Suicide

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autism and suicide.

I attempted three times between the ages of 12 and 14. Fortunately they were all failures.

Prevalence in the general population:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10401507

(these questions are for everyone)
What brought you to attempt or consider suicide? Do you still have this problem? If not, how'd you get through this?

Attempted once. I've thought about it a lot of times too. Kind of glad those days are over.

I've often felt that I didn't deserve to live, but was too scared to die. I have cut myself, but not for suicidal intentions, but rather to punish myself.

once attempted

Only once did I ever truly think about committing suicide, but I have occasionally wondered whether I might ever end up having done it. In all kinds of situations that could be harmful to me or to just about anyone else nearby, I sometimes have to very carefully "freeze" for just a moment and be sure I am "in reality" and thinking sanely before next doing or saying anything at all.

Being very new here, I ask: Is that something that is outside the realm of AS? If so, I will not mention it again.

I voted "I´ve seriously considered suicide, but never made an attempt.", though I'd say (if it makes sense), that I'm in between that and "I´ve attempted suicide.". There was at least one time I would have attempted (jump out of moving car), but my body froze up on me.

What, no "I'd never commit suicide and if you ever hear in the news I did, go tell the police I've been murdered and they want to make it look as a suicide" option?

I'd rather exterminate humanity instead...

(Got no problem with unscientific polls; just wanted to point it out in case somebody came in here and said, "oh crap, my child is an Aspie, that means they've got a huge chance of being suicidal!"... you don't want to spook the parents; they've got a crazy enough world to deal with as is!)

I've found myself walking down the road to where the speed limit increased, intending to step out in front of a truck when I knew the odds were very good that I wouldn't survive. Of course, I never did, or else I wouldn't be here today (at 65 mph, pedestrian-versus-car isn't very survivable, and those who do survive tend towards catastrophic injury). It's also definitely good for whatever hapless trucker might've had to deal with it. I don't think I was thinking very straight, but then, suicidal people generally don't.

Oddly enough, it seems that for some people, if the method you've been thinking about is extremely likely to work, there may be a great deal more hesitance about it than if you're just taking pills or something of that sort and can feel as though you're leaving it up to fate. The knowledge that it will be final if you do it is something that doesn't leave much room for ambivalence.

Of course, that could be completely different for people who tend to be impulsive; in that case, let's hope whatever you've thought of is something you can survive.

Impulsive suicides are the worst sort, I think, because they happen before you have time to get your rationality into it; and I know that many of us really treasure logic and thinking things through. It's like taking our best weapon from us, when we need it most.

I thought about it when I was young and stupid. I don't think I've ever made a serious attempt that I actually thought would work though, so I picked the second option. I remember having suicidal thoughts as young as 5 or 6 years old, which common sense would tell me isn't even possible. There was a seriously messed up time in my life around my sophomore year of high school where I thought that committing suicide would only be giving all those people who made my life hell what they wanted, and I couldn't do that. If I did, then they would win.

But luckily I'm not like that anymore. I try not to even do things that could result in accidental death anymore (like, even after I got over that suicidal phase, I'd still sometimes do things like drive 40 mph over the speed limit on an already dangerous road). I still get depressed and feel hopeless sometimes, but I still want to keep on living.

Have considered it, but learned to love life eventually.

It's been on my mind a lot lately. At some point I need to deal with it. I'll do things like just recently I took 10 benadryl and then for the next week my brain was absolutely fried. But I knew taking 10 benadryl was not going to kill me. But I wanted to act out and do harm. Or beating my head to the point my face is all bruised. That's not a suicide attempt though. Here's the thing. I do identify with what others say about when you are out driving going fast and maybe that can lead to an accident or flipping your car. Problem is, if you survive, you've just made things even worse. I don't have health insurance, so that would just about bankrupt me. But yes I think about it. Has anyone watched the Budd Dwyer video? It's disturbing and with all of the peoples' reactions in the press conference who were there.

But for the most part I do believe I have called my own bluff on the suicide thing. If I was going to do it, I feel like I would have done it already.