Thinking more and more about blowing my head off with a gun.



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johnnydangerous
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 5:52 am

I cant take it. Noone relates at all. I dont want to die but living like this is torture. It is almost 6 am and I am exhausted, yet I cant sleep. So stressed about life, about everything. Im a handsome guy who gets approached by women, but when they see how i act they run. I dont even know whats wrong with me. I like myself, people compliment my looks all the time, yet I cant find a partner to complete my life. Not even a sniff, cant even get a date.

Its so strange to me. I wanna just end my life because I dont get it, I dont understand you f8Cking people and Im sick of all of you. So called aspies included. Lots of you are NT sympathizers. "Oh dont knock the poor NTs" I come here so I can find people who relate to what I have to deal with then I read sh*t like that. I cant even find relief on a GODAMM asperger forum.

I swear to God I wanna blow my brains out, jump in fornt of a car or off a building. Closer each day to doing it. Worried bout my family but Im starting to care less and less about anything. Sleeping is down to 3-4 hoursa night, big bags under my eyes. NOBODY GIVES A F*CK. Youd think theys ask me to hang out, out of godamm sympathy. But most people are scumbags who just dont giv a f*k.

I am sick of life, people betraying me LIARS DECEIVERS I hate all humans. I DONT BELONG ON THIS FUKIN PLANET.

I just wanted to say that, not that it even MATTERS ON FUKIN BIT because NOTHING will come out of this godamm post, except people bitching about me and probably calling me more names trying to hurt me even more.

I HATE LIFE. I wish I had a gun right now to end it. I need to FIND THE COURAGE to end my life. I need a way OUT of this. LIES LIES LIES people telling me to "hang on" or "you wont be lonely forever" Im in my id fukin 30s now when amI gonna find someone, when Im 60 fukin years old???

f*k THIS f*k THIS f*k THIS I want to die and I want to die NOW. So long.



ShadesOfMe
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 5:55 am

I give a f**k. lets talk. It's no sense in posting a goodbye if you feel we won't care it wouldn't be worth it. so deep down, you must feel that even strangers on an aspie forum have to care about you. and I do. I don't want you to end it. Please reconsider.



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Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:00 am

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. why would people on here want to hurt you?



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Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:10 am

ShadesOfMe wrote:
I'm sorry you're so unhappy. why would people on here want to hurt you?


he is being a bit delusional because of "percieved insults". IE: Just simply disagreeing and proving his points wrong = insult. Take a look at this thread of his and you will know what I mean.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt149809.html


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Technikilor
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:12 am

It's not impossible to be happy, you just have the wrong attitude and outlook towards life. There's a lot of negativity here and that's understandable, but it will get you nowhere. I've said it before and I'll say it again: seeing a psychologist or researching self-help therapies will save your life. You'd be surprised at how much it actually works.



ShadesOfMe
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:16 am

Technikilor wrote:
It's not impossible to be happy, you just have the wrong attitude and outlook towards life. There's a lot of negativity here and that's understandable, but it will get you nowhere. I've said it before and I'll say it again: seeing a psychologist or researching self-help therapies will save your life. You'd be surprised at how much it actually works.
I agree. finding something to help you is better than the last resort.



Technikilor
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:26 am

OP, do you realise how terrifying it will be to kill yourself, and how painful it will be to pull the trigger?

Yes, that's fighting anxiety with anxiety, but it works in this case because it's for a good cause. Once you're able to see how completely miserable and pointless suicide is, you might be compelled to not do it.



Last edited by Technikilor on Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

ShadesOfMe
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:29 am

Painful isn't the way to go. and I don't just mean the physical act, I mean how you are feeling. I am saddened by this. :(



sunshower
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:06 am

I care too. For every action there is a matching reaction. Perhaps you have been mistreated in the past, and this causes you to react angrily and lash out at people, thus causing them to get angry and lash back at you in response, perpetuating an ongoing cycle of hurt and anger. Things don't need to be this way. People aren't inherently bad or cruel, just as you yourself are not inherently bad or cruel. I would recommend seeking therapy to try and resolve problems and reshape/sharpen your approach to people and to life in general, and I think things could change for the better for you.

I empathize that it is hard being AS, I am sure you have suffered much over a long period of time, and it is admirable that you have kept trying with women in spite of failure. You seem to have strength of conviction and determination as part of your character, which I think when directed in positive ways could do a world of good for you.


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genedig65
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:45 am

You must take a look at your life and find one good thing about you or your situation. Once you've found it, LIVE for it. I've fought depression and loneliness all my life. There were some days I felt like you, but you must understand that it isn't always like this. For 45 years , I've had mostly tolerable days, some really bad, some really good. When a good time came, it really felt satisfying. It's the thought of future good days that keeps me driven. Live for the good times.



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Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:35 am

Hurt and anger topic

I just checked his profile, and JohnnyD has not posted since yesterday. I read his thread about anger toward NTs. There is severe frustration here, and he is so young. :(

Sometimes someone in the 30s age range becomes very panicky about where life is going. I have been there. The good news is that getting over this hump will make it easier when you are older, JohnnyD.


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Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:53 am

johnnydangerous wrote:
Lots of you are NT sympathizers.


This US versus THEM attitude probably plays a very significant role in why nobody wants to socialize with you. You talk about NTs as though they are Nazis and wonder why they won't play with you..



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Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:19 am

edited out



Last edited by MXH on Tue Jan 25, 2011 1:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

simon_says
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 12:03 pm

I have agreed with many of your views in the past and maybe a few still today, though I probably wouldnt say it to anyone. But I will say this, there have been times in my life where I have been happy despite my earlier belief that it was impossible. One advantage of being at the end of your rope is that you can get a new rope. You tend to develop a "so what" attitude that can allow you to engage in new experiences. Many of which you will enjoy, though you may not see it right now.

As for women, I know exactly what you mean. I have lost many opportunities due to my AS nature but over time I developed the skills to take advantage of opportunities. It didnt come quickly. In my own case I used my special interest in travel. While travelling, people are more open and easily accessible. I would just move from group to group (esp those with attractive women), honing my skills, running my aspie games until they began to sense my difference. At which point I'd simply move to another group. Unlike everyday life, there was an endless supply of easily accessible companions ready to interact with me in an open way. I did this often enough that I learned a lot about people, particularly women.

Often on these boards we don't know how far someone is along the spectrum and how much difficulty they have actually had in comparison to ourselves. But trust me, I was very bad with women. That changed. Now I am just modestly bad with women. Well, my short game is decent, but my relationship skills are still wonky. But that's light years ahead of where I was.

These skills are learnable. You just need to get yourself into position to learn them in an environment that works for you. Leverage your special interest.



evil_eyes
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Tue Jan 25, 2011 1:36 pm

For what it's worth, I'm with you--I won't judge your views and I don't presume to understand your pain, but I'm with you because I know rage and how it consumes everything else, how no matter what decency and kindness I am shown, I am still f****d up over issues in the past that warp my view of the world, color everything I do, say and think.

Perhaps you are of a like mind, perhaps not; even if the latter is true, just know that there is someone out there who will respect your choices but still hope for the best.



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