Is it rude to ask someone if they have a diagnosis?

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If you're at a social gathering for aspies?

Is that information that is private and should just "come up" on its own, with time and trust?

Or, is it OK to ask since it's a space specifically designated for aspies/autistics?

I would like to know purely out of curiosity.

I don't think it's rude.

You are asking a forum Aspies, who by definition have trouble discerning rude from not rude, about a room full of Aspies, none of whom, again by definition, can easily discern rude from not rude, whether a question about Aspies is rude.

What a delicious little slice of irony.

I'm honestly not sure if it is rude or not, but if I was at an Aspie gathering I would not be offended by the question.

If you're at a social gathering for aspies, and at least in my own opinion, there really should be no need to know ... and to ask actually could just lead to someone feeling some kind of exclusion or isolation.


In my own opinion, anyone's personal information should only even be mentioned voluntarily and when the individual believes there is good reason or need to do so.


Hoping not to sound scolding here: I find it best to deal with that kind of social uncertainty internally.

LOL!! !!

The reason that I ask is because one of the first people that I met there asked me if I had AS or was a parent and told me that she had AS and was diagnosed late in life. Her friend said he didn't know. Another man said he was an advocate and that he was diagnosed 8 years ago. So, I thought it was an appropriate question.

I asked another guy and he got a look on his face... it was an obvious look of discomfort so I said, "oh, is that OK to ask people?"
And he said, "Well, it might bring back bad memories from the past."

I had never considered that so I didn't ask anyone else. I wanted to get more opinions about it here--his might be a rare opinion.

Aspies can still decide what is rude and what isn't because everyone has their own views on what is rude and what isn't.

I think it's rude to ask people if they have autism or other mental conditions but I think in a support group it's different because everyone there has something so you are trying to see who has what. So if you go to a autism support group and it's mixed with NTs and aspies and other related conditions, it won't be rude to ask what they have. You are just trying to see who is what and define them and it be obvious that is what you are trying to do.

But I don't think it's rude to ask someone if they have a diagnoses when they say they have AS.

Well, I'm really the wrong person to say what is or is not rude...

So all I can really tell you is what my own reaction would be. If I attended such an event, I'd find the question reasonable. If for some reason, I was really unwilling to answer, I'd just say so.

(If you're curious, I am self-diagnosed. But considering that this is the first time a whole range of things across my life finally have begun to make some sense to me, I don't feel I need a "professional" to tell me how my own mind works.)

Excuse me I couldn't help but notice you appear to suffer from irritable bowel syndrome am i correct?

That is funny, isn't it? (No rudeness intended to the OP)

But don't Aspies often decide incorrectly? Especially in new situations?

I have no idea. I think it's rude to walk in someone's home with muddy or wet shoes and not take them off. I also think it's rude to ask people questions but not answer theirs in return. I also think it's rude to ask people questions you are not willing to answer yourself. I also think it's rude to talk about what you only want to talk about but not want to hear what they want to talk about.

I come up with what is rude based on what I don't like what people do to me. I think it's rude to not let someone in your lane when you are driving. I know how annoying that is to get on the freeway and you end up driving on the shoulder because no one would let you into their lane. Same as when you need to switch lanes to turn and no one won't let you in so there you are holding up traffic. But thank goodness we have friendly people here.

Well that's how I do it anyway. I even think it's rude to not clean your home when you know you have someone coming over because I get disgusted when I have to go in a dirty home. It grosses me out.

Of all I said here, I am sure there are people out there who won't think it's rude.

Same here. I don't find it an unreasonable question.

I am also self-diagnosed and feel the same way you do about it.

I've learned to never ask people questions about themselves. That's an easy rule for me to follow and in doing so, I don't step on any emotional landmines.

I think I learned this after asking a physically robust women if she realized drinking so much full sugared soda-pop would give her diabetes. Apparently, she already had it. That was strike two with the HR department at that job.

I had a lady at work ask me if I was on the spectrum...

She had a 6 year old son who was "on the spectrum" as she put it, and that I was just like him.
Which still seems a little strange...made me wonder if I act like a six year old =/ but then she probably just saw the similarities in autistic behavior.

This was before I knew much about the spectrum but I had learned of aspergers and talked to my psych who had agreed I likely had it after going through the DSM.

It didn't offend me that she asked, I just told her I have aspergers because i knew it was part of autism but again didn't know much about it being a spectrum disorder.

Had I not known it would have been the second time for this question to leave me puzzled.
One of my teachers kept hinting to the class that I might be autistic because i was so different from the rest of the class. (Everyone else in that class was very outspoken.)

Also I will add..this is at work, so I am trying to act as neurotypical as possible...

In high school, I didn't have any reason to act any different then I was because I just thought I was strange/off.

Why?

It probably is considered impolite, but I don't see why.