Fighting or arguing for fun

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I have been among several different groups of friends during the past years and I often see the same unexplainable behavior : A couple of them will start arguing or calling each other names (with others potentially also joining in) ; their tones are serious and their words pretty harsh. About a minute later they will stop doing that and laugh and continue talking normally. There have been lots of variations of the above reactions, including hitting the table, standing up and shouting loudly, or threatening with some object. Even the instigations vary widely, from a different opinion on a trivial subject, to one grabbing an object and refusing to give it to someone else who's asking for it.


Since then I have learned to not get alarmed and accept it ; now I often find it funny myself especially if it's between female friends. The problem is when I get "called" to participate in such scenarios, like when someone shouts at me with the intention of starting the above (let's call it) game or asks me to do something that is supposed to make me mad and willing to start the game myself. At first I thought I grasped how the game works and tried to play it myself, receiving either blank stares and silence or very negative comments (double these reactions whenever I explain I was trying to be funny). Later on I just started giving in to their "demands" and as a result I became constantly ignored on grounds of being an unfunny guy.

When I try to begin a game myself, the others react totally differently to how they would if any other had started it. Last night I was holding a doll and a girl told me to give it to her, I rejected her claim in the same way that she herself did in identical circumstances (as best as I could), trying to instigate the game, until a few seconds later when another girl, bluntly and with a blank stare, took it from my hand and gave it to her. Obviously instead of making everyone have a good time I had severely annoyed them... It's like I kill the fun no matter what I do or don't do.


So, does anyone have similar experiences to describe? Any opinions? Any tips on what to do?

That happened to me ALL THE TIME in school. I just find it hurtful when people start acting angry towards me, I can understand that they think it's a joke, but I don't see how calling someone names and acting angry at them is a way of bonding.

I don't really know what to do about it. I had a roommate who called me names for fun, and I didn't find it funny. But for a year I couldn't figure out why I felt so badly around him, until I realized that it was because he would always call me names and do the 'fake angry' game. It was just really confusing. He wants to be friends still, so I told him not to do that anymore because I don't find it funny. He acted offended like I was making a big deal of something that wasn't a big deal.

I think it's a big deal. I don't call my friends names, I bring them soup and drive them places. I just don't think it's a very nice thing to do to someone.

my parents did it too me all the time (they didn't call me names, more like teased me and jokingly threatened to give me away to foster care etc). it used to worry and puzzle me when I was very little, but I quickly started seeing it as fun and doing so myself.

people often think I'm serious at first, but I guess I kind of learned when to stop it before it goes out of hand.

I do go overboard sometimes though.

I have the same problem. I think the root of it may be that people have trouble telling if we are serious or not. Having a monotone voice and/or lack of (appropriate) facial expressions and body gestures may be the biggest reason for this. No matter how well you mimic the actions that were successful for others, if you lack the expressions or gestures that NTs use I think it is hard for them to tell how to react to you. This has at least been my observation with my own experiences.