Understanding my friend's needs

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My friend had recently gotten married and now dedicates herself to his needs. Anyway, we happened to get together one on one yesterday afternoon for a little picnic and stroll around the Atlanta area. She and I were then going to catch the city train back to one station where I happen to catch the bus, and her husband was going to pick her up and drive straight home. I asked her if he could possibly drop me off at home on his way home since it's on their way home. She told me no since she had originally made a commitment to have him pick her up and drive straight home and that he was tired and had gotten off work. So I just walked her over to her husband's car and walked back to my bus disappointed.

She also takes the bus and was single for many years and also has Asperger's Syndrome. She used to get frustrated when certain people couldn't give her a ride home. I sent her a message on facebook mentioning that I understand and respect her husband and their marriage but that she used to be single too and specifically her dealing with the same issues that I do.

What advice could you give me for the future?

Well, like you said, your friend is married now. That means her husband comes first, like it or not. She can still be your friend but if she promised him they would go straight home then it wouldn't be caring of her to change her plans suddenly.

You also mention that she has been frustrated when people couldn't give her lifts home. If she has had temper issues in the past that doesn't mean a) she was right to behave that way, nor would you be if you followed her example or b) that she isn't trying to behave better.

Advice? Put yourself in your friend's shoes. If you had to choose between cutting a few minutes of your friends commute time, or looking after your tired hubby, you'd choose your man, wouldn't you? Also, if you think she doesn't understand how you feel, tell her. That means without getting angry or reminding her of her own mistakes. Facebook can make that easier, thatt was probably a good idea

I did mention to her that since I have never been in a relationship with a partner that I really don't know what it's like to be committed to someone. For me, it always seems that my close friends in a relationship want to spend time with their significant other and suddenly my needs get shut out. I did mention to her that I felt like when she was still single she used to rely on the bus and I felt that she seemed to forget what that felt like. Now that she has that special someone, it's like she can get in a car with him and go anywhere.

yes, she absolutely can

Its hard when asnwe grow up, friends get into relationships and get married because their priorities change, so the dynamics of your relationship with your friends changes as well. Especially in that first year of marriage when the couple has alot to work through. It feels like they don't care about their friends but marriages and de facto relationships require alot of emotional work and energy. The only way to understand fully is to be married yourself unfortunately, but that's not to say marrieds and non marrieds can't still be friends.

Many of my friends are married now and it was hard for me to get used to. I just have to learn to be a bit more flexible with them. I understand now that they still want to spend time with me, but with spouses, spouse's families, household chores and taking care of children they don't have as much time. I hated the change. But its just like a new routine, that's all