Don't you hate being shut out?

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So last week I suggested to a classmate in my film program that we get some people together to go see Coraline. A lot of us are into animation, so it seemed like a no-brainer. It was early in the week, and she said we'd talk about it later. A few days went by, and I sent her a message reiterating the idea. No reply. Then a couple days ago I see this person's post on facebook about how great it was. She goes and sees it without me. It's not like it was a date, since I'd said we get several people together. It makes me so mad. It's hard enough for us with these things, and to try, to make real efforts at socializing, and the f*cking NTs still shut us out! I'm beginning to wonder who's the real dysfunctional here? Let's see. We're upfront, clear thinking & logical. We say what we mean, and do what we say. We certainly seem to value companionship and friends more than they do!

BR

I'm sorry this happened to you. If it's any consolation, I've had similar things happen. From now on, go and see and do what you want to see and do whether anyone comes with you or not. You'll be glad you did.

Yeah.

That's a bummer man. Someone who would treat you in such a disrespectful manner by not even having the courtesy to say no is not someone you want to hang with anyway.

Don't let this discourage you though. It happens to aspies & NTs alike. Just us aspies have a tendency to dwell on it too much. Don't stop socializing.

Whitetiger has a good philosophy. Do things on your own & see if people want to join you rather than depend solely on getting together with a particular person before anything happens.

It sucks that someone would do that to you. I think it's because neurotypicals are just way too mean and unaccepting of people like us. They only care about themselves. To make you feel a little better, this has happened to me and other Aspies before, so it's completely normal and there is nothing wrong with you. It's the neurotypical's fault!

What a jerk.

Never rely on other people to support your ideas and plans. I've learned to say things like, "Hey, I'm going to a movie at nine. Who wants to come along?" instead of "We should go see a movie together sometime." The first shows decisiveness, while the second is kinda wimpy.

That was sh***y on your classmate's part. At least now she has to deal with the strain of knowing you probably saw her friend's post about that film. Does she strike you as uptight or conceited? I ask because if this is the action of a seemingly nice and normal person then what little faith in humanity I have is further diminished.

Do these people know you're different?

Gee, I hope the same thing doesn't happen to me when I try to become an extra in the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular.

That's mean. Most people don't seem to realize it's ten times worse for anyone with a social disorder.

Yeah, I hate being shut out. It happens all the time though.

For example at work, there must always be someone in the office to answer the phone or deal with customers that might come, so in most departments people take turns (either half the department goes at a time, or they take turns staying behind alone). In my department everyone else goes to lunch together and I'm always the one left behind and then going to lunch alone. They shut me off like that all the time. Every time I try to join them they change their plans so I end up alone anyway. And then there are complaints about me not socializing enough with the others. How can I when they shut me off all the time?

Man that stinks. Gets me to wondering if they're not all rotten. I like to think what this world would be like if everyone were aspies. I think it'd be a whole lot better.

The greatest feeling is to turn it around. I have something in the works right now I'll keep you posted.
I've had this kind of stuff happen to me all my life, even in my own family all the way down to my own brother, sister, and father.
Didn't matter if it's something like fishing, movies, concerts, or just watching a movie, it always infuriated me, and when I confront whoever, they apologize for it, as if that's enough, especially when there's that voice of truth telling you it's going to happen again.

That really sucks.

Even if this person thinks you're an NT, it's still rude. I've heard of similar things happening between NT friends of mine (one isn't a friend anymore), and even they consider it rude. It's just so much sharper when you do everything right and it comes out wrong.

You have my sympathy.

Happens to me all the time, and much worse too. The sad thing is that her behavior is considered the polite thing to do in society: string people along, don't give them a clear negative answer, evade them with silences and little """""white""""" lies, then disappoint them and have them discover the truth indirectly when you're not there. Even sadder is that most people prefer to be lied to their faces than hear a negative answer, so you're in a very small minority and you don't get much sympathy for what she did to you.

I harbour lots of resentment to everyone who's ever done such things to me. May they rot in hell.