I failed all my classes. HELP!



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tcl1019
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03 Jun 2011, 5:23 pm

I just got my grades for this semester, and I failed every single one of them. I go to a private liberal arts college in the midwest, and classes are always said to be really difficult, but I know that if I would have just tried harder and did the work, this would not have happened. I guess I chose the social life and making/having friends over doing work. Is this a symptom of aspergers? Or am I just extremely lazy? I knew what needed to be done, but all together it seemed like a huge mound of work, so the easiest thing to do was avoid it.

I don't know what to do/how to tell my parents....advice/help please??



Mindslave
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03 Jun 2011, 5:36 pm

Well, in case you didn't know, you don't have to tell them anything legally, and the school can't send them anything without your permission. Of course, that's just legality. It's also legal for your parents to demand your grades or kick you out.



nolilacrima
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03 Jun 2011, 5:49 pm

First off, I just wanna say don't blame this on your Asperger's. The first step is just admitting you've messed up. I failed my second year at medical school, i left EVERYTHING til the last minute because I was so busy trying to fit in. Yes, it makes it harder for you, but the fact is it's still up to you to to the work. Asperger's is no excuse for that.

You have to just man up and face it. It's gonna be hard, I can't lie to you, but the only way out is to face what's happened. We all have to fail at some point, but you can at least use it as a life lesson and learn and move on from it.

First you need to sort everything out with your college, find out what will happen next, what your options are. People fail all the time, there are procedures for this, people to talk to. I know it will make you feel like an idiot going and talking to staff about it, lord know's I've been there, but they've seen it all before. The smart move is to start acting NOW. Nothing can get better by just ignoring it, and in the long run it will do more damage.

Telling your parents is a difficult thing, but ultimately you can't hide it from them, especially if they are funding your education! (Obviously I'm assuming this, as most people have some support from their parents, hehe). I didn't tell my parents how much I was struggling til I had already failed, and I regret it. There's no shame in admitting something is tough. Your parents might get mad, and that's just life.

You need to sit down and write out a long list of what went wrong and how you got to this point. Be HONEST with yourself. You have to show anyone the list, but until you identify what lead you to this point, you can't hope to start fixing it. Then you need to decide whether you can change those things, so you don't make those mistakes again. If you honestly don't think you can change, then it might be time to throw in the towel and walk away from higher education. It isn't the be all and end all, there's life outside academia! If you do think you can change those things, start thinking about how. Whether it be having a timetable, limiting the number of nights you can go out, or restricting the number of extracurricular activities you can do, or going to the library more. I found this hard myself, and a very sobering experience. I almost had panic attacks everytime I looked over a huge list of all my failings at first, but it enabled me to start to CHANGE. Once I had acceptedwith what had happened, and how I could move on from it, I didn't find it so soul destroying to tell my parents. I don't know your parents so I can't tell you how they will react. Personally my Mum took it very bad, went mental, said I didn't try hard enough and I was a failure. But I had my list to prove me otherwise, to calm me and let me know realistically that wasn't true. I had totally screwed up, but I could fix it, I could do better. On the other hand, my Dad was supportive, he said if I wanted to go back and do it again I could, but he'd rather I walked away from it. But equally he pointed out every step of the way how I was failing and how I wouldn't change. And it gave me the determination to start to do things differently.

This is nothing to do with your asperger's, NT's face this all the time. It might be harder for you because of it, but it's a normal thing to go through. I don't really know what else to say, but I'm in your exact situation so feel free to ask me anything.



Sweetleaf
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03 Jun 2011, 7:57 pm

tcl1019 wrote:
I just got my grades for this semester, and I failed every single one of them. I go to a private liberal arts college in the midwest, and classes are always said to be really difficult, but I know that if I would have just tried harder and did the work, this would not have happened. I guess I chose the social life and making/having friends over doing work. Is this a symptom of aspergers? Or am I just extremely lazy? I knew what needed to be done, but all together it seemed like a huge mound of work, so the easiest thing to do was avoid it.

I don't know what to do/how to tell my parents....advice/help please??


I did the exact same thing almost....I started out in one college and passed all my classes but had a non-existant social life outside of the internet. So I spent most of my free time drinking cheap vodka to get away from the feelings of isolation and I also ended up dating this guy and it turned out he only wanted me for sex and other things I can only mention in the adult forum. Then I transferred to another college and did ok the first couple weeks and actually had a boyfriend during this time that actually liked having me around but he gave into some crazy ex and pretty much ditched me. Also one of my teachers was a jerk to me. So yeah after he left and I got fed up with how boring the classes where and the one professers attitude towards me..... so I stopped going to class(while still living on campus they where slow on telling me I had to leave) and started doing a lot of various drugs, like most of the time was spent tripping, high, stoned or drunk and then things got really dramatic when this chick tried to screw me over so I left......I went out and spent some time with my alcoholic family in minnesota and drank a lot. Then I came back home and am now enrolled in community college and I have already managed to get on acedemic probation because I dropped a class. hopefully this semester goes better because if I drop or fail anything I get my financial aid revoked in which case I have no idea what I'll do.



Lene
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04 Jun 2011, 2:29 am

Quote:
I guess I chose the social life and making/having friends over doing work. Is this a symptom of aspergers? Or am I just extremely lazy?


Neither, just human. But unfortunately, the college won't exempt you for being one.

Quote:
I knew what needed to be done, but all together it seemed like a huge mound of work, so the easiest thing to do was avoid it.


Again, a very human reaction but one you're going to need to work at to overcome. I know the feeling, I really do, but the only way to get around it is to start at the top and tackle the work. If you have to repeat the year, try working on each piece of work as you get it so that they don't get a chance to build up again.

As for telling your parents, just tell them you messed up your study and failed the course (I wouldn't mention choosing the social life.. they'll probably guess) and see where it goes from there..



Sweetleaf
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04 Jun 2011, 4:16 pm

Is there any chance you could go to a community college for a couple semesters and then transfer to a 4 year college. And do you get financial aid or how is it being paid for? I mean sure you should get your work done obviously, but you don't want to be totally isolated or overwhelmed either.....so maybe that college was pushing you to hard.



FearOfMusic
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04 Jun 2011, 11:53 pm

nolilacrima wrote:
You need to sit down and write out a long list of what went wrong and how you got to this point. Be HONEST with yourself. You have to show anyone the list, but until you identify what lead you to this point, you can't hope to start fixing it. Then you need to decide whether you can change those things, so you don't make those mistakes again. If you honestly don't think you can change, then it might be time to throw in the towel and walk away from higher education. It isn't the be all and end all, there's life outside academia!


Good advice. This is something I have been trying to do recently. I think regardless of what decisions you make about school you should take noliacrima's advice. To be honest, I've failed out 3 times now at 2 different colleges. :? I really wish I had taken the time after the first (or even second) time to really figure out why things went wrong. Try looking at it as a learning experience, maybe there is something to be gained?



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