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zen_mistress
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23 Jul 2010, 1:07 am

There is that saying "Nice guys finish last." How come there isnt a saying: "Nice girls finish last." Is it because people think nice girls are somehow luckier than nice guys?

Today I was in the carpark and had a run-in with this horrible, stroppy, aggressive woman my age, and she ended up winning somehow and I ended up having to back my car up.

It made me so mad as she was so rude and aggressive when she didnt need to be, and I could see that she was probably successful in her life, the kind of person who always got what she wanted, whereas I dont have such success, I dont have what I want or even anything resembling it. So, what is the point of being a nice girl?

Or do people think that that rule doesnt apply to females?


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Hector
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23 Jul 2010, 1:19 am

"The rule" as it applies to males isn't even clear, never mind correct. For instance, you have people disputing over what it means to be a "nice guy" as opposed to a "jerk", and under what circumstances they "finish last".

In any case I'm not sure how much it applies to women, but I doubt that's the popular perception. I expect you'll find people more often saying that it doesn't matter how nice or nasty you are to a man as long as you catch his eye.



Last edited by Hector on 23 Jul 2010, 2:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Apple_in_my_Eye
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23 Jul 2010, 1:43 am

It does seem an eternal problem: if being a rude, self-centered a**hole doesn't impede success in love, frienship, and in general, then why bother trying to be a decent person?

I suspect the truth is that such people aren't always jerks, or jerks to everyone -- I think they're probably just really good at sizing up when they need to look like a good person, and when they don't. IOW, they're two-faced, and skilled at applying it at the right times. Suck up to the boss and treat the housekeeper like dirt.

Also, like how some people who great to their friends, but sh*t to anybody else. If they exist in a tight group (few outsiders), then their friends never really see the person's ugly side, and so they think they're great.



Chronos
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23 Jul 2010, 1:51 am

I've considered this issue before. What is the female equivalent of "nice guy syndrome"?

I think it would be "modest girl syndrome"

Women who don't wear a ton of makeup, don't put out on the first date..second date, third date, fourth date...etc until marriage....or maybe not.

Maybe "clingy women syndrome" but even that seems lacking as an equivalent.

The problem is, men with nice guy syndrome tend to blame their problems on others, ie, the women who won't date them, while women in generally tend not to blame men who won't date them for not dating them, and almost always feel it has something to do with not being pretty enough.

While the men might dwell on their bitter feelings for women, women are more apt to go read some romance novel or watch the lifetime channel.

But the nice modest women are not going to get the "A list" guys. "A list" guys will always go for a supermodel, singer, or actress.



Ambrose_Rotten
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23 Jul 2010, 2:10 am

Chronos wrote:
I've considered this issue before. What is the female equivalent of "nice guy syndrome"?

I think it would be "modest girl syndrome"

Women who don't wear a ton of makeup, don't put out on the first date..second date, third date, fourth date...etc until marriage....or maybe not.

Maybe "clingy women syndrome" but even that seems lacking as an equivalent.

The problem is, men with nice guy syndrome tend to blame their problems on others, ie, the women who won't date them, while women in generally tend not to blame men who won't date them for not dating them, and almost always feel it has something to do with not being pretty enough.

While the men might dwell on their bitter feelings for women, women are more apt to go read some romance novel or watch the lifetime channel.

But the nice modest women are not going to get the "A list" guys. "A list" guys will always go for a supermodel, singer, or actress.


1) This may be irrelevant, but the term "Putting out" bugs me. It turns sex into something that women "give" to men, rather than something that is a mutually enjoyed dynamo for intimacy. I feel this is harmful for both women and men.

2) The "A list?" I'm not sure what you consider the "A list" to be. My personal definition of what "A list" women are is completely different then what the majority dictates (and my definition is better). :lol: If your "A list" guys always go for the supermodel, singer, or actress, why do you consider them to be on your "A list?"



LittleTigger
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23 Jul 2010, 2:18 am

zen_mistress wrote:
It made me so mad as she was so rude and aggressive when she didnt need to be, and I could see that she was probably successful in her life, the kind of person who always got what she wanted, whereas I dont have such success, I dont have what I want or even anything resembling it.


I get in trubble alot with these kinds of people,
male or female, they won't leave me alone
so I mouth off at them and end up having a tantrum
on them.

I guess I don't have the power to care about these
kinds of peple, I just want to live myu life without
them interfering and when they do I tantrum/malfunction
on them and leave them "shocked".


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lotusblossom
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23 Jul 2010, 3:09 am

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
It does seem an eternal problem: if being a rude, self-centered a**hole doesn't impede success in love, frienship, and in general, then why bother trying to be a decent person?

I suspect the truth is that such people aren't always jerks, or jerks to everyone -- I think they're probably just really good at sizing up when they need to look like a good person, and when they don't. IOW, they're two-faced, and skilled at applying it at the right times. Suck up to the boss and treat the housekeeper like dirt.

Also, like how some people who great to their friends, but sh*t to anybody else. If they exist in a tight group (few outsiders), then their friends never really see the person's ugly side, and so they think they're great.


I think this is the core issue for both genders with the 'nice vs jerk' thing.

On the whole though from all Ive seen through my life, its the nice women who have the nice husbands, families and social lives so I would say they finish first. I would not class myself as a nice women.

From my perspective as a 'grumpy, sh***y, slu*ty woman' I think it makes all areas of ones life rubbish, but I am unable to be a 'nice woman' as I would find it very boring. I would much rather wear too much make up, stamp my foot, drink too much and eat cake than be a modest, softly spoken 'do gooder.'



Last edited by lotusblossom on 23 Jul 2010, 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

zen_mistress
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23 Jul 2010, 3:13 am

lotusblossom wrote:
Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
It does seem an eternal problem: if being a rude, self-centered a**hole doesn't impede success in love, frienship, and in general, then why bother trying to be a decent person?

I suspect the truth is that such people aren't always jerks, or jerks to everyone -- I think they're probably just really good at sizing up when they need to look like a good person, and when they don't. IOW, they're two-faced, and skilled at applying it at the right times. Suck up to the boss and treat the housekeeper like dirt.

Also, like how some people who great to their friends, but sh*t to anybody else. If they exist in a tight group (few outsiders), then their friends never really see the person's ugly side, and so they think they're great.


I think this is the core issue for both genders with the 'nice vs jerk' thing.

On the whole though from all Ive seen through my life, its the nice women who have the nice husbands, families and social lives. I would not class myself as a nice women.

From my perspective as a 'grumpy, sh***y, slu*ty woman' I think it makes all areas of ones life rubbish, but I am unable to be a 'nice woman' as I would find it very boring. I would much rather wear too much make up, stamp my foot, drink too much and eat cake than be a modest, softly spoken 'do gooder.'


Im not talking about being grumpy often, or loud, or liking drinking. I am all those things!

I am talking about being rude, pushing people around perceived to be inferior, and being bitchy to other women not seen to be "making the grade".

I am not what you call a do-gooder, I think the reasons I act nice are complex, I have been bullied a lot in my life so I dont like to bully others. Other reasons, but that is the topic for another thread.


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zen_mistress
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23 Jul 2010, 3:17 am

LittleTigger wrote:
these
kinds of peple, I just want to live myu life without
them interfering and when they do I tantrum/malfunction
on them and leave them "shocked".


Lol! I often malfunction too...


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lotusblossom
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23 Jul 2010, 3:17 am

zen_mistress wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
It does seem an eternal problem: if being a rude, self-centered a**hole doesn't impede success in love, frienship, and in general, then why bother trying to be a decent person?

I suspect the truth is that such people aren't always jerks, or jerks to everyone -- I think they're probably just really good at sizing up when they need to look like a good person, and when they don't. IOW, they're two-faced, and skilled at applying it at the right times. Suck up to the boss and treat the housekeeper like dirt.

Also, like how some people who great to their friends, but sh*t to anybody else. If they exist in a tight group (few outsiders), then their friends never really see the person's ugly side, and so they think they're great.


I think this is the core issue for both genders with the 'nice vs jerk' thing.

On the whole though from all Ive seen through my life, its the nice women who have the nice husbands, families and social lives. I would not class myself as a nice women.

From my perspective as a 'grumpy, sh***y, slu*ty woman' I think it makes all areas of ones life rubbish, but I am unable to be a 'nice woman' as I would find it very boring. I would much rather wear too much make up, stamp my foot, drink too much and eat cake than be a modest, softly spoken 'do gooder.'


Im not talking about being in a bad mood, or loud, or liking drinking. I am talking about being rude, pushing people around perceived to be inferior, and being bitchy to other women not seen to be "making the grade".

I think 'bitchy, manipulative' women who are good social manipulators who can suck up to supierior and be cruel to inferiors do very well.

I think nice women who behave modestly and mild and be non offensive also do very well.

I think women with poor social skills, strong opinions and a bad temper do very badly in life.



zen_mistress
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23 Jul 2010, 3:22 am

lotusblossom wrote:
I think women with poor social skills, strong opinions and a bad temper do very badly in life.


Well yes that is me ^ . But I am sort of opinionated and nice at the same time... People react very badly to my opinions and my temper.

But it seems that sometimes when I am nice I am treated like a doormat.
I cant seem to have any normal social standing.


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Seanmw
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23 Jul 2010, 3:45 am

well ideally, any girl really should "finish" first :wink:


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MissConstrue
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23 Jul 2010, 3:50 am

I'm not nice so I guess I don't have to worry....unless of course that word nice is the same word commonly applied to men on this forum.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Jul 2010, 3:59 am

I think that there's no correlation between Niceness/jerkiness and mating success.



The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Jul 2010, 4:05 am

In other terms,

There are plenty of jerk girls/guys can get gf/bf easily.

There are few of jerk girls/guys can't get gf/bf.

There are plenty of nice girls/guys can get gf/bf easily.

There are few of nice girls/guys can't get gf/bf.

The issue is not related to niceness/jerkiness.



Logan5
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23 Jul 2010, 4:56 am

zen_mistress wrote: "I am talking about [women] being rude, pushing people around perceived to be inferior, and being bitchy to other women not seen to be "making the grade"."

Other terms to describe those women are "alpha females" ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_female ) and "Heathers" (from the 1989 film, "Heathers", http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/ ).



Last edited by Logan5 on 23 Jul 2010, 4:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.