Dealing with someone who laughs off your thoughts

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Ok here's my story

About early January 2011,I was out to eat with one of my Best Friends and with his other friend J. and J's girlfriend.
The topic of music came..something I love to talk about.It's my main passion and focus.Since I knew J. and my best friend were singers I was discussing my vocal style and what I can do.I was quickly dismissed by J. who came across in my mind as thinking he knew more because he went to school and thought there was no way I can sing what I sing based on me talking.Sometimes I tend to make my voice not as high pitched lol.So I was so angry and felt isolated my best friend started to agree with him because they both sing in the same choir and have a chorus leader who is an instructor but my best friend quickly retracted by saying he hasn't heard me sing so he can't judge.But I was afraid to speak my mind and shut down...needless to say my best friend was mad.I told him the reason why and told me that J. sometimes comes off as being mean but unfortunately it has eaten me up inside because I have felt i'm viewed less of a singer because of my passion for hard rock/metal compared to their pop/church music.


this is what I told him

"It's as good as time to express my thoughts before the new year is over.Over the past few months I have felt tortured over the fact that you,in my point of view,disrespected me and judged me without knowing anything about me and my passion.I have said before I should have stood up instead of clamming up to speak my mind....unfortunately in my history,I always have clammed up due to a self-confidence problem that I have had all my life.As I see it you came across as thinking you are better than and know more about music and singing than I do and always tried to make yourself better than me.Maybe you don't like classic rock/hard rock/metal but that doesn't give you the right to pass judgment on me as a singer,even without hearing me...I've worked very hard probably more than you realize.Even in my scene I am viewed as a relic of the past,due to the high range vocal style I perform,not death metal vocals as you probably assume.If you don't believe me whatever,I don't have to prove anything to anyone.This will no longer be the case.I'm not attacking you nor trying to cause a problem.I would be your friend,You probably are a nice guy but the fact that you never had apologized to me for disrespecting me has led to believe that you never wanted to be my friend...I will leave it at that,I have finally let this demon out and Felt the only way to move on was to let you know the anger I have felt.

Again,I'm not trying to cause a problem or come across me as attacking you which isnt the case at all,but I have to let my frustrations out...my therapist has said If I don't I will never be happy"



Now getting to yesterday,I finally worked up enough courage with help from many close friends to tell J. my faults
explaining how I viewed his words and how I felt. a couple of hours later he responded saying this

"okay lol i never really thought i was better then you or anyone for that matter your rigght i have never heard your music and i really dont need you as a friend in my life so if you dont want to its cool continue your pasion in everything you do in life and you will shurley succeed good luck to you in your singing and in life hopefully i will get to hear you sing at some point weather you want me to or not anyway have agood year and stay safe"

I responded like this politely

"i want you as a friend but understand this,you probably have never encountered an autistic person,guess what we have alot of problems reading people and their words...it in my mind came off as you were an elitist but just realize i went through hell to get to this point to stand up and speak my mind...that's big for me because so many people in my life have told me I can't do this and can't do that so I'm not mad at you as a person.It just brught back alot of the images of what people did to me all my life"

I want to be friends with him because at first he seemed like a cool guy but by laughing in his response it makes me feel very sad because my Best Friend is his friend and he hangs out with him more...I'm not jealous of that but it makes me feel inadequate because i'm not as scoial as my best friend and his friends are...most of the time I'm in my room alone because I have very little friends.I know I might jump to conclusions at times but because he didn't even consider how my mind views things really hurts


Not sure how to handle this?

The thing is I havent seen the guy in months.Again I didn't attack him as a person just explained what I thought it was and said I want to be his friend and realize maybe I misjudged.I realize that I waited awhile to tell him but I wasn't ready.I was afraid of what would happen with my Best Friend.He knew I was upset before during this time and never once reached out to apologize which hurt.I told him I want to be his friend and forget about it.I'll leave it at that.I haven't visited my best friend in months except to see him at his concert.I honestly don't know how I hurt J.'s feelings I was just expressing how I felt.I didn't attack his character by saying he's an awful person but how my mind perceived it.

Unfortunately, most NTs (like your friend) don't worry about things they may have said in passing in conversation. They seem to have the ability to say stuff, and listen to stuff, then just let it go and forget about it. What seems a very important matter to you, is something long forgotten to your friend. While you have obsessed over his comment, he has moved on to a million other things.

The best thing now is to let it go—you will never "win" the argument, as it were. Give him some time & space and things might be forgotten.

Try not to be so obsessive about your interests in conversation. I know it's easy for me to say, but I've been there, and it's easy to let myself become defensive when I think people are being dismissive of me. Also, have you ever recorded any music with you singing? Being able to play something for someone would be a better way to get your point across and show your talent. Talk is cheap…

I don't know if my comment helps but find someone worth your time. The fact that you have a Helloween avatar shows that you have good influences and hopefully some day you'll find a friend who appreciates talented musicians and vocalists rather than generic pop and church music.

Thanks guys...I'm currently working on some solo stuff...just ideas right now...but i know a bunch of musicians who have seen me live and were blown away.
I actually auditioned for Cellador,they were impressed but moving to Denver was impossible for me to do....but friends have been bugging me to record some more songs so I can submit to Kamelot....I had some recorded material but that long gone unfortunately...saved it on my external but somehow deleted it,must have been when I was cleaning out my music collection one time and must have selected it for deletion ...didnt make a copy