any aspie's over 50

Post Reply New Topic

I find myself just listening and watching most of the time when I'm out with people. I find myself mimicking or reciting a script a lot but that's ok. They seem to accept me. Yes, I feel like an interviewer quite often but I have found that people love to talk about themselves and love to have someone who will listen.

Bummer about loosing your space at work. I know if I had one, it would of helped. Maybe another one will pop up.

I turned 50 in July. Sensory issues have been a major part of my symptoms all my life. My older sisters told me that when I was a baby I would scream when people plcked me up and held me. It isn't just touch; it's everything. I've always favored dark and quiet to bright and noisy. Malls have always been painful. Sporting events, with all the people cheering? No way. I couldn't understand why, but early on in life I realized the way I experience life is far different than everyone else around me. I also miserably failed to ever get any friends, all through childhood, adolescence and adulthood to the present day. Oh a few times thought I had friends, but sometimes they took advantage of me or made fun of me. Usually people didn't like me right away, but in general, the longer they got to know me the less they liked me. My self-esteem sucked most of my life.

I studied the heck out of history and science my first thirty years of life trying desperately to understand this world I was in that did indeed seem much like a "wrong planet." I found the limitations of history rather early on, the limitations of language soon after that, and finally also learned and realized the limitations of science in this pursuit. So I turned to the study of comparative mythology and religion.

In the early 1980s I discovered that if I ride the bicycle and play the guitar at the same time I have some temporary relief from the stresses on my body and my mind, better than sex, better than drugs. I have traveled many tens of thousands of miles doing this since then and have written hundreds of songs most of which have not yet been recorded. A few dozen of my older songs are available for free on the web site of The Bicycling Guitarist

In the mid-1990s I met my first girlfriend online (I was thirty-five years old and my mom had just died). Online in text chat I impressed her. In person, the first two or three years, I impressed her. She thought I was like a Jesus or a Gandhi figure because of my ideals (on the political compass test I took just last week I am in the general neighborhood of Gandhi).

Things did not work out, largely due to the sensory issues making certain parts of the expected male female relationship excruciatingly unpleasant to me, even disgusting. There were other issues with her children from a previous marriage who had been kidnapped and abused by their biological father and his new wife leading to behavior problems on their part, and a nasty custody battle fought by that father mainly because he resented having his wages garnished for child support. Nonetheless I had a child with my (then) girlfriend, and my sense of loyalty to the idea of being a couple and a family plus being unable to correctly read social cues led me to keep trying to make the family work.

The tremendous efforts and sacrifices I made were not appreciated. Instead, I was accused of selfish motives. She got angrier and angrier as the years went by. If I had taken the hints and we had split say in 1999 or even 2000, perhaps we could have split on good terms. But it was 2003 before the final split, and she is full of venomous hatred for me to the present day. I am sure it is not all due to me. She had a bad childhood and was in an abusive 14-year marriage that ended some months before she met me. I think she vented a lot of anger on me that I didn't and still don't deserve. Of course I could be wrong!

Since 2003 I have learned much about the eastern philosophies of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Chinese Taoism. I have learned and realized some perspectives that help me cope with my depression and everyday life far better than any meds, therapies or western religions have helped me cope. I still get shocked, surprised and hurt sometimes by social failures, and sensory issues are still a nonstop issue for me, but those perspectives do help. I highly recommend anyone interested in such matters to listen to audio files of the 20th century philosopher and "spiritual entertainer" Alan Watts. I don't agree with everything he said on every subject, but he was incredibly intelligent and a very good speaker. I like listening to him talk much more than I do reading his books. He is a blast to listen to. Sometimes light bulbs explode over my head as I listen to what he says about existence and consciousness.

Last edited by TheBicyclingGuitarist on 05 Dec 2010, 6:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hey Bicycling Guitarist, loved your web site.
We had a Beagle too!

TY. They are merry little hounds.

From reading a lot of other posts on wrongplanet about relationships, it seems the long term loving relationship I have is uncommon. More so than NT's. Although I have heard that as much as 75% of marriages end in divorce. Wow

We could never have done it if he hadn't had such a great childhood, wonderful parents. Basically, no baggage. Like I've said before, we did almost split and if we had at that time, it would have been on horrible terms.

I checked out your website. Wow, I can't even ride a bicycle without hands for very long. I think it's great what you do.

thanks for the compliments on what I do, and congrats on your relationship.

Yeah, I think a lot of relationship troubles are due to baggage. Living in the moment and not feeling like one is a prisoner of the past could help that for some people. The late philosopher Alan Watts used to say that the present causes the past, not vice versa, and in a way he is right. Any present moment is what will become the past. The past is like the wake of a ship trailing behind the ship, but the wake doesn't push the ship.

I am taking a deep breath and planning to tell my next potential girlfriend that being Aspie is part of the texture of who I am as a human being. I plan to tell her on approximately the third date, maybe sooner depending on the texture of the situation.

I think that is the best approach. If she really likes you, she'll appreciate your honesty and still want to see you.