Bells and whistles sounding at full alert

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I have gone to a congregation for the past year and I have met some new connections. One of them is a lady who lives a few blocks down the street from me.

We have done a few things together such as going out to eat and even having a cook out for her birthday.

Although she seems like a nice lady, I don't fully trust her.

I. E. This is during the first time we went out to dinner as a causual connection, she informed me that a guy who she had been associating with was good at manipulating her to pay for everything. Yet, I always saw them getting along and eating lunch together after service. When she told me these things, I felt that a red flag was going up but I was not sure.

Another example- After the cook out/ pool party, she disappeared from our congregational services and had been gone for several weeks and had not bothered to contact myself or several other people in the congregation. In fact, the first week she was gone, someone saw her walking in the downtown area with another friend before service. During lunch today, two people asked me earlier today if I had heard or seen this lady. I asked if they had. However, one of them said that they texted her and asked where she was a few weeks ago. However, she blew them off saying she would text later and call and never did.

Then I saw her later tonight and I happened to ask where she had been. She was not upfront where she has been. Instead, she responded with a cheeky remark by saying, "I don't know." This was for a special evening service which went by really fast. When it was over, she picked up, walked out the door and drove out of the parking lot really fast. It was as if she was mad about something. Normally, she gives me a ride home.

What are your thoughts about this person? She really is not hurting me but I notice that she seems to be hurting her other friends. In my case, I really don't trust her to be honest.

This lady has some kind of issues. Possibly personal issues, perhaps personality issues, possibly mental, or drug issues. She is not someone you can rely on for events, rides, keeping in contact, or being up front with you. By her behavior, she has made it clear that she is not your friend. She is just an acquaintance. Stop relying on her for anything. Just be civil and polite when you are at functions together, but other than that, minimize contact with her.

As for what she has been up to, as long as she isn't breaking the law, that's her biz.

I had asked her how another friend was doing. She said they were hanging out. I then mentioned that I was going to head home and do laundry.

She looked at me and said, "Darn."


She does have some issues that so seem a little strange to me. I won't mention them here but they are strange. I will say that she is guy crazy though and those guys seem to be on the top of her list. However, I don't think she is being a good friend even to those who she calls a friend. For instance, the guy who she said all that stuff about was the one who she seemed to blow off.

You have Aspergers, and you are relying on your perception of this woman's outward behavior with another person as indication of enjoyment? Perhaps she enjoys that guy's company even though he makes her pay for stuff so she puts up with it.

And what if she just didn't feel like going to your congregation a couple times? She had a friend visiting from elsewhere or was preoccupied by doubts of her beliefs or had gone to try out a different congregation out of curiosity or was sick and in any case, if asked, perhaps was anxious about what people thought no matter what she said and what the truth was. And perhaps you asking her made her feel like you were suggesting that she had sinned or was otherwise guilty of bad behavior, which can come off as judgement, which most people are bothered by even when they know they've done nothing wrong (and often especially when this is so).

People that are just going through hard times (physical illness, family troubles, etc.) can be like how this woman sounds, and if she doesn't respond to sympathy she probably just needs time alone, and a bunch of people bugging her about her church going would probably not be such a welcome thing.

There are a lot of possibilities, so to shun her in any way I think would be unjust. And all of what you describe going on sounds like church gossip and activity I find more worth shunning than what you've described of this woman.

[quote="Merculangelo"]You have Aspergers, and you are relying on your perception of this woman's outward behavior with another person as indication of enjoyment? Perhaps she enjoys that guy's company even though he makes her pay for stuff so she puts up with it.


I don't think this situation has anything to do with my Asperger's. The driven point here was that was invited us to a party of hers and then seemed to drop off the face of the earth after that party and did not bother to contact anyone.

She has disorders herself tot.