" "That's four against one...why?" "Its not the thing you plan for" "What does your girlfriend think about that?" "I'm single...surprised?" "Not really..." etc. Does liking this girl sound like a recipie for disaster? Should I in general avoid people with opposing belief systems? etc?


Sounds to me like you've got a decision to make. Change your belief system to something new, or allow your current belief-system to isolate you from others. Or could you somehow find a compromise?

Argumentum ad baculum? I'd have to look that up.



MissConstrue
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04 Apr 2008, 7:56 am

I don't agree with what the girl said and it sounds like they got issues. However not being of religious faith just spiritual myself, that's a little harsh to judge someone because they believe in something unless of course they're trying to get you to convert or put their belief on you.

I mean it sounds like you're being prejudice. Just because someone is religious and acts crazy doesn't mean they're all like that. I've met a lot of people who were religious yet open-minded. For example, I could say the same of not wanting to date a Jew because I was Christian. In my opinion, that's very outdated and shallow.


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MagicMike
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04 Apr 2008, 8:01 am

Argumentum ad Baculum, also known as an appeal to punishment. It's closely related to the Argumentum ad metum (the appeal to fear), the general argument being "if you do not follow this, BAD things will happen." For instance "if we do not support revoking the Bill of Rights, then the terrorists have won" or "if you don't believe, you'll burn in the fiery pits." They make irrational conclusions based on emotional thought, without proper backing for their claims. For instance, WHY will the terrorists win? Even if there are correlated events, correlation does not result in causation.

I honestly feel everyone is entitled to their beliefs, the exception being when society is threatened as a whole (e.g. the suicide cult of doom is a nono) or when the beliefs are used to foster hatred and ignorance. When being presented with an opposing belief system, I will try to look up everything to see why people believe in it, and find out whether there is any validity to some of its tenets.



Aspie_Chav
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04 Apr 2008, 8:15 am

Find compatability and common ground you have with their belief system. Family value and balief in th greater good. Lack of Christain values is the problem with the UK. I try not to elaberate on the fact that Christianity is an evolved lie.

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MagicMike
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04 Apr 2008, 8:59 am

MissConstrue wrote:
I don't agree with what the girl said and it sounds like they got issues. However not being of religious faith just spiritual myself, that's a little harsh to judge someone because they believe in something unless of course they're trying to get you to convert or put their belief on you.

I mean it sounds like you're being prejudice. Just because someone is religious and acts crazy doesn't mean they're all like that. I've met a lot of people who were religious yet open-minded. For example, I could say the same of not wanting to date a Jew because I was Christian. In my opinion, that's very outdated and shallow.


I never said ALL people were like that. That would be a sweeping generalization or a hasty conclusion. "Preacher bob is crazy. Therefore all Xstians are crazy." You have to judge people on a case-by-case basis.



ToadOfSteel
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04 Apr 2008, 9:11 am

MagicMike wrote:
It's generally no surprise that I don't believe in the Good Book or any other book for that manner (meaning sorry Popol Vuh, Vedas, etc), and when questioned on it I WILL usually defend my lack of belief by stating either apparent contradictions in a faith, denouncing threats of hell as argumentum ad baculum attacks, or otherwise attempting to maintain some degree of rationality.

This said, I have generally noticed a great majority of people I've been attracted to fall under the pattern of faith playing a relatively large role in their lives, being moral but not self-righteous people. A vast majority fell under some denomination of Christianity, one girl a Jewish religious studies major. I myself personally consider faith an eccentricity at best but am capable of paying lip service to it.

That said, while volunteering with Habitat for Humanities, I met a rather cute girl two years my younger. She said in a casual conversation she's in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend, although she hasn't mentioned any hint of interest in me. Neither have I in that regard. Since I served as a driver, she and several other people conversed while I was driving, talking about their plans for the future, kids/etc. "What about you Mike?" "I don't intend to have kids in the future" "That's four against one...why?" "Its not the thing you plan for" "What does your girlfriend think about that?" "I'm single...surprised?" "Not really..." etc. Does liking this girl sound like a recipie for disaster? Should I in general avoid people with opposing belief systems? etc?


Unfortunately, most people that are into volunteering initiatives such as Habitat are also somewhat into faith-based initiatives. As long as you don't try to convert each other (or try to shove your beliefs down each other's throats) or get into huge disputes involving any potential children, I don't see why that couldn't work out...

As for me, I go to a largely liberal-to-moderate church. When I was going through high school, the group of people that went to my church were the least crazy ones, in my opinion. The crazy people were almost always drawn from the group of people with either no faith system set up, or the ones that ostensibly did but never attended any religious functions. (Not that ALL of them were crazy, but the crazies were always from the group)... For the most part, though, we didn't bring up religion in conversation, so the people in my school were largely able to get along...



MissConstrue
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04 Apr 2008, 10:19 am

MagicMike wrote:

This said, I have generally noticed a great majority of people I've been attracted to fall under the pattern of faith playing a relatively large role in their lives, being moral but not self-righteous people. A vast majority fell under some denomination of Christianity, one girl a Jewish religious studies major. I myself personally consider faith an eccentricity at best but am capable of paying lip service to it.



Ok, maybe I misconstrued you there, but I guess it's your belief that anyone with faith in anything is eccentric? :?

The last sentence.


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MagicMike
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04 Apr 2008, 11:29 am

MissConstrue wrote:
MagicMike wrote:

This said, I have generally noticed a great majority of people I've been attracted to fall under the pattern of faith playing a relatively large role in their lives, being moral but not self-righteous people. A vast majority fell under some denomination of Christianity, one girl a Jewish religious studies major. I myself personally consider faith an eccentricity at best but am capable of paying lip service to it.



Ok, maybe I misconstrued you there, but I guess it's your belief that anyone with faith in anything is eccentric? :?

The last sentence.


I don't consider eccentricity a bad thing. Being on the spectrum, I'm sure there are a lot of people that think the same of me. So long as the faith remains harmless and the person doesn't use it as a pillar to support hatred and other evils, I generally don't have much issue with it.



MissConstrue
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04 Apr 2008, 12:20 pm

Alright, just checking. I've always liked a little eccentricity myself, it's what makes ppl different. 8)


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JohnHopkins
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04 Apr 2008, 5:54 pm

MagicMike wrote:
It's generally no surprise that I don't believe in the Good Book or any other book for that manner (meaning sorry Popol Vuh, Vedas, etc), and when questioned on it I WILL usually defend my lack of belief by stating either apparent contradictions in a faith, denouncing threats of hell as argumentum ad baculum attacks, or otherwise attempting to maintain some degree of rationality.

This said, I have generally noticed a great majority of people I've been attracted to fall under the pattern of faith playing a relatively large role in their lives, being moral but not self-righteous people.


It sounds like you need to dial down your own self-righteous quotient too. Just because it's your opinion doesn't mean you're right, and no I don't have a faith.

Quote:
I myself personally consider faith an eccentricity at best but am capable of paying lip service to it.


Starting a relationship of by considering someone else's core belief as an 'eccentricity' to which you pay 'lip service' is a bad move. It might work out at the start, but if you want a hope of going long term, you can't just bite your tongue or lie to her forever. Sooner or later, bad s**t will go down. Quite apart from which a lot of people argue that the Bible forbids a lasting relationship with a non-believer due to the 'uneven yoke,' but then others say that's not the context it's used in.

Quote:
Does liking this girl sound like a recipie for disaster? Should I in general avoid people with opposing belief systems? etc?


Not necessarily. Is she devout? What are her opinions on pre-marital sex, etc.? Does she debate her faith with people, or consider it sacrosanct, or what?



yesplease
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04 Apr 2008, 8:25 pm

Based on your criteria, you need more information IMO. If yer curious, go out and find out.



Cyanide
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05 Apr 2008, 1:58 am

The only girl I ever loved was extremely religious...and I think that was one of the main factors that resulted in the relationship's demise.



techstepgenr8tion
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05 Apr 2008, 3:42 am

Mike, that's how most people just BS and chat eachother up. Plus, with a lot of people, they've either been training themselves on conformity all their lives or it just comes naturally - guess they just aren't a divergent crowd. I wouldn't be too critical of it, take it as well-intended, it may be their way of saying they think you could do well for yourself. Still, I would recommend doing what you did - being polite but blowing a bit of smoke. This is part of why I really don't feel that exited about trying to get out and date though, when conformity is at such a premium I cringe at the thought of what happens when people chisel their way past my facade.