Have you ever asked someone....

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Have you ever asked someone how you are "different" exactly? I'm not DXed and not sure I have it but I wanted to know what others thought and how they perceive me. Me and about 15 people were around a bonfire last night. For some reason, some of us started talking about what is normal. I said that most people see me as strange or different, and asked them exactly how I was. They said they couldn't pinpoint it exactly, it was an overall impression. Then I got a little creeped out because the group I was talking to started talking about empathy, and the other people started talking about some guy they knew that spoke in a monotone and didn't understand sarcasm... coincidence :?

Anyway, can others who don't know anything about ASDs, especially if you are DXed actually, pinpoint exactly how you are different, or is it the norm among NTs to have just an overall impression that someone is "different"?

It's amazing how one can steer a conversation without even meaning to. For instance, if you start talking general psychology, you are likely to interject your opinion, and that may get people thinking about ASDs on some level. Just yesterday, I had lunch with some co-workers. I've gone out to lunch many times with one of them before, but not since I suspected I was autistic. Now, the first time out, we got to talking and he told us that his son was diagnosed with AS. Definitely not a coincidence; I am positive I unconsciously steered the conversation.


No, I have never had anyone (other than my wife who knows me very well) suggest that I might have an ASD. Although I have to say... I think people can sense that I am "different" almost immediately; I get that sense from them. I'm lucky enough that I don't give off an unpleasant vibe, just a very different one. Combined with no lack of self-confidence, I think people see me as very intriguing. Others see me as intimidating. But I don't think very many could put into words why that is.

Yeah I have. I have asked men I was seeing two years ago how I appear to them and they all said positive things like I really like Benny & Joon, I'm so honest, direct straight forward, and say lot of things people wouldn't normally say. I even used to ask my ex all the time and he saw lot of things wrong with me but not my current bf. I tries asking someone online I have seen in Spokane a few times and he said "What's normal?" and asked me if he is abnormal because he wears diapers or if adult babies aren't normal because they have infantilism.


I guess those people weren't being honest with you?

I've never asked anyone that before, people have noticed that I'm different however, once I even got asked why I was always quiet.

not honest with me how?

I did an exercise in a management class once, and I was supposed to have 5 people give me a list of words that they would use to describe me. No explanations, just adjectives. I asked friends, family and co workers. I got everything from compassionate and giving to spoiled and diabolical. (I am so sensitive to peoples feelings that the last one made me laugh) It was interesting. Maybe you could aske what makes you "you" and see what they come up with rather than what makes you "different". You may get some insight, and you may realize that every person will see in you how they want to through their own filter, and it could be vastly different between people.

One time when I used to go college once a week we did a unit on communication, and the teacher told us to give eachother feedback from what we've seen so far, we'd just started then.
And everyone told me that I'm quiet, slightly standoff-ish, and one girl said when she spoke to me I sounded a bit snappy like I didn't want to talk to her, and then to be nice they said I'm probably a "good listener". It's all the things that your typical shy aspie would be, I felt embarrassed because the week before we had to do a team building exercise and one girl said "do you talk at all" and I said "yes just not at the moment" and she mentioned that at that college lesson.

I always wanted to know how I looked around people, so I asked my best friend from 1-10 how outwardly AS-ish I seem, and he said 3, which is what I expected and it answered my question.

See, I think we behave very differently when we are comfortable than when we are not. I am fully aware that I can come off sounding abrupt, blunt, and just downright grumpy when I'm in a situation where I do not wish to socially interact. When I'm with friends, however, it's totally different. I may occasionally say the wrong things, but it's generally accepted and either overlooked or shrugged off.

They wouldn't point out your faults and then they go onto talking about someone else about that person's faults. It just looked like to me they didn't want to tell you what things you have wrong with you that appear different. People.

I have no diagnosis. I am sure I have traits of AS. I am increasingly thinking that the problems I have will not fit into any diagnostic catagory.
People (friends and family) have suggested that I have AS, or admitted to thinking it when I've said I suspect I have it.

A few years ago, I asked lots of people why I am not normal. I tried making a list of it, which I've now got in front of me, but it looks like I gave up or got bored of making that list because it's very short.

It says the reasons I'm not normal are:

- this list
- all the other lists I make
- my love of notebooks
- talking about irrelevent things
- fascination with death
- weird moods
- not thinking I have to do what I'm told
- not going to P.E. lessons

(I've written that the last two come under 'attitudes')

I also remember being given the answers:

- having strange friends
- sometimes making noises instead of saying words
- there are so many things that I can't list them
- you just are

but those things are not on the list.

Oh, there was more than one conversation going on around the bonfire, I caught pieces of the other one, the people I was talking to didn't talk about the guy with the monotone voice.

It has been awhile, but when people would give me advice it would be: "to be myself". I never understood what they meant. I didn't know who else I was supposed to be pretending to be. I have been told I can be arrogant and condescending. I see myself as generous and willing to make sacrifices to help someone else. I am not sure where the miscommunication happens, but people are frequently finding hidden messages in what I say, whether it be tone or not producing enough emotion that forces me to reinterpret for them and apologize for not being more clear.

I did once back in high school. A friend told me it was like I had a "bubble" around me and also said I was "hard to get to know." She couldn't explain it further and I didn't understand what she meant.

Except for the bubble girl thing, the opinions I've received throughout my life weren't solicited and were mostly in the form of criticism and demands for improvement. I was told I was neurotically nonsocial, self-centered, weird for eating the same thing every day, weird for wearing the same clothes all the time, that I was lazy because I "didn't like to be inconvenienced," that I would "never be happy," that I was aloof, too quiet and had "no ambition," among others.

Informative, I guess, but I'm not sure how helpful it was being informed of my "character defects"... lol. On the other hand, I've been praised for "differences" that were positive, such as uncommon attention to detail, precise memory and grace/rhythm.

Oh stupid me, how could I have not understand the post? It was so simple.

I copied and pasted this from a recent email I got my from my step-daughter.


i told mom a long time ago that i think you have some form of autism. occasionally i sense a bit of rain man. this ability to think big and deep and disappear in your own thoughts and miss something totally obvious to everyone around you, etc. there's more to it than that, but you just seemed to be one of those functional autistic folks..

Usually the feed back I get now is being different and quiet , my mother inlaw adds anti- social in with this.
when me and the wife argue ; im branded as being self-absorbed and indifferent.

But I was surprised to here this from her, as she is a very bright girl indeed.

These three are not normal? Many people make lists; my wife loves notebooks. I would hardly consider that to be abnormal!


I'm sure that you have traits that are indicative of AS, but it's funny how they don't come across to others. Taking that list completely from the context of this discussion doesn't even come close to pointing towards AS as cause.

I think we express ourselves differently than others do, but it's really hard to put into words for whatever reason. People often seem to just "know" though; they can sense it.