Random tips for Guys and Girls thread in getting a GF/BF

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Talk to people, see what they're about, and see if you're about them.

Personally: make me cookies.

I don't know about any of this. You be a nice guy because that what they say they want, but they still ultimately reject you for not being bold enough. I try to find balance, but some comes along and moves the fulcrum.

Do this, don't do that . . . what really works. Don't obsess, but really is being in love other than a requited obsession (ok, there are a lot of definitions of love . . . this is just a very sarcastic one). And just because we do nice things does not make us lap dogs.

Balance, balance, balance.

And what about chivalry? Are we not allowed to be chivalrous anymore? Maybe chivalry is dead because it was slew by the dame?

I'm trying to figure it all out for myself. I've taken a lot of advice over the years with little success. Now I'm trying to be a little more discriminant about what I heed and what is just pure crap.

And women: if a guy comes on too strong, don't immediately label him a creep (and please, please stop overusing the word "creep"). Let him know honestly that it's too much. Then, let him back off bit and see if he does. If he does, think about giving him another chance. He's already proven that he can understand you.

Also, society over-relies on first impressions. I'm not saying stop making them. Just try to understand why someone may not make a good first impression and evaluate the entire person on that.

I could rant on and on . . .

Some things that can make you creepy:
1. Poor eye contact
2. Unchanging facial expression
3. Continuous grinning
4. Extreme quietness
5. Speaking too loudly, especially if also in a monotonous voice
6. Visible absence of social life (i.e., being lap dog to a specific person)
7. Being significantly older than the type of people you pursue

Wear clean pants. I don't follow my advice, I just give it.

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I disagree. I think that what they are effectively saying is "we have needs that could not be met by you". That isn't the same thing as "not good enough". If a woman needs an intense social life with lots of crowded group activities and you are a homebody, then it simply means that you couldn't give her the social whirlwind that she needs, not that being a homebody is inherently bad. If a company needs somebody who can travel very far very frequently and that would be unbearable to you, then it simply means they need to hire somebody who thrives on travel, not that it is inherently bad to be a homebody.


It is impossible to be all things to all people (and all jobs). Every person and every job has needs that must be met and it's not a value judgement to acknowledge that a person can't fit the needs of whichever person or job they have their eye on. I get the feeling you think you are pre-screening women and jobs by only wooing/applying for those that you are sure have needs you can meet. Then, when you get rejected, you assume that you are "not good enough" because they rejected you even though you could meet their needs (you wouldn;'t even try if you thought you couldn't).

Here's where I think you are going wrong; you are making a faulty assumption that you have accurately assessed their needs and determined that what you offer is compatible with what they need. You (maybe, just guessing) only woo introverted homebody women. You only apply for jobs that match- on paper- your exact educational and personality qualifications. So if you get rejected, it must be that whatever you are offering is an inferior grade of what they need, rather than something entirely different from what they need. But NO! You have no idea what they actually need so you are making at best an educated guess that what you offer matches it. Being rejected doesn't mean you are not good enough. It means that what you offer is different from what they need. Different doesn't mean worse. But it does mean incompatible.

The bolded ones are all aspie traits. Number 6 could be one as well the absence of a social life doesn't necessarily involve being someone's lap dog.

1, 3, and 5 are all traits of mine. I also have a terrible way of looking at people and not quite managing to say anything to them.

3 is probably the creepiest. Why do you grin all the time?

Chairman Kaga in Iron Chef does it all the time - maybe just to intimidate the Iron Chef's opponent?

Where I live most people do this all the time. I've always wondered if their teeth dry out or the occasional insect crawls in...

I don't know, but somehow, a group of girls who I judge in speech and debate competitions have come up to me and have confessed to having feelings for me. I'm in college, and most of them are in high school or even middle school, so I have to be up front and obviously let them down, so to say.

Ditto - but I live 400 miles northeast of you. There isn't much difference between an Orange County girl and a San Francisco girl who isn't a hipster.

Be cool and indifferent. Let their mind build you up into something mysterious. Make people want to know something about you. Don't seek to be overly helpful. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Keep a good strong body posture with head up and you usually can get away without making eye contact until they speak directly with you. Look away like you're deep in thought instead of being insecure. Wiggle your fingers or pull at clothes instead of stimming or doing something distracting. Try to make your eyes dance with something behind them. Keep the conversation light and playful, unless it is professional. Don't laugh or smile unless you mean to. Laugh at yourself if you screw up. Nothing is that serious.

Dang it! I thought that girls from Northern California were more level-headed than their SoCal counterparts.

There are two kinds of girls in San Francisco - hipsters and ditzy ones. I love the city, the people not as much for the most part.

The garden variety girl here is a super liberal, Prius driving and Starbucks addicted, Ugg and Juicy Couture(or lululemon if the slu*ty college girl look isn't her thing) clad ditzy girl who lives in the Marina/Cow Hollow, or the super stressed out girl who works in the Financial District. And in the Mission and Noe Valley, the predominant girl is a fixie-riding elitist hipster snob.