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FluttercordAspie93
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28 Nov 2013, 11:08 pm

It's gotten better, but it could still use some improvement.



binaryodes
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29 Nov 2013, 12:06 am

yehh I dont actually make e contact. Never have and never will. Whether its looking at a person or a photo I just cant. I do however get away with it by looking at peoples' face - they cant tell as far as I know. Specifically I centre my attention between the eyes or around the mouth region. I find that if I dont actually look into eyes (do people actually look into each other's eyes) I can follow the conversation without feeling as if im being slowly petrified by Medusa



woodster
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29 Nov 2013, 1:06 am

binaryodes wrote:
yehh I dont actually make e contact. Never have and never will. Whether its looking at a person or a photo I just cant. I do however get away with it by looking at peoples' face - they cant tell as far as I know. Specifically I centre my attention between the eyes or around the mouth region. I find that if I dont actually look into eyes (do people actually look into each other's eyes) I can follow the conversation without feeling as if im being slowly petrified by Medusa


ghoti wrote:
I can fake it, looking their way without focusing on anything.


yeah, i do that. Sometimes i notice that ive not focused on their eyes once. People say i have good eye contact, if only they knew. It probably comes across as a little unfocused to the people that are a little more discerning.



Moop
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29 Nov 2013, 1:46 am

I've had a difficult time maintaining eye contact as a child. My teachers would always ask me to make contact when talking to me one-on-one: even after they asked me I felt very uncomfortable doing so that I could not even make out what they were saying after I did. I don't make eye contact with my parents, I don't think they make much contact with me either. In fact, it was sometime in the 5th grade that I noticed this because my mom asked me to make eye contact with her and it made me frightened.

By that time I did have some understanding of what autism was, and that maybe I also was. I made friends at school, but never retained them or had them over at home. When I heard that the other students were regularly visiting each other, I felt left out. Nearly every student made fun of how I walked (I have no physical disability), and I tried to study how they would walk. Maybe if I could exaggerate how they walked, I would be able to walk the same as them. The point is, by the time I noticed other people made eye contact with each other when conversing, I started to notice my autistic tendencies.

Mostly what I have done since is assume a gaze in the general area between their neck, mouth, and hairline, while periodically making short eye contact. I have practiced eye contact, but still find it hard. I'll try to make it whenever the conversation is about something particularly serious.

I went out with a guy a few times, and whenever we were talking he said I was always looking in another direction. He likely felt offended about that too. Even after I tried making contact after knowing that he was not fond of my non-contact, it still did not feel right. It hurt me inside somehow.

Whenever I need to compute something I have the particular need to look away from the person I'm talking to. I cannot even maintain a gaze at that point. I roll my eyes up to clear any contact, and then I can make my calculations (or remember something, recite a definition, etc). Particularly true where I work because people are always asking me mathematical questions ("How much does a $2 exacta box with three horses cost?"). Since there's a terminal in front of me, I tend to look at the screen whenever asked a question that requires me to figure something.



melmaclorelai
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29 Nov 2013, 6:50 am

It's not great. I can make eye contact and I can maintain it for a few seconds before my eyes move away but I don't do it instinctively or naturally.

I'm not really sure why neurotypical people are so concerned about eye contact. I'm pretty sure that I'd freak someone out if I made prolonged eye contact with them because I'm not very good with facial expressions and body language.


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dobyfm
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29 Nov 2013, 7:16 pm

I don't hold eye contact when someone is talking to me or when I'm the one talking.



Jennylynn9
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07 Dec 2013, 1:58 am

When someone is talking to me I can usually make eye contact for a few seconds at a time, but it's very uncomfortable when I'm talking to someone. I make it a point to glance up at whoever I'm talking to periodically as a way to show them that I'm listening and interested. It's something that I've learned to do though, it definitely doesn't come easily. I just get so uncomfortable and I have to look away...I'm very familiar with the phrase "look at me when I'm talking to you!" :-/



ProbablyNotNormal
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07 Dec 2013, 10:48 am

One of my professors told me this week that I have to work on it.



dreamingofhome
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07 Dec 2013, 1:24 pm

Eye contact has always been extremely uncomfortable for me. It's one of the reasons why I hate one-on-one conversations unless I'm sitting [i]next[i] to the person. For some reason, the whole experience just makes me feel like I'm going to burst into flames or something. However I have managed to go from almost no eye contact to staring a person directly in the eyes (at least in a full-on face-to-face conversation) and reminding myself to look away at appropriate times. What I've learned to do is every time the other person glances away, I wait until they've turned their gaze back on me, and then I'll glance at something else for a moment and turn back.

This is still something that is extremely uncomfortable for me, but I got exposed to the whole interview process early so if I didn't want to dissolve into mush, I had to figure something out.



Gooseberry
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30 Dec 2013, 2:37 pm

I have the opposite problem. I tend to look too long, at people with whom I feel at ease and when there is no tension at all. I fall into a sort of trance. Just recently I realized through some research, I honestly had no idea, that quite a lot of people out there probably think I have a crush on them or tried to seduce them through eye contact, since I also tend to smile a lot. Some just seem to welcome an opportunity to "practice" eye contact, that's okay, I probably should become an eye contact practice dummy.
The more comfortable the other person is, it happens seldom, the longer the eye contact lasts.
This happened with my husband's boss on a business trip, and I only realized some weeks ago (through my research mentioned above) that he might have thought I (or we) were flirting. I was so naive about it I had told my husband about that extraordinary long eye contact that same night, and that I think he has a really great person as a boss. Lately I have the hope, though, that he is just a bit like I am, perhaps he thinks I misinterpreted his look. So since that event I try much more to not look at people too much. It's hard though, as eye contact is my means to connect with people in general and with some people it's a truly comforting and calming experience.



RedStar98
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31 Dec 2013, 3:29 pm

I simply can't make eye contact at all, never have been able to. When I try I just feel very uncomfortable and can't understand what the other person is saying or what I'm saying myself. I can do it for brief seconds but not very much at all, I can't even do it with my family or teachers.



musician_enigma
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31 Dec 2013, 9:04 pm

My eye contact is decent. I observe a noticeable difference between how long a neurotypical makes eye contact versus how I make eye contact, when next to each other talking to the same person. Sometimes I can't make eye contact at all, or I risk sensory overload. When I do make eye contact it feels intense, just a few seconds and I feel like I am staring so I look away (to the right), then back at the person (who is still looking at me) so I look away again. When they look away for a second I look back at them, they look back at me, we hold eye contact for a few seconds then the cycle repeats. If I am deep thinking and talking simultaneously I am more likely to tilt my head slightly up looking up, then when my thoughts are gathered I'll look at the person, making eye contact for a few seconds before looking away again. When everyone is sitting down, I am more likely relaxed, meaning eye contact is easier (unless the main person talking is standing up, here I rarely make eye contact preferring to look down at the table and fiddle with whatever is in my hand to distract myself). I also have moments where my eye contact is excellent. Like if my day is going super awesome (feeling very bold) :D or I am in a professional environment. In a bad mood I am more withdrawn making little eye contact but I am easily cheered up (or can hide discontent).
If I am talking I am much more likely to maintain eye contact versus when they are talking (where I might slightly look downward introspectively and nod my head at the appropriate times).
Many different factors and many situations affect how much eye contact I'll make. Back in high school (2007-2010) I was much worse, before that I never made eye contact so there is progress at least.



Fortran77
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04 Jan 2014, 7:21 pm

I force myself to make eye contact every so often during conversation, but only for a second or two, then I have to look away again. However, I do nod and say "uh-huh" so that the other person knows that I am still paying attention and thinking about what they are saying. Nobody really gives me a hard time about it since it seems like I am listening (which is true, mostly).

I always look away when I am actually talking ("1000 yard stare"), since this is how I can formulate my thoughts.



Sare
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04 Jan 2014, 8:03 pm

My eye contact is good except in instances when I am thinking deeply and trying to convey that understanding in conversation. I typically draw my focus inward so that I can see the images, intuitive responses and thoughts that stream through my head when I am speaking about a topic of interest. I may sometimes choose to hold eye contact for an extended period of time. When I had issues of social anxiety in my teens and early twenties I experienced discomfort maintaining eye contact with people. More recently, I have read more articles and books on eye contact and its role in communication, and found it very interesting - for NTs (who innately operate in hierarchies) they will interpret no eye contact as meaning they are better than you. And will treat you accordingly.



Taylor1002
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05 Jan 2014, 4:36 pm

I didn't know that NTs interpret no eye contact as meaning that they are better than you, which is a troublesome thought. One of the main reasons that my parents thought I might be disabled when I was little was because of my very poor eye contact. I still don't pay enough attention to my eye contact. My family and friends rarely mention that, and I'm afraid it might be because they've accepted poor eye contact as one of my oddities :oops:



Frmeepy
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05 Jan 2014, 5:41 pm

Oh gosh, my eye contact is horrible. I think.

I look around a lot, usually behind the person I'm talking to. A lot of people think I don't like them because of this.

It's worse when I'm kissing someone-- I don't close my eyes or anything, instead I'm awkward with big eyes, looking around behind them and then they think I feel uncomfortable. When really, I'm just getting lost into thought.