On saying 'I love you'

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The big question here comes from a conversation I had at one in the morning yesterday. Essentially, at what point in the 'normal' relationship does it become acceptable to say 'I love you'?

When I was in a relationship, the 'I love you' stuff started pretty immediately and apparently this is out of the ordinary. What's supposed to be more typical is that such a statement, because it's so powerful, takes weeks if not months to be said in a stable relationship.

Which would make sense, I guess, as otherwise it's only a ritual that society makes you do.

Anyway, what's your take? In an ideal relationship, does this start early on, later on, or even not at all?

Early in my relationship was fine. We've now been together almost 2 years.

You just need to use your instincts as a guide. Put out little "feelers," like "How would you feel if someone told you they loved you when they hadn't known you that long?"

My AS BF put out lots of "feelers" trying to figure it out, and I kept reassuring him until he told me.

I think it's always acceptable to say "I love you". How the other person takes it is the tricky part.

PLease don't confuse love with infatuation. The two seem close, but they aren't. Take it slow and be sure of your feelings before you say those three words.

Other than that, enjoy.

In the simplest terms, you can use the sentence whenever you feel like it. Run it in your head first, if it seems odd/ackward, don't say it.

You should not have to think about any possible reactions. After all, they describe how YOU feel.

If you are concerned about how comfortable she would be with you saying it... I'd say wait for her to say it first. Although taking relationship advice from me may not be the best idea. But on the other hand, it stands to reason that the problem I have with getting a girlfriend might be that I don't take my own relationship advice.

You could always test the waters: go from "I like you" to "I really really like you" to "I really really really...really like you"... if they repeat it back to you, then you can go the final step and say "I love you"... chances are they will say it as well (because they mean it, or because they are a parrot )

My bf and I had a sort of stalemate over this: neither of us wanted to admit it before the other, in case the other person didn't feel the same.

Say those three words whenever you feel comfortable. As somebody said previously, it is how you feel, so you shouldn't necessarily need to take the other person's response (the one you're saying I love you to) into consideration.

Also if I was you I wouldn't say too much, 'cos saying it too much could make those three words mean less, if you know what I mean.

Indeed. Similar in concept to telling a dog "No" too much. Although it's amazing to me how people never realize that and then complain when their dogs don't listen to them. Also, they fail to attach an appropriate reaction to it. Simply saying No in a loud voice isn't enough. It also helps to get the point across if you punish them as well. Likewise for telling people you love them. Try to show them that you love them with an action as well. Because as nearly everyone knows, actions speak louder then words.

EDIT: yes, I realize that comparing a dog to a girlfriend is a bit strange...

You don't want to say "I love you" too soon. Even if you do, even if you feel it, saying it too early can come off as too needy or pathetic. Working it in can be good, but don't be too oblique. The old stand-by "I think I'm falling in love with you" can work better than asking them how they would feel about it. It avoids certainty while communicating your general feelings without looking like you're feeling her out. Just my $0.02.

Of course, I have the same question. But how soon is too soon when you've known the other person forever, but not as a romantic interest?

I wish I had someone to say those words to...

Well, the first one to say, "I love you" loses in the movies...lol. I would say at least after a few months; certainly, after one month might scare the other in the relationship.

"Love" is a word that I very rarely heard in my family, as I was growing up. So naturally, it is a word I find very difficult to say. When you've never(rarely) heard it spoken, it's difficult to associate the feeling with the word. Then it always feels out of context, until you get accustomed to relating the feeling with the word, which can be learned at any time.

For me, I feel that I missed out on that experience, due to my families' dysfunctionality. And the first 30+ years of my life were a total loss, in that respect. That being said, I am now slowly learning to associate the feeling with the word, and in my opinion, it should only be said if you truly mean it. That could take weeks, months, or even years, depending on the situation. Use it when you feel the time is right.

So do I.

I agree with this advice. This method seems as safe as possible.