Love is highly over rated

Post Reply New Topic

Either the relationship will end in breaking up and both people involved will end up depressed and feeling horrible, or the relationship will keep going for years and years, by which time the feeling has worn off anyway, and you and your partner will start arguing about things and, depending on the people involved, struggle to live with each other and stay together, even though they already have kids to look after.

So, isn't it sort of crap really? What's the point of entering a relationship, it'll go badly no matter what happens.

you could also love each-other until death. and if you break up you feel depressed because it used to be more fun. so its better to have lost and loved than to never have loved at all. besides by you logic its better not to get out of bed in the morning because you'l end up in bed again at the end of the day. and why would one eat if you know your going to end up hungry anyway.

I hate that saying. No it isn't. I'd rather spend my whole life lonely than have my heart broken.

Getting out of bed in the morning don't make you depressed, whereas the end of a relationship of love does. They are not comparable.

I used to feel the same way, that you do, now. It will pass.

I suppose it's a little like going on a bender, you know you're gonna feel like crap afterward but you still do it because the initial effect outweighs the eventual drawbacks. I for one one would rather pluck out my eyes than not feel that beautiful, warm, wonderful "loved" feeling ever again. (Note: I do not endorse the misuse of alcohol )

Some people can make monogamous relationships work, but considering that you can get all the benefits of a relationship through friends at a fraction of the cost you would be a fool not to do it.

I hope it is, that way I won't be disappointed for missing it.

I disagree!

Heart break hurts, but I think It's worth it.

Asp-z, the two 'paths' you lay out in your OP are not the only ones. A relationship will go, sometimes well, sometimes less well. Sometimes they crash, and then you get out and thumb a ride somewhere else.

Love isn't overrated.

Finding true love makes all the heart break worth it.

I have liked a lot of men in my life. I've only ever loved one deeply, and it stays to the point if stuff happens where you can't continue being in a relationship, you still love that person deeply and want them in your life... well that's how it is for me.

I wouldn't complain if i'd never loved at all though, I'm fine by myself.

I used to think the same. But been there, done that and the heartbreak fades. We only get one shot at life and being in a healthy relationship is the best antidepressant in the world (in my opinion) so if I end up heartbroken again, I'll never regret the year or so (or however long it lasts) that I have truly been happy and felt loved and loved someone else. I would hate it to end, but if it did, I would go through it again as many times as it takes till death.

There's another saying you may hate too; 'the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown'. Heartbreak's horrible, but it's not as soul destroying as you might think beforehand, unless you let it consume you. And even then, you get bored eventually and find something else to think about..

Life is pain; anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

One can choose to wallow in it, or to seek the moments of beauty that life has to offer as well. Can relationships go bad? Yes. Are they worth the risk? To me, yes - I can't make that decision for you. But that is a personal choice, and encouraging others to give up because you don't see value in taking that chance isn't something I can condone because doing so hurts opportunities that others have to find a different experience than what you have. A broken heart is painful; it is also your greatest teacher.


M.

You have misunderstood something. Being alive will go badly, no matter what happens. Just try to enjoy the ride, or something.

After my last love, and even after all the tears that followed its demise, I still find those memories less bitter than sweet. I think that's how I know I was really in love.

I have found the pleasure well worth the pain. Life is about both.

My wife works for a lawyer who takes on mostly family and bankruptcy cases, so she's seen LTRs (long-term relationships) that have ended badly. She told me about one that made it maybe 2 months before they filed for divorce. So much for those solemn marriage vows...

Here's the thing about "the feeling." Love has nothing to do with the initial heat and fireworks at the beginning of relationship. That passes very quickly.

I think of love perhaps a little differently than most people, and my wife shares this idea with me. Love is something that all people share amongst themselves in one form or another. I'm mean sure, there's a lot of hatred, too, but I think love is probably more universally shared than hateful feelings. At the most basic level, we love our friends. There's just something about the bond between friends that seems to transcend time, and that applies whether the friend is a same-sex friend or an opposite-sex friend.

Because those kinds of bonds are not so easily broken, the relationship is much more functional for a longer period of time. When I was active in my college fraternity, we used to say "Bro's before ho's," and I'm sure you've heard that expression before.

In an intimate, romantic relationship, the bond is no different. The difference is the expectation. If you expect so much more than friendship in a long-term relationship, you're not going to get very far. Dating and "bagging" THE ONE is all about the hunt and chase. It's exciting. But it's also stressful. Being comfortable in a LTR and "losing the feeling" is less about "falling out of love" and more about not having to deal with the stress of attracting a mate. That was never something I was very good at. If something happened to the relationship I'm in now, I'd more likely just sell all my possessions and enter a monastery. I'm not that old, but that's just something I don't need in my life anymore.

For a LTR to really work, I think you need to be friends FIRST. My wife and I grew up without any siblings, so it's not unusual for us to see each other and talk to each other (and even fight with each other!! !) like we're brother and sister. We even have the same blood type (no kidding). That alone has contributed to our relationship being as positive as it is.

LTRs are a lot of work, too. It's not something you can just allow yourself to become comfortable with and always expect to work just on its own. My relationship with my wife seems to run like clockwork most of the time because of all the habits and routines we've established over the years. That kind of thing becomes more important when kids enter the picture. We get up every day, change diapers, and rush the kids off to daycare. One of us picks them up at the end of the day, have a meal together, maybe watch a movie, and then it's bedtime. I have weird hours, so I may not even see my family until as late as 6 or 7 in the evening. I may not see them at all until the next day if I have a band rehearsal, and throughout most of the year I also have to play piano for church choir practice and am lucky if I get to see my kids for three hours on those days. To remind ourselves that we are a family, not just 4 people that just happen to live in the same house, we have Tuesday Night, which is Mariachi night at the local Mexican place. So Mariachi Tuesday. Back when we could afford it, we used to go to movies on the weekends, but every now and then when we need to go out of town we'll go for overnight visits with the grandparents or visit friends out-of-town. It's rare these days, but sometimes we'll even get a babysitter just so my wife and I can remember what it was like being "just us."

So no, I don't think love is overrated at all. I just think most of us are too lazy or "too secure" in LTRs to really appreciate the kind of effort to make them work. If the love wasn't there, none of the stuff I mentioned would even be worth it. But then again, love isn't worth it if you aren't willing to work to maintain it.

+1 internets for you.