Do your friends care about your love life?

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Zara
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13 Feb 2010, 11:26 am

Its just something I was thinking about the other day.
I've often wondered how my friends perceive my love life and my struggles with it. They know I try to ask women out, try to date, but that I remain single never the less. Sometimes they can give me plenty of reasons not to go out with a particular person, but they never offer any suggestions as to who might be more worthy of time.
I guess I hope that friends that can help one find more dates, introduce me to other people, bring me to people they think I might like and what not.
Am I wrong to assume this kind of thing with friends? Does anyone have friends who seem to help them with dating and meeting people?


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Hector
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13 Feb 2010, 11:44 am

I've heard people say things like "oh, if you have real friends then they can act as wingmen or try to set you up". While occasionally friends (without asking) have hyped me up with women they think I'm interested in, I'm not sure it was necessarily a help and it's as far as they've gone. In my experience it's something I can only discuss with my closest friends, and even then most of them would change the subject immediately. When it comes to this subject, I find my friends either think about their own situation and not that of the men they could end up competing with, or if they're in a comfortable long-term relationship they don't want to talk about trifling matters when they'd rather talk about the issues that arise from actually being in a relationship.

So does that just mean they're not very good friends for me? I think of this, and then think about what I'd do for a hypothetical friend who was a single guy without much luck, and conclude that I probably wouldn't help him much either. So I honestly think that having friends help you out with this sort of thing is nice, but generally too much to ask.



Lene
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13 Feb 2010, 12:00 pm

No, not really. In fairness though, I don't really set them up with other people either. I listen if they want to talk, but it's not my job to find them a partner; too much responsibility if it goes wrong!



Tim_Tex
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13 Feb 2010, 12:43 pm

I think most people I know would be indifferent.


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Shebakoby
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13 Feb 2010, 1:53 pm

hell, my own siblings won't set me up with anyone. But then of course, they would refuse to associate with the sort of people that share my interests. Don't have a lot of RL friends, and none of them have tried to set me up either. Of course, a ton of them I don't see very often anyway.



Zara
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13 Feb 2010, 1:58 pm

It just seems to me this sort of thing appears in media often, but I've wondered if it is all like that in real life. I would like if my friends were more supportive in my dating struggles even though I'm not sure what real help they could offer.


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MrSinister
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13 Feb 2010, 2:25 pm

An online acquaintance of mine is very concerned with my love-life, or lack thereof. He seems intent on getting me to break out of the whole "being single" deal - to the extent that he has called me "the holy grail" (in terms of what people are looking for in a potential partner, that is). He even told me outright that he'd snap me up in a flash, or at least have sex with me.

I know that was meant as a compliment, but it didn't make me feel any less taken aback or uncomfortable...


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Spazzergasm
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13 Feb 2010, 3:17 pm

MrSinister wrote:
An online acquaintance of mine is very concerned with my love-life, or lack thereof. He seems intent on getting me to break out of the whole "being single" deal - to the extent that he has called me "the holy grail" (in terms of what people are looking for in a potential partner, that is). He even told me outright that he'd snap me up in a flash, or at least have sex with me.

I know that was meant as a compliment, but it didn't make me feel any less taken aback or uncomfortable...


I'm assuming you're a guy based off of your username....The bold bit is indeed very, erm, uncomfortable. You sure he isn't gay?



superboyian
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13 Feb 2010, 5:13 pm

My friends however worry about my love life.... Which I really appreciate worrying if I ended up getting hurt deeply, but lately, I went to see my sweet beloved girlfriend and that went out good, i'm surprised she took it well that i can't see her this valentines day. :(

They might tell me something might be up.... Also my mate told me that she was talking on and on about me. :lol: but also he was worried that it could turn out to me arguments.

I don't know, but its all pretty confusing for me.


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Homer_Bob
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13 Feb 2010, 6:43 pm

What love life? I got jack squat, nada, nothing. I've told plenty of people(well girls) about me never having a girlfriend and they all seem to be in shock because they claim I'm so nice; yet they all have boyfriends so that means nothing. Girls have flirted with me plenty of times but they all have boyfriends. It's not fair. Why?????


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13 Feb 2010, 7:56 pm

Ironically, I have coworkers (both the ones around my age and rank, and the older civilians) trying to set me up or get me to go out all the time. Quite frankly, it's annoying as all hell, and even after 2 years of essentially being an a$$hat and telling them to stop, they continue to do it. Especially the older females, at least the younger males have mostly stopped.

I don't understand what it is with women over a certain age that always seem to try to be matchmakers. I guess it just irks them or something to see a young bachelor not even trying to hook up, or not caring to be more accurate.


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loko
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14 Feb 2010, 7:55 pm

yeah I have co-workers trying to constantly set me up with other co-workers or offer suggestions on how to meet people and it drives me crazy. usually the suggestions involve going to a bar. i hate bars for the most part (there are a couple of very rare exceptions) and i try to explain to people that it's not as easy for me as it is for others to hook up or meet someone or "be confident" or any of that. and they say i'm just making excuses. it's very frustrating because i refuse to come right out and tell these people i work with that look, i have asperger syndrome, and it's very common for those of us with it to not date anyone. i used to hate the idea of spending the rest of my life alone, but now i'm starting to think it wouldn't be so bad. i have no problem entertaining myself and 90% of the time i don't mind not getting laid or anything. the other 10% is because there's someone i'm interested in. and when i'm interested in someone it's usually a huge clusterf**k because for some reason i always fall for married dudes i work with. i sure as hell don't go looking for it and i hate myself for it and i don't do it on purpose and all that, but i do it a lot. i did it again recently and he let me know that he can't, which i'd be silly not to respect that, but at the same time the feelings are mutual and he turned the goddamn flirting up to 11. someone shoot me please, anyway since this guy is in the picture and the level of want is astronomical i'm in one of those 10% ruts where i wanna get my freak on, but can't. and it isn't like any guy will do either, once i get stuck on someone it's very tough and takes a long time for me to move on... and it takes me a long time to become comfortable enough with someone to develop feelings for him. i hate this crap, i'm working with my therapist to try and figure out why the hell i do this to myself and how the hell do i stop it?!?! i can't help how i feel but goddamn, i can only take so much.

and please don't tell me i'm an as*hole for coveting a married dude, i've covered that enough plenty on my own as it is :cry:



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15 Feb 2010, 9:59 am

loko wrote:
yeah I have co-workers trying to constantly set me up with other co-workers or offer suggestions on how to meet people and it drives me crazy. usually the suggestions involve going to a bar. i hate bars for the most part (there are a couple of very rare exceptions) and i try to explain to people that it's not as easy for me as it is for others to hook up or meet someone or "be confident" or any of that. and they say i'm just making excuses. it's very frustrating because i refuse to come right out and tell these people i work with that look, i have asperger syndrome, and it's very common for those of us with it to not date anyone. i used to hate the idea of spending the rest of my life alone, but now i'm starting to think it wouldn't be so bad. i have no problem entertaining myself and 90% of the time i don't mind not getting laid or anything. the other 10% is because there's someone i'm interested in. and when i'm interested in someone it's usually a huge f**** because for some reason i always fall for married dudes i work with. i sure as hell don't go looking for it and i hate myself for it and i don't do it on purpose and all that, but i do it a lot. i did it again recently and he let me know that he can't, which i'd be silly not to respect that, but at the same time the feelings are mutual and he turned the goddamn flirting up to 11. someone shoot me please, anyway since this guy is in the picture and the level of want is astronomical i'm in one of those 10% ruts where i wanna get my freak on, but can't. and it isn't like any guy will do either, once i get stuck on someone it's very tough and takes a long time for me to move on... and it takes me a long time to become comfortable enough with someone to develop feelings for him. i hate this crap, i'm working with my therapist to try and figure out why the hell i do this to myself and how the hell do i stop it?!?! i can't help how i feel but goddamn, i can only take so much.

and please don't tell me i'm an as*hole for coveting a married dude, i've covered that enough plenty on my own as it is :cry:


I am in a similar situation as you. I can't seem to get any interest from the single guys I know. And as I get older (I'm only 28 ), but as time passess, the pool of single guys decreases. So I understand. I get on very well with a married guy at work and he was flirting with me alot, so I just try and ignore him. Not easy, because he sits about 100 yards away from me. But he's been very busy lately, so hasn't had much time to talk to me. I'm sure that the feeling is mutual, but I can't say anything about how I feel. I respect that he is married. I have never found anyone that I wanted to commit myself to and he has, so I think that the fact that he found her is quite a precious thing that I don't want to ruin. Although, I have heard her talking on the phone and I hate the sound of her voice. Really hate it! But that is just jealousy.

Normally I would be quite content on my own, but I feel this warmth coming from someone that I can't touch and it is frustrating and I have had to go on anti-depressants just to deal with it. They're not really working. I feel like crying most of the time.

But back to the original question. Do my friends help? Sometimes, but no one ever seems to try and pair me up with someone I actually fancy. Over the past six months my friend and sister have been trying to get me together with this guy I know, he's a bit aspie-ish. We are too similar though, he drives me mad. We are both quite logical in our outlook and neither of us is very warm toward the other. He is happy on his own and he doesn't want someone. Compared to the lovely warm guy I can't have at work, this chap isn't what I want. I feel like a panda in captivity and they're trying to mate me with the only other available panda in the zoo. I think he maybe feels the same way.

However, I actually have a crush on this other guy and no one has made any attempt to help me with that. I am friends with his best friend's wife and all she said was to see how it goes and look for any signals to see if he likes me back. I can't read signals. I don't know whether he likes me back. All I want is to see more of him. I would like if someone would maybe organise a meal or just going round to a friends house and we could meet up and talk. I don't do dating. I can't ask him out, it scares me too much. Too much pressure. But if we could meet up in a group that wouldn't be so bad. My sister knows I like him, but she isn't helping me either. So I have concluded that he doesn't like me.



DavidM
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15 Feb 2010, 10:03 am

Involuntary chastity is the price you pay for not being social!

I am seriously considering castration because all my balls do is fill me up with testosterone and frustration that can never find an outlet for satisfaction.
8O



musicboxforever
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15 Feb 2010, 11:41 am

DavidM wrote:
Involuntary chastity is the price you pay for not being social!

I am seriously considering castration because all my balls do is fill me up with testosterone and frustration that can never find an outlet for satisfaction.
8O


I don't know if this would help, but I stumbled accross the Love Shy and incel forums. I didn't really feel like I fitted in on either. Love shy is just for guys really. I was told that I couldn't be love shy because I'm a girl. Oh well.



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15 Feb 2010, 12:16 pm

They used to get on me a lot more about it than they do now - before they'd ride me about the fact that I was getting older and simply off doing my own thing (or so it seemed), now at least it seems like they have their own hands full enough with their own struggles to know exactly where I was coming from. We also have enough friends who are long term singles, both male and female, and they're far from being geeks or unattractive, really looking at it they're just them - they have their own identities, their own needs, and it seems like they're in the same position that I am; if they can't find something that fits they still have too much going for themselves to just jump on anything, and if nothing comes along to their liking so be it.


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