How to appear more fun/exciting

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So I have a problem that I've really always had, and honestly I feel kind of ridiculous asking this lol. But I feel like a big problem for me socially, is that people think I'm boring or just not that fun. I don't drink, do drugs, dance, or act crazy...most of the time I'm pretty mellow and reserved. Now I do feel like I have a pretty good sense of humor, and I do have a lot of fun hobbies like kayaking, hiking, running, and going to concerts...I certainly don't think I'm a boring person overall! But when it comes to just hanging out with people and talking, I do feel like I don't bring as much excitement to the table as most people. And this has been affecting me socially lately, my friends don't really invite me to a lot of social events and I've been told that this is the reason, even though they enjoy my company and think I'm hilarious at times, they just think I'm too straight-laced and not that exciting.

I've gotten pretty good at my general conversational and social skills, and am perfectly fine in just a standard conversation. But when conversations start to get more playful or teasing, or people start to basically act wild/crazy for fun, I just don't really know how to keep up or join in. Sometimes I'll try acting kind of crazy in an effort to fit in and be "less boring", but it always feels really forced and other people can tell that pretty easily (I often get super-strange looks when I do this lol). In addition, kind of a side-issue that arises from all of this is that everyone seems to think I'm some sort of "goodie-two-shoes". Oftentimes when a conversation about like sex or drugs comes up (or other shady topic), I'll get a comment like "You better close your ears for a minute, we wouldn't want to corrupt you too much!" And it really frustrates me because yes, I do make a point not to engage in certain activities, but that is due largely to personal reasons and bad experiences; it's not like I'm a prude who chastises anyone who does those things. And I feel like it does form kind of a rift between myself and others, because they seem to feel I'm not "bad" enough to relate with them or something.

So, what suggestions do you all have to make myself appear "more fun" in general? I hope that I was able to make sense in my post, please let me know if I need to clarify!

Tell more jokes and mention more of what you notice.

Funny you mention that...I've been told I look bored before I start playing from friends in my bass videos.

I know many people on the spectrum who are in similar situations as you are in that they don't understand a lot of joking/teasing, so you're not alone by any means. You don't have to be the life of the party to blend in: as you said before, you're good at conversations so you may be able to blend in that way.

I'm thinking that it may be that you aren't smiling or laughing along as much. I find that even if I don't understand a joke, I tend to laugh along at least a little to show people that I enjoy their company. You want to look like you're at least having a good time. Where do you usually hang out with this group of friends? If it's at a bar or somewhere partylike, people generally expect lots of smiles, laughter and joking around.

When sex/drugs/anything like that comes up, it's best just to change the topic. If they ask you about it, do not act annoyed, upset or defensive as this will only make them tease you more. Instead, smile and say something like: "That's personal" and when they tease, try to act like you're not affected by it, or else they will pick on you more. If do they make a joke about it, try to laugh along: people respond to this less if you act like you're laughing at yourself.

If your so-called "friends" aren't inviting you out for this reason...it's time to find some new friends with interests similar to yours, or try hanging out with the nicest members of the group one-on-one.

That's an interesting point. I wonder if someone with Asperger's could work out a different social "niche" for themselves.

In fact I think many of the best comedians start out in a similar way from social pressure as kids. Sometimes as a strange technique to even avoid bullying by telling jokes to lighten the mood around them.

Thinking about this more though, it really depends on the individual and if they think it can be pulled off. What I picture is the actual study of good joke telling and even studying people who do it. For example, I read the biography of comedian Bill Hicks and when he was a kid he stayed up late to watch and study Johnny Carson. I mean he didn't just watch it for laughs but really studied it as a craft.

The tricky part is to not completely mimic comedians and feel phony, but understand the work that goes into a well written joke.

Last thought on jokes is the quote from Marshall McLuhan that: "All jokes are grievances." I think people with Asperger's are natural observers and could pick out situational things in life to complain about. I mean look at Seinfeld that's his whole gimmick really. He just perfected complaining.

This all kind of depends on the social scene to though. I mean if feels like lowbrow humor going on with your friends. I'm just having the random thought that maybe injecting highbrow humor could help gain notice.


Hmmmm...... actually just found this on Google.

http://austin.culturemap.com/newsdetail ... of-bounds/

Have fun and be excited about things!