Your boy's main problem seems to be the transitions, yeah? I know that's a big problem for many autistic people, and if your boy is autistic, that may be why.
You're right to look into it. It's not like a label can help directly; but it will help you get him the help he needs to do better at school, and it will help him understand himself better to know how he is different (and, above all, that it isn't his fault, nor an insurmountable problem, nor something to be ashamed of).
Re. being nice--at six, I didn't know what "be nice" meant! I mean, I understood that hurting other people was wrong; but I didn't know that you could hurt somebody by saying they were fat, even if they were; or that you had to take turns; or any of those little things. I had to be taught, and that was where a diagnosis would've helped me--I could've been told what social protocol I should be following, instead of just repeatedly failing and getting punished or rejected and having to learn by trial-and-error.
It's not uncommon for autistic people to be introverted, but then, plenty of people without any diagnosis are introverted too.
Re. meltdowns: By definition, you can't pull yourself together. That's why they're so scary. Trust me, your boy doesn't like losing control any more than you or his teachers like him doing it.
re. hiding under tables and desks--I don't blame him. School is big and scary and small spaces, like under desks, can be very comforting and private. I wouldn't worry about it, except that he should be told that hiding in small spaces is something best done in private. If he has to hide to stay calm, though, he should be allowed to--in fact, if you can get his teacher to set out a bean bag or some other comfortable spot for him to escape to when he needs to--at the back of the class, where he can still hear the lesson--then go for that. What I wouldn't have done to get an opportunity like that myself when I was in school! I bet his classmates would like it too, come to that. School gets stressful even for typical kids.
Anyway, those transition problems should probably be your big issue right now, especially if they are outright triggering meltdowns. Constant meltdowns can make your life absolutely miserable, and schedule changes feel more like being thrown into the deep end of the pool, everything's unpredictable, you don't know what's going to happen... imagine being randomly transported to China (or, you know, some other country where you don't know the people and the langauge and what's going on) and given a random job and expected to do it, and people not understanding how you could possibly not understand people or how to do things... that's what transitions feel like to me... Totally unpredictable, you can't get a grip so you freeze or you cry or you zone out... Anyway, the best thing for transitions is getting fair warning ahead of time when one is going to happen, like with planners and schedules and even timers, so you know "in five minutes we're going to recess", and things like that. It's a lot easier to change things when you know they're coming up. The more of a sense of control your boy has, the better. It won't feel so much like getting randomly dumped into the ocean every time something unexpected happens, if only he knows it's going to happen.
11 Sep 2009, 8:35 pm
