If I'm ''socially immature'' how come I can make and keep...

Post Reply New Topic

....friends that are older than me?

I only have about 2 or 3 friends who are my age, but they are not NTs. Otherwise, the rest of my friends are much older than me and they are NTs. But it's strange because it's been known that Aspies are socially immature and I suppose I am (not quite sure how to pinpoint this though), and yet I am better at making and keeping friends with NTs that are older than me a lot better than NTs that are around my age. In fact I don't think I really have any friends that are my age really, only my cousins, but even then I don't see them much because I probably somehow don't get along with them (they would rather see eachother or their own friends than see me).

I have a few friends who are in their 30s and 40s, and I get along with older men too better than young men my age. And my closest friend (who I normally see at least twice a week) is nearly 60, and we get along fine. And I tend to fancy older men too, and find I have a much better job talking to them than I would talking to a younger man. But generally I don't fancy young men, in fact I don't think I fancy anyone under 40.

I even get along with old people, and old people like me. I only find children and young people in their 20s difficult to get along with (unless they are quite mature and studious). The only thing I have in common with other young girls is the clothes I like to wear.

But how does this exactly work out if I'm supposed to be socially immature? I wouldn't consider myself mature anyway, so how come I can get along with older people and even be on their wavelength?

Back when I had friends they were mostly significantly older. I thought at the time it was because older people are more tolerant of difference - or, that they expected difference with an age discrepancy whereas people my age expected me to be the same as them. As I've gotten older and extracted myself from a whole series of toxic friendships I have to wonder if I got along with those older people better because they were very comfortable manipulating and controlling someone younger than themselves - sort of as though they were a parent - but a cruel one at that. I always fell for the idea that seeing as they were older they must be wiser. But, all the stupidest things I've done can be traced back to the influence of those very people.

Maybe your friendships with older people are genuine but my advice is to just be aware of whether anyone is constantly suggesting what you should do rather than leaving you to make your own decisions...

I have nt friends my own age. I do my best to treat every single person with respect, courtesy and kindness. Decent people, nt or not, will pick this vibe up ant treat you the same. As for not so decent people, I try not to offend them because it is not worth it to get myself angry or annoyed.

..

Last edited by SpiritBlooms on 06 May 2012, 11:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Most of my older friends are women, and my closest friend (who is nearly 60) treats me like a friend much more than the friends I used to have who were in my peers. And I've been friends with her for over a year now and we do a lot together, and she often invites me back for lunch, and she had to borrow my mobile phone once to ring someone on and straight away she gave me some money equivalent to how much credit she used up on my mobile phone, which was a descent thing to do. And she has other friends too, some are a bit older than her and some are in their 30s and 40s.

And my friends who are in their 30s (a couple) like me for who I am. I meet up with them every few weeks for coffee or lunch and I've even been on a holiday for a long week-end down by the sea with them and we stayed in a caravan, and we had a good laugh. I've been friends with them for nearly 3 years now, and it's just like a normal friendship.

So I don't think these people are taking advantage of me. I have more of a normal sort of social life with older people than I ever had with NTs in my peers, believe it or not.

That sounds like an awesome friendship. Btw, the reason "it's just like a normal friendship" is because it is a normal friendship.

I wouldn't worry about the negative connotations of "immaturity" in so far as you relate them to yourself. Indeed, they could well be your strengths. There are several qualities which usually get people labelled as "immature" that I find very appealing - such as person's ability to be fun and silly. These are traits which span all age groups. I'ts great that, as a young woman, you have discovered the fact that friends can be people of any age is a bonus and something some young people don't learn until they are much older or "maturer".

most of my friends are older people as well. my girl friend is way older than me as well.
immaturity only occurs when around people i'm very comfy with. that's usually my direct family, and the families of my 2 uncles living in downstairs apartments. around everyone else, i'm very mature and serious.
sometimes, a little immaturity slips when i get more and more comfy with an "outsider", depending on their reaction, i almost always realize the slip, mask it as a one-time joke or something, and never repeat it again.
it gets harder when these friends become too close, you might lose the sense of when to be mature and when not, so i tend to stick to maturity with everyone who's not family.
no one but a fellow aspie can see through this fake maturity, NTs will never realize it, i play the role perfectly (not that it's a hard thing, really). i think mature acting comes very logically to us. it's not how we really are, inside, but most certainly have a deep understanding of it, and how to use it, and why. unlike most traits we hate in NTs, we respect maturity, and understand its importance.
that's why, i befriend older people, they're more mature. they're still NTs, they still don't understand us, but at least, we have slightly more things in common (even if still little), than with immature young people, who will frown if you're not interested in the latest pop star, and his flashy hot shirt they're waiting for clothes stores to start selling.