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alexptrans
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20 Jun 2010, 5:31 am

I have another question about eye contact: I'm a guy, and looking other guys in the eyes is extremely uncomfortable for me. It feels too intimate, to the point of being disgusting, and very often even intimidating. It's fine when I sit on the bus and my knee is touching the guy who sits next to me, but no eye contact. I hate it! However, eye contact with girls is much more comfortable for me - not that it's fun, but at least it's tolerable or neutral. So I was wondering if that's common with aspies, or is that just the way it is with most people.



Ferdinand
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20 Jun 2010, 5:47 am

Eyes are a weird part of the body. I prefer to pretend people don't have them, or I get sick.


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20 Jun 2010, 6:12 am

I'm female and I find males much easier to make eye contact with (well easier then with females) but I think thats because I have brothers and I'm really close to one of them so there just not as fretting as girls who are a bit frightening.



clovismackintosh
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20 Jun 2010, 6:22 am

I struggle to make eye contact with anyone. I agree that it's is easier to make eye contact with the opposite sex (i.e. women). But I generally find it quite difficult. As I am short sighted I can take my glasses of that way I am not seeing anything and can pretend to make 'proper' eye contact.

The only person I can look at directly in the eye is my girlfriend - I don't even make eye contact with my parents - I don't think I ever have.


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MotownDangerPants
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20 Jun 2010, 6:55 am

I go through phases. For the past year aye contact has been awful for me. i just really hate it. No difference between men and women. It's easier if it's just me and one other person alone in a room, it's harder in public, probably because I'm just nervous in public anyway.

I've trained myself to do it in the past, just by practicing on strangers and people I didn't care about so it seemed more natural when I had ti make eye contact with friends and family. IDK. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it isn't.



superboyian
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20 Jun 2010, 7:03 am

I used to find that pretty difficult, the only difficult and most uncomfortable part of eye contact is looking at someone close up.....

Yet, I feel most comfortable when its my girlfriend. :heart: :heart: :heart:


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CockneyRebel
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20 Jun 2010, 7:15 am

I have a very hard time, with eye-contact. I'm either looking out the corners of my eyes, or looking down or in another direction.


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Julian94
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20 Jun 2010, 7:20 am

I'm fine with eyecontact, I might even be staring them down.


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Linear2
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20 Jun 2010, 9:52 am

i feel like people are inspecting me, so i look away hoping that they'll look away too.



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20 Jun 2010, 11:49 am

I have a hard time making eye contact with everyone except family and small children. With my family, I sometimes make it less just because I forget and I know they won't read my character wrong because of it. But I do feel that men seem to demand it less in conversation than women, usually. I glance at people eyes at intervals, but when I'm talking I often look at other things. Guys I'm talking to will sometimes start imitating this pattern. Women on the other hand seem to place more value on eye contact as part of the interaction.



katzefrau
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20 Jun 2010, 12:39 pm

i can make eye contact briefly, but sustaining it after a first "greeting" or in conversation is difficult for several reasons.

distraction:
can't remember what i'm talking about
trouble understand what other person is saying (so i look at their mouths)
can't decide which eye to look in, or looking at eye color

but also:
feels startling and over-intimate (and here's where i get what you're saying)

even when i see other people making eye contact with each other while talking, i assume there is some kind of sexual energy being exchanged and it makes me very uncomfortable.


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alexptrans
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20 Jun 2010, 12:59 pm

katzefrau wrote:
i can make eye contact briefly, but sustaining it after a first "greeting" or in conversation is difficult for several reasons.

distraction:
can't remember what i'm talking about
trouble understand what other person is saying (so i look at their mouths)
can't decide which eye to look in, or looking at eye color

but also:
feels startling and over-intimate (and here's where i get what you're saying)

even when i see other people making eye contact with each other while talking, i assume there is some kind of sexual energy being exchanged and it makes me very uncomfortable.


I totally get it. Do you also find it easier to make eye contact with members of the opposite sex, though?



katzefrau
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20 Jun 2010, 3:03 pm

alexptrans wrote:
Do you also find it easier to make eye contact with members of the opposite sex, though?


not easier exactly but less confusing in that if i get a "startled" feeling i could attribute it to some kind of attraction, but really that's all the more reason to avoid it. i don't know if that makes sense.

i either get nothing out of it (just visual: eyeball) or i get a mild fight-or-flight reflex which i have the tendency to read into (inaccurately, more than likely). i might perceive it in a way as a sexual challenge. i wouldn't say it's ever easy, or informative. in an effort to accommodate other people, i do actually try, but find myself looking at parts of their face or just settling on their mouths almost immediately.

the last guy i dated was a possible aspie, and we rarely looked at each other at all, let alone made eye contact. he asked me a few times what my eye color was (when i was sitting right next to him). i did look him square in the eyes for a good ten seconds or so one of the first times we went out - i was trying to figure out whether it was ok to kiss him.. it gave me no clues either way but was comfortable in that context. (?)


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Amajanshi
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20 Jun 2010, 3:40 pm

I find eye contact with pretty much everyone uncomfortable, even with my parents. I noticed that my issues with eye contact disappear when I'm drunk however...



katzefrau
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20 Jun 2010, 4:15 pm

Amajanshi wrote:
I noticed that my issues with eye contact disappear when I'm drunk however...


I'll admit to being drunk in the above anecdote ..


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dyingofpoetry
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20 Jun 2010, 4:28 pm

katzefrau wrote:
Amajanshi wrote:
I noticed that my issues with eye contact disappear when I'm drunk however...


I'll admit to being drunk in the above anecdote ..


Same here. When I'm sober, I can maintain eye contact, but I can't think; my mind is completely gone. I can only do one or the other. I can either think about what I'm saying to you or look you in the eye. I prefer not looking.


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