What to do after you get someone's phone number?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,

Don't feel like a long explanation, but bottom line is I gave someone my phone number in e-mail with the phrase "if you want to hang out" and they replied with theirs. Unfortunately I have no idea what hanging out actually is and never have used phones for friendships. I don't think I'll be naturally seeing this person in person again. I can think of one or two things she has in common with me, but I can't imagine just asking her to come with me somewhere without it being a date (she is currently unavailable FYI). And I can't just hope she calls me, or that it wouldn't be a group gathering that I'd hate...and so now I have no idea how I'm supposed to meet her or anyone else for that matter. I have all the social stuff down to the point where I can have conversations, and when we had seen each other at work in the fall we got along better than anyone I've ever met.

So, what do my fellow aspies do at this point in a relationship? I would really appreciate some advice.

No on A, but I was really hoping someone actually was in my situation since I don't have a third person...but thanks anyway.

(So this is based purely on theoretical knowledge, not experience, but hope it helps.)
I'd suggest calling her and asking her to a movie (not a romantic comedy or similar, but definitely something she would want to see). Make it seem like you are going to go see the movie either way, you just want someone to go with. If you ask her whether she wants to go see that specific movie, rather than 'catch a movie sometime', it would seems like less of a date. Ask her to coffee or a snack / light meal (or possibly just ice-cream, but this may cut your time to talk a bit short) directly after the movie (not a big meal, as this would scream 'DATE!').
Call her a few days later, say something like "we can be movie buddies" (the idea here is to slip something in to indicate that it's just friendship, but not to do so too obviously) and ask her to another movie (here you can pretty much just ask her what she wants to see).
Repeat - try to make it a weekly or semi-weekly thing on a fixed day of the week (preferably Mon-Thur, not weekend, since she is less likely to make plans for then).

Note: Seeing a movie with someone is great for people who aren't great conversationalists, since whenever you run out of things to say, you can always just mention something about the movie.

Let us know how it went. It'd be nice to hear how ppl w/ Aspergers handle relationships. Is being awkward apart of it?

since most people don't bother to call me and I don't generally call them, it's easy. I just have a list of names on my phone, which looks "cool" but really means nothing.

I'd go with DukeLing's suggestion.

I don't know who her "lover" is, but considering she never mentioned him until after I brought it up, I don't think it's serious, and I'm pretty sure he lives somewhere else. Not that I care, of course

However, I do like how DukeLing's suggestion sounds, hopefully I find a movie that we both want to see. And, for the interested, I will update you as to what happens and how I deal with it.

Have fun.

The OP is in a slightly different situation than I was but I relate to having no idea what to do with a phone number. I'm a mom and I met another mom at a park while our kids were playing. She was brand new in town and new no one. God help her that I was the person she depended on for a social foot in the door!

We exchanged numbers and I forgot to call her, forgot to call her, forgot to call her. She called me a couple times in that three month timeframe and I forgot to return her call. She finally got a hold of me when I was out of state on a vacation. I promised to call her back when I got home.

I forgot.

I'm sure she got along just fine without me but I feel really bad about not making her a priority. I feel like I neglected her because I was afraid of going through the process of making a social connection. It's a lot of work and sometimes I say the wrong thing, or don't say the right thing, and people don't like me. It's intimidated to try to form friendships with people the way NT people do it.

One thing I know for sure is that I didn't make the right decisions. I should've faced my fear and made her a priority. She might be one of my best friends if I had. I'll never know now.

No, this was five years ago. I'm pretty sure the notebook I scribbled her number in is long gone... and, if by chance I found it, calling her would be very creepy.

I agree with the advice given to you about letting go and not looking back. You've tried hanging out with her and it's obviously not working. At this point, it doesn't even matter why the relationship didn't work out and whose fault that is. She's not a friend and you're not a friend so let the relationship have a proper death and burial, then move on.

But if you get a number for someone new, call it!