I've had this problem, described in the thread title, ever since I made more than one friend. I noticed that every time I try to organize anything good with my friends, even something I know for a fact my friends think is good, it always crashes and burns before it even gets off the ground. All my friends are NTs. Let's say, for example, I'm organizing a group outing to a nightclub, for a costume party on Halloween. Fun, straightforward event, right? Think again! The event is on a Saturday. So I call up six people on Tuesday, and four of them are into the idea. Two of them have other plans; fine. On Wednesday, it still looks like all systems are go. By Thursday, one person says he has a cousin coming in from out of town, and another suddenly decided he doesn't like costumes. So it's down to two friends going. On Friday, another person wants to go to a heavy metal concert, which is not my things; he ends up bailing out. On Saturday morning, I talk to the last remaining friend, and we decide that Halloween at a club is no fun with just two people. So we cancel the whole thing.
The same happens even when someone else in our group tries to organize something, but less often. As a countermeasure, I tried organizing things more last-minute, like the day before, the morning of, or even the afternoon of the event. But then people either say they have other plans and I should have told them earlier, or politely refuse because it's not within their taste.
After many failed plans early on, I quickly learned that anything and everything other than a resounding "yes", and an advance ticket purchase, is a "no". I don't have everyone's e-mail addresses, and not all my friends use Facebook, so things like Evite is out of the question. I have to plan things the old way: by phone. My other friends, for some reason, have fewer problems organizing big events. I resigned myself to pretty much never suggesting anything major, only little things like where to eat after swimming in a lake all day (that they planned and invited me to do). Instead, I just accept their invitations, which are usually pretty fun events.
My saving grace has been two things: Meetup and solo cruising. Most Meetup groups have clear rules against no-showing and canceling last minute: you do it too many times, you get kicked out of the group. This way, I don't have to herd cats; Meetup does it for me. I get to pick what event to attend, it's already pre-planned, and I know 100% that people will be there, so all I need to worry about is showing up. Solo cruising is another great thing. Knowing how difficult it is for me to organize a mundane night at a club, I can only imagine how frustrating it would be to organize a vacation. With solo cruising, the cruise line does the organizing for me, I don't have to plan for anyone but myself, and I make friends easily on the ship, so no loneliness.
And now, on with my questions. Please share your thoughts.
Why is organizing an event with a group of friends feel like herding cats?
Aren't NTs supposed to enjoy doing group activities instinctively?
Does this have anything to do with my charisma or lack thereof?
Last edited by Aspie1 on 22 Apr 2014, 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
22 Apr 2014, 8:08 pm
