I Don't Feel Like Part of the Group

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I have a group of friends at college, including my roommate, and I like them all, but I don't feel like I'm included as part of their group. They go out to parties at night and drink alcohol and get with girls and a lot of the time I'm with them they spend talking about these parties. They invited me to go once, but I declined because I don't want to be around drugs or alcohol, and I don't think a party would be a great place for me anyway. What can I do to help myself become part of the group?

I am told that people in their late teens and early twenties only consider you to really be part of the group when you go along to all of their social events - including the one's centred around clubbing and alcohol.

Sorry that's not very helpful. Maybe you can find another regular activity that they will all be interested in? Like watching a particular TV show, going to the movies or coffee regularly.

There's no point in trying to be part of that group. What they do is destructive and useless. You would be better off if you joined a study group or a club or a cause for improving something or became a volunteer at something you like. Then you can be with like-minded people.

I don't understand why you're complaining. First you said you feel left out because they're always going to parties, then you said they invited you, but you didn't wanna go cuz you don't like parties....They're clearly trying to include you, but you don't want to be included.

It's like a little kid complaining about wanting a toy, but when he gets it, he doesn't want it anymore.

Why don't you just go to a party? Who knows, you might have a great time. I go to parties all the time.



*cough* square *cough*

I agree. If they're nice enough to invite you out again you should give it a go! You don't have to drink if you don't want to, but a glass or two will probably help you loosen up a bit.

and don't fear the reefer. the reefer is your friend.

Thanks for the suggestions so far. MudandStars, I think I will try your suggestion first and try to set up some activities for us to do. If it still doesn't feel like they're including me, I may have to reconsider whether I should be friends with them or not. Lelia, I don't think that this group will be a real problem. They haven't tried to pressure me into anything, and only once suggested that I should try going to a party with them. They seem responsible and they are keeping up with a tough schedule of schoolwork, and I'm almost certain they only go out on weekends, so they don't have a serious problem. It just feels like I don't fit in because they go to parties for fun and I don't. Ruckus and MetalAspie, I will also consider what you have said. If doing other things with them doesn't work, I may try to go with them, but I will try my hardest to stay away from drugs and alcohol. Any suggestions on what kinds of things to try doing with them would be much appreciated.

I guarantee you won't be the only one not drinking or smoking. If you can just be around everyone and still have a good time, they're not gonna bother you. Just go for the company.

Besides, more beer and weed for them

Well you going to have to either accept the invites they offer to fit in with their group or decline and find someone else who is like minded, at my college, I keep people at arm's distance because social life in previous schools has caused too much trouble for me to deal with and I end up half killing pricks because of their jealous/needing to be a man s**t.

For me, I talk to everyone but I never try to be within the group because not only are they all 16/17 for the most part but I already know what they are like from the get go so I keep all of them at arm's reach, even women who are interested in me at arm's reach I mean yeah sure it would be nice to go out with one of them because most of them are exceptionally hot women but I know for a fact that they won't understand me and 16 - 21 isn't an ideal age to try to get into a relationship.

At the end of the day, your at college to work, not to fool around with your peers.

I would say don't bother. What they're doing is not fruitful, imo. If you want to be included in their group, then do what they do and be like them. If you don't desire to do that, then don't. I'd not do it, and just go off in my own little world of working on cars and stuff. But that's just me.

Propose something interesting you can do altogether. You could go to a pub in the day time, have a meal, play some pool / snooker. Pubs aren't generally too busy during the day + You don't have to drink, so it's win for you. It's also win for them because they can drink if they wish. I also go paint-balling and go-karting with them.