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Ai_Ling
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08 Feb 2011, 11:15 pm

I sorta have a complicated friend situation. I have this friend thats tried to help me a lot last year roughly from the months Sept thru Nov of last year. The thing is that shes very very different then me in almost every way possible. Shes super social, caring, and very religious. Shes has a ton of friends and is always seeking to make new friends. While Im quite the opposite, she never really understood my problems but she tried to and tried to help me talk them thru. At some point I started to get irritated at her because of 3 reasons: I felt like her pity friend(I was below her), she has high standards of morality and social conduct, and she preaches god like the hell and she was starting to get irritated at me because I wouldnt pick up a bible.

Sure it was good that she was their for me, but I after a while didnt like these pressures of having better social conduct, and to give Christianity a chance. She started accusing me of being narrowmined while I told her she was being a Christian elitest when she stated that she actually believed that Christians are more "mature" then non-Christians. I really felt like some stupid "pity" friend or "charity cause" which she got some satisfaction out of helping of me. I feel like shes constantly trying to correct me, especially the way I phrase things, shes so damn picky.

It was very much my fault to place myself in this situations, I did want comfort, but unforturnetly I went to the wrong person. I did confront her about this and she claimed that the way I was percieving our friendship was all wrong. Yet she was still trying to correct me like I was stupid. Then later she sends me this long email where at one point she states what a true friend is and how she is, Im like wth? And she goes off on all this religious stuff on how shes trying to be like Jesus. When I had previously told her I did not want to talk about Christinity because shes so sensative especially since she takes Christianity so seriously. And there was some emails we had exchanged during winter break and she took some stuff I said completely the wrong way even if it wasnt about Christinity.

I feel like its selfish of me to backfire at her "help" like this. And I just should have said nothing and distanced myself. It would have been wisest. But I've already put myself in this situations due to my stupid mouth and the fustration within myself, shes pretty fustrated at me when she thinks she was being nothing but a good friend.

At this point all I want is to distance myself, and just remain casual friends that see each other and hangout a little if we happen to be around each other. I intend to reply to her, Im just not sure what to say, I feel fustrated on one hand but stupid on the other hand that I started unnessary drama.



jackbus01
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08 Feb 2011, 11:55 pm

A lot of people that identify themselves as Christians try to meet new friends for the purpose of converting them to their religion. They think it is their duty to spread the "word". These people will yap endlessly about "Jesus" and "being saved" etc. They will then try everything possible to get you to believe with them. Christianity is not just another topic to discuss, these people LIVE for it. They are directly or indirectly "recruiting" you to their religion, that is why they try to befriend you.
If you don't believe in this viewpoint or understand it then you best off avoiding these narrow-minded people.

And yes I know all Christians are not like that, in fact most are NOT.
The truth is her religion is more important than her friendships. There is nothing YOU can do about this.

I don't see this working out well.

Sorry to be such a downer



Ai_Ling
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09 Feb 2011, 12:52 am

Yeah I think what your saying is somewhat accurate I mean shes not quite Christian extremist but at times I feel she borders on it. She ties her religion heavily into community. She does talk quite a bit about god and how it relates to her life. She will even talk to people she doesnt know about god at times, seriously Ive never reprimended her for this, this is something she shouldnt do. Like she will start drawing connections between the conversational topic to god. She connects everything to god, even when I see no connection. Thats one of the problems I had with her, I couldnt understand cause she keeps relating it to god. Yes she does "live" for it. Even her roommate whos a Christian herself thinks she takes things overboard at times. She claims that she has close non-Christian friends and she doesnt talk about god that much with them. Her roommate says she mentions god everyday to her roommates and 1 of them is not Christian. I feel she tries to be open minded but shes not in the end.

In my head, our issues span much beyond the religious issue. I feel like she has high standards of social conduct that I have a hard time adhering to. I really dont care to anymore.



cshey
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09 Feb 2011, 1:57 am

You could "bow out gracefully" from the friendship by just saying something like "I need you to respect my feelings, when you say Blah Blah Blah, that offends me." Then, based on her track record it's likely she'll insult you again. At this point, you could tell her that she's offended you (again) and that right now you're looking to surround yourself with people who can respect your feelings/beliefs/etc.

Bottom line: cut negativity and stress out of your life.

Hope that helps. :)



Ai_Ling
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09 Feb 2011, 2:16 pm

Im just want to do whats best that wont make things awkward because we still have a good # of the same friends and I will still see her. I get real awkward about people who Im no longer friends with. I dont want to cut her off for good yet. Maybe talk to her a little and hangout a little if theres other people that we know there but no more. I dont know if I want to respond to her, I dont want the unnesary stress.