Feeling like you're not from this world

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Just wanted to share how I feel inside as many of us feel the same way. I often feel like a robot programmed to do different things. I feel like I'm not programmed for violence. I don't have any friends now, but in the past throughout my school years, I've been told that I needed to toughen up and fight back. I've tried insulting people when they have offended me but it doesn't work that way. "Be yourself" is what I hear. But I can't be myself sometimes, I feel like I have to be the perfect actress to strangers just so I wouldn't come off as selfish. Then again, changing my behavior is changing what makes me. The peace symbol describes me best, I'm not a fighter. I kind of have the personality of a cat and I love animals too much and can relate to them. I have more empathy towards animals than people.

I do have feelings and I'm easily hurt and irritated by small things. But when I watch problems or very cheerful things happening to other people, I often can't relate. Like on a show I saw a girl getting overly excited to have gotten her dream car. I couldn't understand her happiness. I thought in my mind, "It's just a car. But the red color is nice." I'm just a simple girl. I don't understand the whole excitement of buying a new expensive phone or car. To me, they are just objects that I need to help me live an easier life.

Do you have a special interest? Take one thing you love from that special interest and replace it with the car. I've often thought that if I won a car I would have to give it back because I don't know how to drive. I think certain cars can look attractive. I'm the same way about weapons. There's nothing much more getting me excited over cars though.

If it was the camera body I can only dream about owning (or fork out $10,000 to buy) then I would probably get very excited. I got super excited when my mum bought me sci-fi dvds for my birthday because I love film so much and I wanted to see those films for ages.

I feel like a robot too. I'm not programmed for gossip or even nurturing, unless I have to nurture a cat or dog. But a human? Forget about it. I don't know why. I love children but can only talk to them as though I'm the same age. I actually get along with kids better this way than adults who speak to them in either baby language or over praise.

I once tried to lie and be more selfish, like a normal person would but it didn't work out. Say if someone has something that breaks down and I know how to fix it or they lose something and I know how to replace it, I'd just go off and do it. People seem to get really surprised that I'd go to the effort. So one day I didn't but for over three days I had this compulsion to just do it. So I did.

I can enjoy lying because I rarely do it but then I feel the guilt.

You know my name actually translates as peace. I was called it because I was a very quiet baby but I really am a non-confrontational person and do all I can to keep the peace.

be creative... might be less confusing than being yourself. and trust me, the last thing in the world you need to wonder about, is why you dont think or feel the same way as someone on a t.v. show. I cannot watch t.v. much at all, especially the news. I am actually afraid that if everyone watches that stuff, we may all be that way. horrible thought. peace is a great thought. unfortunately, this is a preditorial universe. just ask the cat.

I can relate to this as well. I am capable of feeling a lot of different emotions but I don't always know how to express them or understand them, particularly if they're someone else's emotions. It occurs pretty regularly during conversations with other people - some of them just have no idea when to shut up or what is an appropriate conversation topic for the time and place and I've completely lost count of the number of times I've thought "Why are you telling me this?" to myself. I just don't really know what to say half of the time and it makes things awkward and difficult.