In over my head (long post)

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Where to begin---

A little more than a month ago my 74-year dad stepped on a shard of glass outside our house. He didn't tell anyone, and tried to fix his foot by himself. It got infected, and the bacteria got into his blood. One night he simply lost the ability to stand up on his own. Since we live alone, I drove him to his doctor first - he refused to go to the hospital - to be looked at. By this time, his condition deteriorated to the point that he could barely move, so they couldn't/wouldn't get him on the exam table. They referred him to the hospital. I had to drive him there myself - the first time I had driven such a distance on the highway. We finally got there, and after a two hour wait they finally got a room for him.

I drove back home on the highway - at night - while he stayed at the hospital. I spent the next four days alone in the house and driving to and from work by myself - again a first for me - before my younger brother came in from Denver and things sort of went back to normal. Then the hospital - Holy Cross Hospital of Silver Spring, Maryland - inexplicibly discharged him despite his being very sick and immobile. When they couldn't load him into my brother's car, they got an ambulance to pick him up and dump him here at home.

My brother took care of him here at home, but then abruptly left for a new job overseas. So suddenly I'm alone caring for my father. Someone has to be near him at all times, and his health plan only provides nurses who drop by occaisionally. I had to quit my job to look after him. I provide him with his medicine, clean him, run his IV, and clean his wound. My brother didn't leave complete instructions befor leaving, so I just know I'm doing something wrong, like forgeting to do something while tending to his wound. I must wait for nurse to come to get here to teach how to do everything, but I don't know when one will be coming next.

What can I do?

You obviously know how to use the computer. Maybe send your brother an e-mail and ask for help with listing all that has to be done, how it has to be done, when it has to be done and how often.

GETTING ORGANIZED appears to be the need here. You obviously understand that things need to be done and appear to be able to do them. You appear to only need...help with getting a list and getting organizing.

If your brother can't help then call the nurse and ask them for help organizing your dad's treatment regimen. Make them understand that you need help with this because you are autistic. Ask them when they plan on being there next and if necessary, ask them to come early to help get you set up as part of the process.

BTW, yours was FAR from being a long post. It was also easy to understand and concise.

I don't think the help this person needs is because they are autistic.

But yeah, ask for help. Contact your brother. Contact the nurse if possible. Figure out what needs to be done and work out a way to do it. Until then try not to feel overwhelmed. You are doing everything you can.

Outer_Darkness >> Forgive me if my suggestion was perceived as insulting or demeaning you. You appear to be an intelligent, capable person. I only assumed that autism has brought some difficulties to your life (as it has mine).

Furthermore, my suggestion that you mention autism when you talk with the nursing agency was for the purpose of advising how to explain yourself to them so that they'd understand the severity of your need. NOT that you are disabled, just that your need may be impacted by difficulties in organizing and structuring because of autism.

OP, instead just go with "I AM NOT A NURSE AND I NEED HELP IN KNOWING ALL OF THE THINGS I SHOULD DO FOR MY FATHER WHEN THE NURSES AREN'T AROUND." That should suffice.

It's okay I didn't take offense. Thank you for the advice.

I hope the advice is useful.

Always remember, the nurses are there to help the patient and if you are the caregiver in residence, helping you help the patient means they're providing help to the patient.

Good luck Outer_Darkness!

UPDATE:

Things have settled down a bit here. I spoke with a nurse's aide today and she cleared up my responsibilities a bit. I have a better idea what I have to do. Tomorrow night I have to drive to his pharmacist to get medical supplies, which has me a little worried but shouldn't be a problem.