Constantly wondering if I socialize right

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laserwater
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21 Oct 2012, 1:20 pm

I've always had trouble making friends. When I did, it was with someone branded as weird themselves, or intelligent kids that I could easily discuss my interests with or have in-depth discussions with. But now I'm in college and the kids I'm around are much nicer and more open-minded, even care more about interests besides gossipy/smalltalk type things. But whenever I talk to them, I constantly question myself. Often I find myself with no words to say when we talk and I end up just saying "yeah" or I get distracted by my surroundings, such as taking pictures of animals with my phone that are around lol
And this one girl showed interest in programming and I love computers so I was talking to her about it, but I know people don't usually like that so I don't know how much to say, and what to say without talking about programming or some random thing I like.
How do I know what to say or if what I'm talking about is okay?
Since I don't know for sure if I am on the spectrum, I don't know what to tell them. It would sound weird to tell them my worries without a label... Maybe... Idk! :p


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outofplace
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21 Oct 2012, 4:24 pm

Well, I would say that if you are finding people with similar interests who don't mind your company then you are doing it right. Most people will not stick around those they find annoying. It doesn't matter that you are not popular with others who are not like you because you would never want to be around them over the long term anyways. Sure, many NTs have tons of superficial "friends" that they can party and get drunk with, but these are not close friendships of the sort that matter. As long as you can have a deeper connection with a few other people in this world, you are doing better than 70% of the NT population.


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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic


laserwater
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21 Oct 2012, 11:49 pm

You bring up good points. Thank you :)


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VAGraduateStudent
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23 Oct 2012, 4:41 pm

Yeah don't worry about it. If you're not hitting it off with someone, they'll let you know, so you can then just focus on other friendships instead.

There are a lot of people who don't know whether they're on the spectrum or not. Many people, in fact, don't even make it far enough to wondering and are just "nerds" or "artistic" or "a little odd" or whatever. They never get diagnosed and maybe they're not far enough in to be included on the spectrum so they never WOULD be diagnosed. I think it's important to remember that there's ALWAYS a population of people who are just like you, even if those people don't happen to be in contact with you. So there are many different kinds of "normal". There's an aspie normal, a NT normal, a LFA normal, and lots of other things in between.



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25 Oct 2012, 8:30 am

Ugh, there's always a running commentary in the back of my mind even if I do find people I click with. <Did I go off on a tangent? Am I talking about myself too much? What's the appropriate response to that one?> From the bemused expressions I get, I'm definitely not hitting the ball out of the park :oops: . Just search out those people who appreciate your intent, and are okay even if you're not sure what to say.



lazamb_girl
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31 Oct 2012, 7:15 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Ugh, there's always a running commentary in the back of my mind even if I do find people I click with. <Did I go off on a tangent? Am I talking about myself too much? What's the appropriate response to that one?> From the bemused expressions I get, I'm definitely not hitting the ball out of the park :oops: . Just search out those people who appreciate your intent, and are okay even if you're not sure what to say.


http://xkcd.com/1089/

I don't mean to offend you. It is similar inside my head too. But I couldn't resist referencing this xkcd comic. :D


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Aspie Quiz: Aspie :130/200;NT score: 72/200;You are very likely an Aspie. Alexithymia test :135


MjrMajorMajor
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31 Oct 2012, 8:04 am

lazamb_girl wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Ugh, there's always a running commentary in the back of my mind even if I do find people I click with. <Did I go off on a tangent? Am I talking about myself too much? What's the appropriate response to that one?> From the bemused expressions I get, I'm definitely not hitting the ball out of the park :oops: . Just search out those people who appreciate your intent, and are okay even if you're not sure what to say.


http://xkcd.com/1089/

I don't mean to offend you. It is similar inside my head too. But I couldn't resist referencing this xkcd comic. :D


:lol:



MrObvious
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03 Nov 2012, 2:13 pm

Haha that xkcd must be written by an aspie. I've seen him.

One thing I've learned is with friends you have to show an interest in what they like, or ask questions about it to learn.



anneurysm
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03 Nov 2012, 10:06 pm

lazamb_girl wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Ugh, there's always a running commentary in the back of my mind even if I do find people I click with. <Did I go off on a tangent? Am I talking about myself too much? What's the appropriate response to that one?> From the bemused expressions I get, I'm definitely not hitting the ball out of the park :oops: . Just search out those people who appreciate your intent, and are okay even if you're not sure what to say.


http://xkcd.com/1089/

I don't mean to offend you. It is similar inside my head too. But I couldn't resist referencing this xkcd comic. :D


Bahahaha! That is so me. :P


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder

My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.