I am Autistic, so is my gf and she needs some help

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Ok I am a high functioning autistic individual, and my girlfriend is also on the spectrum, I am 30, she is 24.

We would like to be able to get married someday, but her family does feel she is not ready for it yet, and I can understand a clear reason why that is.

One big problem she has is the fact that she tends to lie after doing something wrong, her Grandma who she lives with, and I myself have told her over and over again that lying gets you in more trouble than whatever bad deed you've done in the 1st place.

Not to mention if she does tell the truth, then her Grandma will not even be mad for that long.

All sorts of things have been tried to get her to stop lying, I made her sign several papers promising not to lie (one she sent back to me, one she handed to her Grandma, one she handed to her Aunt, no idea whoelse she had handed papers too as I had several printed).

The promise was obeyed for a month, then she had lied again when she did something wrong, I gave her a talking to on why to not lie.

Later she had lied again, so I mailed her a paper to hang up in her room that said Don't Lie, to remind her to not lie.

Then she did it again and well her Grandma and one of her Aunts had a discussion on the issue such as the idea of having her go to a counselor or into a work program.

Well anyways I totally do love my girlfriend and I am hopeful she will eventually raise her maturity level, I don't like to even say that she has a problem with lying but it's become obvious she does, and I know that her IQ level may not necessarily get to be as high as mine, but I seriously wonder if anyone has good ideas on how to stop a person on the Autism spectrum from lying.

I am open to hearing some good advice on this and if you believe in God (as I myself do) please pray for her.

Just let her lie man. What the kuk do you care?

That was not the proper answer to my question, not to mention when her Mom was alive, her Mom had legal guardianship and power of attorney on her, and someone could possess those things on her now (I am not sure though, only because I know that in her state POA cannot be passed through wills, which means when the person who possessed POA dies, the POA completely expires but me and her are not even sure if anyone jointly had POA and guardianship over her along with her Mom).

Her maturity level has to be raised before she is even allowed to get married (especially if someone in her family does have guardianship over her afterall).

And a step in raising her maturity level is for her to quit lying.

This is a serious concern and you are not helping by saying just let her lie.

She said she wants to quit lying as well.

And you are not helping the situation at all by suggesting letting her lie, you are only worsening it.

Everybody lies, and for many different reasons. It's not so bad when it's white lies, and fibs here and there, but it becomes a problem when it's unethical, or turns into pathological lying. The biggest question to ask yourself is, why are they lying?


Some of the more common reasons for lying:

*They want attention or want people to like them (neediness, low self-esteem).
*They fear they will get into trouble for telling the truth, for whatever reason (anxieties, afraid of someone, or the consequences of their actions).
*They are secretive, or they are avoiding something about their life.
*Bad personality traits, poor ethics, or morals.
*Learned habit.

I don't think my gf is a pathological liar cause it's not everyday that she lies or anything like that, but she has tended to lie if she has done something wrong.

So that rules out attention, wanting people to like her, and normally rules out secretiveness.

And I can say it is a learned habit too because her biological Father behaved like this and probably still does (she legally changed her last name to her Stepfather's last name so she wouldn't have to see her real Father anymore).

Basically the constant lying about doing something wrong has not proven to her family that she is capable of being an independent adult, and I honestly think she can become one if effort is made to do so and a stepping stone would be to get her to quit lying (well especially if it is for the wrong reasons).

And I want to know if anyone has any good ideas on what might work to break her of this bad habit.

Reward her for not lying when she does something wrong?

Well whenever she actually has told the truth about doing something wrong, yeah her Grandma did get mad but being mad lasted a short time.

For instance when she told the truth about getting a call from a woman she had promised never to talk to again, yeah her Grandma was mad for a short time, but then felt a sigh of relief because of my girlfriend telling the truth.

I felt this was a stepping stone, and I felt like maybe my gf would never lie about a wrong deed again but she has unfortunately sometimes lied about a wrong deed anyways and each time she is in trouble for it, I remind her of times when she told the truth.

I guess my mind is dealing with trying to think of ok what should be done and what can I do to help as well.

Do you think not lying is a sign of maturity?

dude, being that concerned and patronizing (if not controlling and abusive may I add) is immature of you. let her lie and stop trying to change her. you may be overprotective of her cause she is younger. you need to be careful dude not to step on her toes.

I am not being overprotective, her family is super concerned as much as I am, and you are obviously not even reading every word of English about the situation she is in.

Let me clarify it again, when she turned 18 years old, a court of law granted her Mother (who is now deceased) legal guardianship and power of attorney.

Her mother died in October of 2008, but she has no idea if her Mom was the sole legal guardian/poa or if her step-father and/or anyone else had co-guardianship/poa along with her Mother.

If anyone does have legal guardianship/poa, it is not going to so easily be given up by whoever might be in possession of it.

And if her Mom did share the guardianship and poa with any of her aunts and uncles, then they are probably not going to even give it up till she raises her maturity level and a 1st step in raising it is for her to quit lying.

If someone actually possesses Guardianship and POA over her, do you want this to continue for the rest of her life? or would you like her to have the same kinds of freedom that I also possess?

Telling me to let her lie is like telling me to but her at risk of never ever gaining the freedom and independence she is craving.

Now Mr. Learning2Survive, I am going to ask you to please mind your own business and quit making suggestions since you obviously are having problems reading every single English word I say.

Yes I do, constant lying is a form of immaturity.

RPM,
Have you thought maybe she does not want to get married and so continues to do something that keeps her from being 'mature' enough to get married?

Merle

Please read everything before you assume things.

My girlfriend actually wants to get married someday, she even talked about it before me and her officially became boyfriend/girlfriend.

Me and my girlfriend have talked about it repeatedly, i've talked to her Grandmother about it, i've talked to her Aunt about it, her whole family knows she wants to get married someday.

I wish people would read everything that is being said before assuming things, if anyone is not paying attention to everything I have said, then you obviously don't know how to speak English very well.

Why did I even bother posting the concern here when there are people who obviously make their own assumptions when they do not even live and breathe the situation.

I think I am better off referring this to a clergyman instead, he'll read English much better than loads of people who obviously have English skills bad enough to make you real glad you don't live in a time when you'd be looked down upon for not speaking the King's English properly.

perhaps it is you that are not reading everything. You say she lies. How do you know she is not lying about getting married?

Merle

The only things she has been lying about is whenever she has done something wrong and then denied it.

You are still failing to read everything, not to mention you are putting your nose where it doesn't belong.

NOW GO TAKE A CUP OF SHUT UP AND DO NOT SAY ANOTHER WORD TO ME UNLESS YOU TAKE A TRIP TO ENGLAND AND LEARN HOW TO PROPERLY SPEAK THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, I POSTED HERE TO GET SOME HELP TO SEE TO IT THAT IF MY GIRLFRIEND DOES WRONG SHE WILL TELL THE TRUTH EVERY SINGLE TIME BUT I AM GETTING AN ARMFUL OF IDIOTS WHO ARE THINKING THAT THEY KNOW THE SITUATION AS IF THEY KNEW THE HOLY BIBLE BETTER THAN GOD HIMSELF.