advice for Aspie males as an NT male

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I am an NT male and I have Aspie friends. They either seem not interested in girls as much as I or the typical NT is or they go for these horrible girls. I am a shy NT but I also know the difference between a b***h and a sweet girl. My Aspie friends don't. So here is my advice to the Aspie males out there:
1. Don't go by anything you read (yea I know your reading this). Go by actual life experience within your own family. For example, I am a man below average height but I love tall women. I used to say before I started dating I can't ask girl out who is tallerer than me This was when I was a freshman in high school. A best friend in my family who is short for a man is married to a talll sexy woman. So then I used that logic and I asked out that tall girl I had a crush on. I was in my first relationship.
2. Don't think about your competition because it is irrelevant. Yes thats right. Who cares about that dumb jock, he does not necessarily get all the pretty girls. My mother was (and still is) very beautiful, she always told me how she hated jocks and how stupid they were. She even made fun of those guys behind there back because they were anti-intelectual and tended to be low-class. My second girlfriend who was incredibly sexy, had mostly dated hockey players and when I asked her what it was like to have a boyfriend who had never played sports and watched less sports than she did she said, "I frankly haven't really thought about it."

3. Don't try to be someone your not. Did woody allen try to be an alpha-male like cary grant? no. Did he even consider Cary Grants' existence, no. It is a pointless exercise to try and say why does that alpha-male captain of the hockey team, get girls easier than me. First of all why is what anyone else is doing relevant to your hapiness. It's not? This is entirely psychological.

4. A lot of girls like to take care of there boyfriends. I have found that a lot of girls like to help out and take care of me. Remember women have maternal instincts, so a lot of them like someoneone to take care of. Why do you think nurses are mostly women? All of my girlfriends apart from the physical attraction ahd one thing in common: they were all very nurturing. It is important to remeber that it is always good to give back a lot to these types of girls, because they tend to be very giving and a relationship is about two people giving two each other. I always bought my girlfriends lots of presents, and given them strong emotional support. In my opinion as an NT who has observed and seen the ways of Aspie males, nurturing women are the only type to go for.

5. Don't try to be fretting about what the girl wants think about what is your type. This is actually advice that was given to me.

The reality of who the men in my family date is even more depressing than what I have to read. Plenty of attractive women not dissimilar to those who wouldn't give me a second glance.

Funny, in my family it is just the opposite... with the exception of my dad, who did quite well with my mother, most of the men in my family end up with women whom I wouldn't give a second glance... now THAT is depressing!

It's heckling time...

Yeah I guess you're right on this point. Too many people are drawn to popular media to tell them what is attractive and what isn't. I'm disgusted at how superficial some people (both genders) can be in this area...


Competition doesn't necessarily just mean jocks. I went to a high school that was largely devoid of pure jock culture (the "athletes" on our football team often played Halo 2 in their free time...) Anyway, jocks aren't the only ones that constantly get women... there are other people, many of them disregarding the superficial as I do, and they still get women while I stay on the sidelines.


While I agree with you on the "alpha-male isn't everything" concept (suck it LPP), I try to be myself, and it doesn't work in terms of getting women. Being myself does offer other benefits to happiness... I'm not as stressed out by trying to put on a facade, and it gives me more time to enjoy things for myself, but it doesn't get me women...

The main problem with "being myself" is that my natural tendency prevents me from getting attracted to a woman unless I've known her for long enough (on average it's about a month's time)... I also can't think of women in terms of "types" when I'm actually considering romance; I can only see a woman for who she is specifically. That means that I can't just "move on" to the next woman in the room if I'm turned down...


If women want to "take care" of their boyfriends/husbands/etc, why do they get so annoyed when they actually end up doing just that? Maternal instincts only kick in once a woman has already had a child


In my case, how happy I am is directly connected to how happy a prospective woman is. And, as I said earlier, I don't see types...

Speaking as an Aspie woman, even before I knew I had AS, I was rarely attracted to NT men, and looking back, I have alway been drawn to if not other Aspies, at least men who were intelligent, intense, and eccentric. I know for me at least, there is a built in attraction to you guys but must not have been able to connect somehow. I think you need to have confidence in your own ability to reach us because I know I'm to shy and awkward to do it even though I am considered attractive. I just don't have it in me to flirt or make the first move.

And an aspie can die like an aspie, alone. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS to the average sweet aspie, while typical NT is married with kids.
DO YOU THINK THIS HAS EVEN BEEN THE CASE FOR AN ASPIE


Woody Allen is rich. I don’t know about the man but I can bet he was not attractive until he became rich. He is high on the social pecking order.

So far as happiness, loneliness robs you of happiness. The sun does not shine so vacations are useless to you, hobbies such as computer hobbies can’t shelter you. Drink will make you depressed instead of happy, and it will not work even temporary.

What kind of women do you find attractive? Can you post pictures of women you find attractive and explain if those are the types you are only interested in?

I didn't mean that I had a definite type as such, I couldn't really tell you what kind of woman I find attractive. By "not dissimilar to" I meant something like "in the same league as"

How many aspie friends? Does water cause Asperger where you live?

I agree. This is crucial.

It's never worth it putting on a facade. Even if jocks get more girls than you do, I can guarantee that if you're not a jock, the types of woman they get would be completely incompatible with you.

As an eccentric (albeit a woman, not a man), I've learned that the best way to find people who would be a good match for me is to be as blatantly eccentric around the people I'm considering as I would be around anyone else. If they're not interested and would rather have a woman who's not 'emotionally intense' or 'intellectually frightening'... well, it may hurt for a time when I find that they're not the one, but at least I know that it never would have worked out anyway.

The same goes for men. I like my current romantic interest because he's talented, he's unusual, he refuses to stand on ceremony and he tells you exactly what he thinks, whether it's flattering or not. If he hadn't acted like someone with Asperger's, I probably wouldn't have been interested.

The right woman will not want to change you and will not want you to be something you're not. She'll value you for your honesty.

I have more to say about this. I learnt a little something on my date yestorday.