The difference between Aspergers & typical human struggl

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Hey, I was hoping that someone could help me make sense of how to best communicate certain things to others. I just got done having a conversation where I attempted to tell the other person how it feels for me to be in social situations and interact with others. I do not feel like I got my point across, seeing as they related the struggles I was expressing to them as being what is normal for everyone. I was trying to explain my inability to make small talk, not being able to understand what is going on with anyone, how to relate to people, how to do what is socially acceptable, figuring out social cues, never coming close to understanding how people think and why everyone seems to get one another, and things like that. I realize that much of what I just listed is common to everyone. I feel like it's on a different level for me though, but I can't express it in a way that communicates that, and even if I could, I'm not sure they'd believe that there actually is a difference.

I'm sure that some of you have dealt with this issue before. Can any of you tell me how you tell others the ways in which it's different for those with Aspergers, how the severity and way in which we experience it go beyond that of what is normal to all of mankind? I'm really struggling with this because there are times when I would like to relate to someone how hard it is, that it isn't just your every day struggle.

Also, if you have any suggestions on how to talk about anything else that relates to symptoms of Aspergers and how it's different than the norm, I'd appreciate those as well.

You cannot explain it to someone who is determined to believe that it doesn't exist. Some people are just thick-headed and refuse to believe that you have a real handicap if they can't see it with their eyes.

When I was a child and tried to explain my Panic Attacks and Hyper-Anxiety to my parents, they called it 'nervous stomach' and gave me Pepto Bismol.

This is why many of us have learned the hard way not to bother telling people about it unless there's a specific "need to know."

There is, in at least to some extent, for me to tell certain people and have them understand. I go to a small group from church on Monday nights, and though I've managed to figure out how to fake interaction fairly(?) well, I still struggle. There wouldn't be much of a reason for anyone to know, mainly leaders, about it except for the fact that we do go on trips. We went to Nashville in May on a mission trip, I just got back from a weekend in a cabin with them, and come January we will go to a conference in Atlanta that is pretty big. I went last year and was completely overwhelmed by a stadium of 60,000 people, loud music, and way too much stimuli. I broke down and caused a bit of an issue because I couldn't explain it to others. It'd be easier for me if the leaders could really understand what is going on with me so that maybe they won't be too quick to assume I'm overreacting.

This is why we might call them Neurotypical or Allistic. This is their handicap, even though they would otherwise be considered "normal".

One way to illustrate this is life experiences. For me my Aspergers meant I was taken to a speech therapist when I was 4 years old. Though at the time Aspergers was not known of and they unhelpfully said I probably spoke little because my parents were quiet, and that was the end of that. I also have vivid memories from when I was about 4 years old, which looking at retrospectively make me a bit of a social outsider even then. I remember being in hospital for an operation and looking over the end of the bed at a group of children sat together watching TV and I wanted to go join in but wasn't sure how. I was unable to deal with the social environment at school and being bullied, and left High school without sitting any exams. However, the fact I later went to College, and advanced beyond to University, shows that if the problems at school were trivial and could have been avoided, then I would.

OP, you should have put this in the general section, you'd get more responses.

I would like to know how to go about doing this too.

Ah, I didn't really know where to place it. I thought it fit here good but I didn't know I could put it in another one. Is there any rules about posting in two places? Maybe I could move this one or repost it in general?

I'm not really sure myself what's the best way, but check this thread out for ideas: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html

The best metaphor I've found for explaining AS to NTs is: "I know the lyrics, but not the tune."

This is the same problem I have. After learning about aspergers and eventually self-diagnosing, I talked to my mom about it but she didn't believe I had it since the things I mentioned were "normal". I couldn't explain properly how I was being affected or just what my reasons for believing myself to be an aspie were. I'd really appreciate help with this too.

Thanks for all the replies. If I ever attempt to explain it to someone again, I will let you guys know how it goes and what I said.

I think that I can sort of understand why NTs do not understand. It seems to me that some of the symptoms/struggles of Aspergers are extreme variations of normal human struggles. Many people have social anxiety and have difficulty navigating social situations. NTs experience that, but they don't understand the difference between what is common/normal and what is not. They do not realize the ways in which these things differ in those of us suffering from something like Aspergers. Because what we're saying seems to relate to something that is real to them, I don't believe that they can see it any other way than through their eyes and then relate it to their experiences. Does that make sense?
I feel this way about a lot of what I go through. For instance, when I attempt to explain my OCD to someone, usually I'm met with the typical, ignorant responses of: "Oh, so many people have that," or, "I'm so OCD about some things, too." I don't ever know whether to correct them or not. How do I tell someone that them sticking to a routine at work because it is most efficient for them, and then them getting frustrated if that system is interfered with, is not OCD? (rhetorical question) It's pointless really. But that's an example of how they relate what they experience and perceive to my more extreme struggles.
Same can go with any number of the things I struggle with: crippling anxiety compared to common anxiety, debilitating mood swings and depression compared to the normal ups and downs of life... the list could go on and on.

All that being said (sorry to ramble), I can sometimes handle their misunderstanding me as long as they treat me kindly. Those who haven't yet grasped what it is I deal with still are supportive people. I have been involved in a small group from church (ages 18-25) for over a year now. During that time they have never pushed me away and they have always been patient. They let me be when I need to retreat and withdraw to a corner, sometimes crying a bit, and then they accept me right back into the group when I'm feeling okay to join in again. They don't make fun of me for any of my compulsions and obsessions, and they accept me just as I am, even my awkwardness. So, because of that, if they can't understand the difference between me and them completely, I'm okay with it because they still love me.

Lack of understanding only becomes an issue when the person is a douchebag.

One difference I have observed is a tendency for an Aspie to live what might be called a more intentional life. Most people do not make conscious decisions. They are "friends" with whoever they are in school with, sit next to, or work with. They do not seem to even give much consideration as to who they are going to have sex with. This sort of life could be seen as reflexive, unintentional, or on "cruise control".

The Aspie may see such easy social intercourse as desirable and may even be envious. However, I would contend that the intentional life would be superior. The person who first considers or evaluates what to say or do may find himself with fewer "freinds" but he also finds himself with fewer arrests, social diseases, and divorces.

If an Aspie constructs a social persona with which to interact with the world, he may gain acceptance only to find that those with whom he has developed social relationships become angry if he should ever discontinue or even interrupt his persona. Most people have an intense emotional need for smooth continuity and if you disrupt that, you can bring the wrath of someone who feels betrayed.

The constructed persona is sort of like a space suit. You can put it on and it lets you interact with the natives. You can program it to have at its disposal glib platitudes and hackneyed rejoinders that pass for conversation. However, at some point you have to come up for air.

I see being an Aspie as sort of stepping out of the Matrix.

As far as OCD goes, you may want to experiment with Inositol, Lithium Orate, and L-Theanine to see if these might help reduce the intensity.

"You've heard of someone having a screw loose upstairs, right? OK - there's a set of about thirty screws, and if almost all of them are loose, someone has severe autism, and probably can't function normally at all. If just a few are loose, that's low-grade autism, or Asperger's, but depending on which ones are out, there's a wide range of symptoms. Some of us feel like we are wearing a hearing aid that is too loud and screechy, and can't be turned off. Looking into someone's eyes can be too intense - we can lose touch with our own personality if we do it. Often, the mirror neurons are affected, so we are slow to learn, and awkward. We are often focussed on logic, and don't "get" a lot of things that are obvious to others, but we also see some things easily that others find obscure."

I've given up trying to explain because I feel like people don't understand. I just say, "I'm just not feeling well." When I get socially over-whelmed. People seem to have become quiet concerned about my health as a result. But it's a go-to excuse that has worked for me, sort of.