My family doesn't respect me



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Do you feel accepted and respected by your immediate family?
Yes 28%  28%  [ 11 ]
No 72%  72%  [ 28 ]
Total votes : 39

Steffy
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Tue Jul 05, 2011 8:24 pm

I have never been respected by my family. Their love is mostly, if not completely, conditional. I am not a bad person. I don't do drugs, im not slu*ty, i don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't gamble, i don't do a lot of bad things. and yet i am not respected. so what that i took a while to figure out what i wanted to do with my life? they see my awkwardness and love for the internet as terrible things that should be shunned. i don't know what to do.


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SammichEater
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Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:20 pm

Where's the option for sometimes? I'm usually respected (at least it seems like it), but occasionally it's obvious that it is in fact conditional.


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EGGREGUYOUS
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:50 am

My family expects too much of me, all the time! It's overwhelming. They never take my advice, in fact they ignore me. Anything I say is wrong to them, they are extremely ignorant. I haven't ever complained to them, all my responsibilities or that I'm AS and how hard it is, I tried it recently and they just turned it around, twisted my words against me. They always soundboard me about THEIR day, THEIR responsibilities, THEIR EVERYTHING, I think I would know then if I had it rough. The more I think about it, the more I want to throw up on all of them and go "f**k you! Suns uh b*****s!"


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AceOfSpades
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:31 pm

Your self worth should not depend on others because then you have to lean on other people rather than stand on your own two feet. You give up your autonomy for some false sense of security. I grew up being abused physically and emotionally and I eventually came to the point where I said f**k the world and became more reliant on myself. A false sense of security might give you comfort and a sense of certainty, but you are much better off accepting that the world is full of uncertainties and moving towards self-actualization. Looking for the approval of others enslaves you.



Lene
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:15 pm

Yeah, they're pretty great. They respect me as a family member, but they don't necessarily respect everything I do or say. We're kind of a gossipy lot but even if we think one of us has gone temporarily bonkers, we still love them.



Graelwyn
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:14 pm

No, my parents do not respect me at all, nor have they ever accepted me as I am.
I was too 'difficult' or to my father, too 'weird'.
Sadly, it affects me badly that they are this way inclined, but in the end, I seek understanding and solace elsewhere from people willing to listen and allow me to be myself without rejection.
They do not respect me because they do not, either of them, listen to me without criticising me or telling me to be quiet, or that they don't want to hear it, blah blah blah.
I have a "normal" brother though, and he seems to be perfectly respected and accepted.
The way I feel these days, my parents do not give a crap about me anymore. Only about whether I fit into their idea of how a person should be, or whether I talk about the things they want to talk about or live the same lifestyle they do. I feel sorry for them really, that their minds are so closed and they do not know me at all anymore.


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EGGREGUYOUS
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:17 pm

Graelwyn wrote:
The way I feel these days, my parents do not give a crap about me anymore. Only about whether I fit into their idea of how a person should be, or whether I talk about the things they want to talk about or live the same lifestyle they do. I feel sorry for them really, that their minds are so closed and they do not know me at all anymore.


I'm with you on that.


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raisedbyignorance
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:33 pm

My family has never ever ever ever taken me seriously. Whenever I have anxiety issues or I cry about something that is seriously upsetting to me they laugh at me and make jokes about it later...

...but then my friends do that too.



Greatsharkbite
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:18 pm

Steffy wrote:
I have never been respected by my family. Their love is mostly, if not completely, conditional. I am not a bad person. I don't do drugs, im not slu*ty, i don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't gamble, i don't do a lot of bad things. and yet i am not respected. so what that i took a while to figure out what i wanted to do with my life? they see my awkwardness and love for the internet as terrible things that should be shunned. i don't know what to do.


Unfortunately you don't get rewarded for just following the "rules" or even being good sometimes (tho you do get punished for breaking them..)

Exactly how do they not respect you?



takeapart
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 4:59 pm

My family don't respect me for some of the choices I make, I do the best I can. Sometimes people get the better of me and I find it hard to repair it all, I just like to see everyone happy & healthy. It takes time.



devark
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:52 pm

AceOfSpades wrote:
Your self worth should not depend on others because then you have to lean on other people rather than stand on your own two feet. You give up your autonomy for some false sense of security. I grew up being abused physically and emotionally and I eventually came to the point where I said f**k the world and became more reliant on myself. A false sense of security might give you comfort and a sense of certainty, but you are much better off accepting that the world is full of uncertainties and moving towards self-actualization. Looking for the approval of others enslaves you.


This


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chrissyrun
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Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:21 pm

My family sorta respects me.
They respect my running, but they hate that I'm on the internet all the time.



Foxx
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Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:40 pm

AceOfSpades wrote:
Your self worth should not depend on others because then you have to lean on other people rather than stand on your own two feet. You give up your autonomy for some false sense of security. I grew up being abused physically and emotionally and I eventually came to the point where I said f**k the world and became more reliant on myself. A false sense of security might give you comfort and a sense of certainty, but you are much better off accepting that the world is full of uncertainties and moving towards self-actualization. Looking for the approval of others enslaves you.


looking for approval also has the benefit of getting you off your behind to get somewhere in life.... Critisism and respect are two of the most important things to listen to, as they are hints on where you can go in life, and what you can do to improve yourself.

First and foremost, in the real world, respect is a privilege, not a right. You gain respect for supporting your peers and you gain respect from your parents by becoming a good citizen, except what defines a good citizen differs from family to family.

So Steffy, my question is to you; what else don't you do according to your parents' wishes? do they feel you respect them? etc. etc.

The best way to solve your conondrum would probably be to have a long, hard talk with your parents and hope to whatever god you believe in that they listen good, but not before taking a long, hard look at where you are in life, your wishes for the future and what you want to do about it.



Tokiodarling21
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Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:07 pm

i live alone. but whenever i make a mistake or do something my dad considers 'will take advantage of other ppl for' when in reality may sound like that person was trying to be nice, he feels he has to call me out on it and yell at me. now our relationship is already weird b/c, i've established the fact that i would rather live near my mom's family than in Oregon (and he really dislikes my maternal grandparents but has to pretend to be nice to them in front of us whenever they are in town), my stepmom and I talk and get along but things are also weird since ya know she was also in on that "sugarcoating the group home thing" that i still remember, she also said suggested I have a gay male roommate one time (since I have a fear of being in the same room as girls due to being molested my a female friend in middle school) but being the religious person I am, I don't think I would be able to handle that.
My mom and sister live in Arkansas so I only see them whenever I go to Arkansas,but i will call mom and talk for a while about whatever and sometimes ask about my sister since she lives with my aunt and uncle, mom will usually say she hasn't seen or heard from her. that's usually how things are .the relationship with my sister is really bad since she hardly talks to anyone anymore, when she lived with us she would bully me and my brother and get into all kinds of trouble which is strange b/c she was a good student at school if she wasn't talking to her friends My brother and I have a great relationship so it would seem for the moment he's the only one who gets me. As for my grandparents (both sides who live out of state) they just want to see me more maybe even want me to move over there. i know at one family reunion, one family member saw the expiration date on my state ID and said "Who knows, you may be back in Arkansas at that time."
I don't know if I should stay or go. It's a monetary issue as well (and money right now is something I don't have) Ever since coming here I've felt like a square peg in a round hole. I mean I was only 12 when I attended middle school (while living with my mom) for the last time. then I got transferred over to that hell hole Northwood Middle School (it was while I attended this school that I was inappropriately touched at 13) i was bullied on a daily basis, i got detention twice for uniform violations (Not dress code violations even tho they called it a dress code it was really a uniform violation) b/c at Henderson MS (my old school) they never made us wear uniforms. At Henderson, they practiced inclusion, Northwood did too but it depended on what functioning level the student was at to be included in a special ed. classroom and work among typical students in a regular setting. If not, the student was sent to what the district called CBI (Community Based Instruction) this wing was located next to the locker I had in 7th and 8th grade plus I rode the short bus (the CBI bus) so like the mashed potatoes at the school cafeteria, the bullying and name calling and insults kept piling on. The bullies even tore into my brother once he reached 6th grade (not physically) they called him gay, four-eyes threw his backpack down a hallway and by this time a policy against bullying was in place but the teachers wouldn't do anything about it.
I mean according to my grandmother, it sounds like I wasn't supposed to leave Arkansas b/c mom had custody at the time but when we were in dad's care we were brainwashed (well more my siblings than me b/c he also brainwashed us into thinking his second wife was our new mother but given how she treated me like dirt, I never accepted her as a mother figure.)
When I was 18, before my surgery to make me sterile was even official, he brainwashed me into thinking this would solve all my problems and i wouldn't have to deal with having periods anymore (Really, where's mom when u need her?) but I still would buy it b/c it would also mean I would be infertile and being that I'm a christian who values life very much. I was very unhappy with this plan b/c it wasn'tonly my plan for myself but it wasn't GOD's plan.
That's why I wish to be a mother sometime in my life so I can give the love I never got from the family members who don't get me but i had to learn love from the ppl in my life who did and sometimes i feel like it's already there it's just not seen b/c ppl want to turn a blind eye sometimes. :(



Last edited by Tokiodarling21 on Tue Nov 08, 2011 1:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:15 pm

My family outside of my mom and dad (RIP dad :( )pretty much outright hates me. But I have no problem with it. The rest of my family, for the most part, are drug abusers, molesters, religious doomsayers, and all types of other bad seeds I don't wish to associate with. My mom is all I got and even she has her days where she doesn't respect me.


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