Have you run into your former bullies later?

Post Reply New Topic

Like, several years later - and how was the exchange, cordial and contrite, or seething and unrepentant?

I've had a mixed bag of 'em - one guy, call him Mike, who was more of a secondary bully or a "minion" apologized for going along with the ringleaders (in middle school), he always thought they were cruel and unfair and he took my side at times (but I guess not when it was gonna get *him* persecuted too!! ) - this was in a bar at the age of 25. We shook hands, had a drink together and chatted, and hung out a couple of times after that but lost touch (this was just before I got diagnosed with ASD/HFA).

Another couple of bullies, one of who was my old roommate in my 20s and his jackass friend he'd hang out with - these guys were actually smaller than me, I'm fairly well built but still came off as awkward (not so much anymore), and they'd make sarcastic compliments and insults towards me, asking me inappropriate things and such - well I found out a few years after at the age of 30 the jackass had been killed in a car accident...didn't shed a tear. The other guy, well I ran into him about a decade after we parted ways, just by chance one night...and he hadn't changed a bit. (he didn't amount to much in between, moving back in with his mother after we parted ways) I just told him go f**yourself, and he chuckled as I turned my back and walked away.

The worst year I had for bullying was in Grade 9, but I was in a fairly far away town just for that year and haven't been around there since, so I never encountered anyone from that hellhole again. Thankfully...

In Grade 10 there was a guy called James who was really arrogant, he was one of those few people who had both intellectual and emotional intelligence - and from well-off parents (I went to a middle-upper class school, a class which my family has always been part of), he would put you down over not wearing the best clothes or not being "with it" on social dialogue or music tastes, and I was the brunt of his ridicule. He went to a top school after, graduated with high honours, and became a successful chiropractor. I never saw him since, don't plan to.

The most despicable adult bullies (and I used the word "adult" loosely), were these two guys - call 'em Doug and Martin - this was while I was at college/uni, I was in the "student ghetto" living with a couple of guys that I got along well with, still friends with one to this day...but these a-holes Doug and Martin would act like king of the hood, they were these stereotypical "cocky jock" douches with ball caps, loud-mouthed louts who loved to hurl homophobic insults at guys who didn't "measure up". I was harassed by them in a drive-by where they pelted me with garbage, a couple of walk-bys, house party, uni pub, etc...it wasn't nearly as often as in public school, but one time the bullying turned physical, no hospitalization, but no unbiased witnesses for cop-calling.

Thank gawd, I never saw Martin again - he became a schoolteacher last I saw online - and Doug started his own business. He also coaches little league sports, and his Facebook page had all kinds of extreme sport stuff like bungee jumping and para-gliding. I ran into him by chance about at the age of 26, 4 years after finishing uni, and it was obvious he hadn't changed...he still made sneering sarcastic remarks, called me gay , etc. (Even though I've always been straight, and have been married to a woman for a while now.) Doug and Martin were fairly big guys, both over 6 ft and over 200 lbs, athletic and mean looking, and they probably were bullies for a long time b/c no-one stood up to them in the early years, so my best strategy was avoidance. They were very likely sociopaths.

So ,all of which is to say, not always true when you hear the cliche from your supporters, "those bullies will never amount to anything" - there are always exceptions...I think what's most satisfying is when you find out that your former bullies went to jail, or messed with the wrong person and faced stiff consequences.

I have; I ended up working in the same place (and same room) as one of my old bullies. Fortunately she wasn't one of the worst ones so I was able to keep my cool... that and her contract in that place ended around a month after I started there.

Yes. They're afraid of me now.

One of them is tumour-ridden, so her mind is elsewhere now.

Yes, the two worst are still in my city and haven't changed a bit. They are still sociopaths and are highly respected even though they both look like street thugs. I was as professional as I could have been with them while thinking to myself that if I ever got a terminal illness they better watch their back. I always got through the bad experiences by telling myself I would get the last laugh but they are doing far better than I am in life. In other words, I was a good kid, studied hard, sacrificed, did good deeds for others and saved money and in the end all of it meant jack %$#ing $@$#@.

Nope and I hope it stays that way.

Maybe a couple of times. No effect on me.

Wow, you gotta wonder how they made it so big, given their profile!! I mean, I couldn't picture unsavoury characters like that being doctors or lawyers or scientists, engineers, or (legitimate) business professionals. Sounds to me that they fit the mold of being "Goodfellas" or something, and the "highly respected" part is really FEAR

They are both highly successful commissioned salespeople. One is a real estate agent and the other is a furniture salesman I believe: they are too sleazy to even sell cars! No surprise as they are both experts at manipulation: both of them are highly involved in youth sports and have bleached blonde wives and kids. These are guys who take pleasure in the suffering of others and know how to put on a fake front in order to position the knife close to their victims. Think Eric Cartman from South Park times two and you have an idea of what they are like.

There were some boys who bullied me in grade school. I mostly did not see them in later school years because we were in different levels of classes (I was in a higher level.) There was one mixed elective where I ended up working on a group project with one of my former bullies. In this group project, he had to basically just do whatever my friend and I told him because we were smarter and he knew it. We could get him a good grade if he just cooperated.

In college, I ran into another former bully from the same group. We worked together. He had actually changed and even apologized to me for being so mean to me back then.

Most of the time, I don't think a lot of people remember how mean they were to you, or are unable to imagine how horrible it must have been to experience all that. For the most part, people grow up and stop such behavior. There are some exceptions, of course.

I don't feel it's good, in general, to dwell on the past.

I was bullied. I've had a few people apologize for it recently. My response was a big blank in my mind, since we were all stupid kids, and it happened so long ago.

If you let bullies determine your life-philosophy, you've conceded defeat, and ensured their victory.

But if the effects of what people have done to you still affect you after many years, are those things really in the past?

Yes and they acted as if they were my friends, which was really disturbing.

Ah, SALES!! I shoulda known!! So they're total psychopaths/sociopaths from what you describe. We can't assume that was due to poor parenting, but I imagine their parents were not the greatest folks either.
Cartman, eh-he-hey...you guy-yise...lol.

And what's with the youth sport involvement?!? That's like practically a token attribute of these evildoers, like it's part of their act to convince others that they're upstanding community contributors, when who knows what their intentions are with those poor kids, I don't wanna know. If it's just verbal abuse at worst, then that's a relief

I’ve only seen two of my former bullies.

One was a girl who used to bully me when I was very young. Years later she started going out with a friend of mine and used to apologise to me fairly regularly. I didn’t know how to take it and I always palmed it off as it was nothing, partly also because I didn’t really want people finding out about my past because I’d been semi-successful at appearing normal for a good while!
I know that she has been working with special needs kids since she left school, and because she seemed so genuinely sorry about what she used to do, I don’t know if I could tell her I’m ASD as I think she would be gutted.

Another bully I ran into once was more of a lackey bully, one of few I would stand up to a bit more when he was on his own.
Anyway a good few years after we’d left school I was on a night out with friends / acquaintances and late in the night he walked into a quiet kebab shop we were in. I was sat on my own in the corner as I wasn’t ordering anything and he walked towards me fluffing up his shoulders in that peacock-like way bullies do saying ‘well, well, well look who it is...’
I replied (quite loudly so my friend would hear) ‘well if it isn’t Bob Wayne’
And - as if I’d written the situation - my friend and all his friends turned round and in unison said ‘Who?!’

He shrinked away into his shell and slinked out of the door saying ‘you alright yeah?’ And giving me a weak thumbs up as he disappeared down the street.

Not gonna lie, I enjoyed that moment very much

One of my bullies from middle school attends my university. I had a class with him last year. It sucked. He is still a nasty as*hole.

Yes, I fully believe they are either full blown psychopaths or sociopaths, not that there is much of a difference. As for the parents, when "J" was in my class he "befriended me". When I visited his parents house they proceeded to make fun of me and what a wimp I was after they literally threw their giant Doberman right at me and I screamed like any person would do in that situation. They later used to taunt me at baseball and yell out to "hit him as hard as you can". Not one parent or umpire ever spoke up against them although in fairness the association DID change a rule based solely on what he did to me. It was just incredible to see how they could claim black is white and everybody would believe it. Clearly their kid turned out just like they did.


I just can't figure out how people are fooled by them so easily. They don't even look charming but more like common street thugs. How they are able to pass a criminal background is beyond me: surely they must have slipped up at least once in their adult lives!