To those who are on OKCupid, does this happen often?



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Jono
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20 Jan 2011, 5:47 pm

I've posted this in my other thread, but I notice nobodies replying to it anymore. I've got a question. I've been corresponding with a girl on OKCupid for three weeks now, since new years day. Now as I was writing my last reply to her, I got a message saying she had just logged in. Then I tried sending the message, at which point I got error saying "your message could not be sent because an unknown error occurred". So I copied my message into a text editor so that I could paste it and send it again after checking if I was still logged in. I was but it seemed she had just deleted her profile. Later I found that the version of her profile just before she had deleted it, was still open in the web browser when I had checked it earlier to see when she was last on-line. When I looked at it more closely, I found that she had changed her settings from looking for short-term/long-term dating to just looking for new friends. I don't know when she had changed it because I can't remember when last I looked at that but it did say she was looking for someone to date when I first started chatting to her. It's as though she changed her mind about wanting to date someone and then deleted her profile when she realised I was hoping to meet her with the intent of dating.

Has this happened to anyone else here?



Zur-Darkstar
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20 Jan 2011, 5:55 pm

No, but lots of people join dating sites like that just for online relationships and have no intention of ever meeting in person. Further, it's possible she has gotten involved with someone else from the site she was talking to or someone she met elsewhere.



vileseagulls
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20 Jan 2011, 5:59 pm

She was probably talking to more than one person at the time (most people on those sites do) and one of the relationships got serious. It's very likely nothing to do with you.



Jono
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20 Jan 2011, 6:10 pm

I suppose. It's funny though that from the last message she sent me, just this afternoon, still seemed to indicate she was interested. Even replying that me still living with my parents (because I don't earn enough money yet) was not a turn-off, after I finally told her. Since she seems to of changed her settings, I don't think me mentioning that was the reason she deleted her profile though. With regards to accepting a date from someone else on the site, I tried asking her if she would like meet a couple of weeks ago already but then she said that she wasn't comfortable meeting yet.



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20 Jan 2011, 6:16 pm

I've had at least one woman delete her profile after I sent her a message. And she approached me first!

I think maybe they just think 'I don't actually really want to do this' and panic. Either that or I'm a monster. :lol:

Chalk it up to experience... good luck with the next one.


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Jono
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20 Jan 2011, 6:30 pm

Moog wrote:
I've had at least one woman delete her profile after I sent her a message. And she approached me first!

I think maybe they just think 'I don't actually really want to do this' and panic. Either that or I'm a monster. :lol:

Chalk it up to experience... good luck with the next one.


Well, she did say that she was nervous about meeting new people a couple of weeks ago when I did suggest meeting. To be honest, I was really hopeful about her because we had been contacting each other for three weeks now. I hope there's actually going to be a next one. The number of compatible people in my area appear to be dwindling fast.



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20 Jan 2011, 6:34 pm

Jono wrote:
Moog wrote:
I've had at least one woman delete her profile after I sent her a message. And she approached me first!

I think maybe they just think 'I don't actually really want to do this' and panic. Either that or I'm a monster. :lol:

Chalk it up to experience... good luck with the next one.


Well, she did say that she was nervous about meeting new people a couple of weeks ago when I did suggest meeting. To be honest, I was really hopeful about her because we had been contacting each other for three weeks now. I hope there's actually going to be a next one. The number of compatible people in my area appear to be dwindling fast.


Mm, might have to be patient. I think I've seen everyone from my area, but someone new cropped up just today. It's weird, but whenever you post, I seem to get something on the OKC front... :?:


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Jono
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20 Jan 2011, 6:52 pm

Moog wrote:
Jono wrote:
Moog wrote:
I've had at least one woman delete her profile after I sent her a message. And she approached me first!

I think maybe they just think 'I don't actually really want to do this' and panic. Either that or I'm a monster. :lol:

Chalk it up to experience... good luck with the next one.


Well, she did say that she was nervous about meeting new people a couple of weeks ago when I did suggest meeting. To be honest, I was really hopeful about her because we had been contacting each other for three weeks now. I hope there's actually going to be a next one. The number of compatible people in my area appear to be dwindling fast.


Mm, might have to be patient. I think I've seen everyone from my area, but someone new cropped up just today. It's weird, but whenever you post, I seem to get something on the OKC front... :?:


I hope you're right. Although I'm not sure why something new would happen to you on OKCupid whenever I make a post on it. Maybe I have some "good luck vibes" or something. :wink:



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20 Jan 2011, 8:37 pm

Are you sure she deleted it? I don't really know all the ins and outs of OkCupid myself, but it seems you can block people from seeing your profile. Also you can disable it temporarily, which I did recently when I got a slew of "Hey, just send me some noodz from your cell!! !!" messages from different guys when I posted a journal about why there's not a pic on my profile yet. I had confessed how I'm a tad phobic about cameras (and microphones) , so I'm not the kind of person who has tons of pics of myself lying around, and that was what I got for my troubles. So I disabled my account for a couple of days and then when I reactivated, deleted that journal entry. I'm still pissed about it. I've tried 4 dating sites, never for very long, and at every one I've started getting harassed by lowlifes within a week or so.

So while I have no idea what happened with this woman you were chatting with, you might want to consider that it not uncommon for us women to get just harassed by idiots at these sites. Maybe she was having trouble with someone and felt that was the only way to deal with him. Hell, maybe she has an abusive ex who tracked her down there. You never know.

Either way, don't dwell it. Just move on.

And be glad no one's PMing you for NOODZ!! ! Or, has been my case the past few days, getting PMs from guys who write bizarre profiles and then at the end of them admit none of it was true, so you know absolutely nothing about them other than they're not honest--and they seem to think that's cute or something. Heh. At least my weirdo profile's 100% truthful. It makes me wonder if they think I'm just BSing too, which is also upsetting. I shouldn't dwell on that myself...

Well, sorry about that. Its sucks. But good luck to you anyhow.



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20 Jan 2011, 9:50 pm

All my message filters are in place, but do those filters still apply to winks? I had one guy who didn't pass my filters for normal messages (he was looking for casual sex and he matched below 50%) but he managed to send me a wink instead. Kinda weird how he'd intentionally try to get to me like that when he knew I wouldn't want to get messages from him. He'd see my filters wouldn't he?



Jono
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21 Jan 2011, 3:06 pm

Mercurial wrote:
Are you sure she deleted it? I don't really know all the ins and outs of OkCupid myself, but it seems you can block people from seeing your profile. Also you can disable it temporarily, which I did recently when I got a slew of "Hey, just send me some noodz from your cell!! !!" messages from different guys when I posted a journal about why there's not a pic on my profile yet. I had confessed how I'm a tad phobic about cameras (and microphones) , so I'm not the kind of person who has tons of pics of myself lying around, and that was what I got for my troubles. So I disabled my account for a couple of days and then when I reactivated, deleted that journal entry. I'm still pissed about it. I've tried 4 dating sites, never for very long, and at every one I've started getting harassed by lowlifes within a week or so.

So while I have no idea what happened with this woman you were chatting with, you might want to consider that it not uncommon for us women to get just harassed by idiots at these sites. Maybe she was having trouble with someone and felt that was the only way to deal with him. Hell, maybe she has an abusive ex who tracked her down there. You never know.

Either way, don't dwell it. Just move on.

And be glad no one's PMing you for NOODZ!! ! Or, has been my case the past few days, getting PMs from guys who write bizarre profiles and then at the end of them admit none of it was true, so you know absolutely nothing about them other than they're not honest--and they seem to think that's cute or something. Heh. At least my weirdo profile's 100% truthful. It makes me wonder if they think I'm just BSing too, which is also upsetting. I shouldn't dwell on that myself...

Well, sorry about that. Its sucks. But good luck to you anyhow.


Actually you can't really stop people from viewing your profile but what you can do is the Hidden feature to prevent them from showing up on your visitors list if they do visit your profile. So it's mostly like an ignore feature, although it also hides you from them in the sense that they can no longer search for you in match searches and they also no longer receive updates if you change something in your profile. However, they can still view your profile if they click on a link to it, for example clicking on your profile picture that appears next messages you sent in their inbox.

I suppose she might of disabled her account since I've noticed some profiles like that disappearing like that and then re-appearing some months later, although it wasn't people who I had contacted. I just sent messages to 2 new people now. I'll have to see what will come of it.

If you get harassed by pigs like that, then you should consider either blocking them or flagging them.



Jono
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21 Jan 2011, 3:07 pm

blue_bean wrote:
All my message filters are in place, but do those filters still apply to winks? I had one guy who didn't pass my filters for normal messages (he was looking for casual sex and he matched below 50%) but he managed to send me a wink instead. Kinda weird how he'd intentionally try to get to me like that when he knew I wouldn't want to get messages from him. He'd see my filters wouldn't he?


Reply saying that you're not interested. If he continues to send you messages after that, then block him.



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21 Jan 2011, 3:53 pm

People disappear all the time online, I just assume it just goes with the territory and move on...


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Jono
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21 Jan 2011, 5:24 pm

Grisha wrote:
People disappear all the time online, I just assume it just goes with the territory and move on...


I'll try and move on. I hope I get replies back from the 2 new people I just sent messages to earlier.



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21 Jan 2011, 9:46 pm

Jono wrote:
Grisha wrote:
People disappear all the time online, I just assume it just goes with the territory and move on...


I'll try and move on. I hope I get replies back from the 2 new people I just sent messages to earlier.


Good luck Jono! Keep us posted!



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