Eating Alone
I have always had this problem, whether at home or whether out in public. I do not like eating alone. Well, when it's push comes to shove and I get out of my 3hr lecture and if I am hungry I need to eat so I will eat at a dining place alone. But that isn't prefered and I don't really enjoy being alone while eating. The problem really is I don't really understand why I don't like to eat alone. I mean I have my theories. It might be a part of the school environment in elementary and middle school I was teased a lot and had to eat by myself while the other kids had friends. I went to home schooling in high school because the middle school environment was to toxic, I didn't even finish middle school in a public school I was transfered to home schooling.
I also don't like being watched either. That's another thing. Sometimes if you look at resteruants it's very rare to see people alone by themselves. Those that are business folks. But I always get this feeling that people are wondering why this teenager is sitting alone at a resteruant. I say teenager because a lot of people believe I am still in high school. I literally had a lady ask me, "what grade are you in high school?"
Are there any other people who can't eat alone? How do you overcome this?
I don't like eating alone at sit-down restaurants because I find it awkward but at home and just about every other place I'm opposite than you. I love eating alone.....in the dark no less. I hate it when people watch me eat, actually I used to have a bad phobia and I'd start hyper-ventilating but I think I have it under control now.
As a child I had a broken family. As said I don't really have the reason why I don't like eating alone at home or at dining places. I am still thinking on these two theories, at school I was always alone with no friends. At home, my family was broken and we never had proper sit down meals. I actually don't think half of my elementary childhood I was with the woman who gave birth to me or my dad. My grandparents use to pick us up. And even then we rarely ate at home. We ate out. Very rarely did we have sit down meals at home. And when we did eat at home, it was at a television. So now I like to eat in silence with someone's company. I don't like the television on and I don't like eating dinner by the television. But I also don't like eating alone either. I have no clue with my brain sometimes.
No wonder you don't like eating alone!
It's just the theory of my mind. I don't really know if it makes sense. My 'rents recently divorced and I have been home helping out with my younger brothers. Since dad is always at work, I spend my time at school [college], then come home to deal with the youngest at 14 going on 15 this year, and the middle at 19 going on 20 this year. And I'm 23. Both boys need some serious work. Without the parental role models in their lives, they are so dsyfunctional sometimes. J-bird is better than P-boy. P-boy is a nasty piece of work, but then again with his autism and bipolar like mood swings I try my hardest.
My issue and which is driving me insane is the eating alone aspect. Trying to get these two to eat like a family is driving me insane. Now I know, I shouldn't force them into something. And I know I shouldn't make them do something. But for the sake of my sanity I am tired of sitting at the dining table alone. I can't do it any more. I'm at the point where I rather not eat until someone is sitting down to eat. I have become the dinner leech. Whom immediatedly comes down if someone else is making a meal.
MakaylaTheAspie
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Joined: 21 Jun 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,565
Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)
For me dining is not an experience about food. It's experience of people sharing the same meal and same food. It's people sharing each other's company. I mean look at any culture other than America. Most of the time they have a family sit down meal, everyone worked for the meal, etc. It's the experience of family together. I hate being less important than a video game. P-boy no longer eats with the family because he's to busy playing his video games. I hate being less important than anything. Family is most important. And how we express that is spending time and company with that family.
When my son,who has AS, got "silent lunch" in primary school for some minor infraction, he would enjoy it. I had to tell the teachers it was completely ineffective as a disciplinary action.
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Detach ed
I'm akward like that. Especially in buffet style situations, which I cannot stand. My friend decided one day he was going take me to a buffet. I can't do it. I'm to concious of how much I'm putting on my plate. Friends will always be like, oh you eat so little I wish I was like that. But for me it's like, other people want food too I can't take to much, and then at the same time I'm like I don't even know how much I am suppose to grab portion wise at a buffet. Then there are people behind you. I can hardly do it with friends, let alone doing it by myself. I wanted to go to this Indian resteruant and they were having buffet style lunch.
Well the manager lady is sitting right there next to the buffet table and I freeze up. I freak the f**k out and just ended up getting a puddle of food. Cause I couldn't do it.
Dining is okay, I have done it before alone, not something I prefer, but still something I will do if I am hungry. And I mean it's okay if I have prepared my order in my head. It's harder when it is a resteruant I don't know the menu at all. And sometimes I also order weirdly. In Jamba Juice they have this fruit smoothie called the Berry Upbeat. I keep ordering it the Berry Beat Up. Which people laugh. I try hard not to say it that way. It just happens. But when that happens in a resteruant it feels like a failure. As the waitress is busy and then I screw up one line and one order and everything is ruined.
I can be quite self concious it appears.
I really dislike eating alone even at home but I believe my reasons are quite the opposite. When I was living with my parents and my brother, we used to eat breakfast together and we always had proper sit down dinners with no TV or anything else. We still do, whenever I go to visit. So eating alone is just a different and unpleasant experience for me. It seems even the food doesn't taste as good if I'm eating alone.
ME TOO! I don't know if you've ever encountered eating with a boyfriend's family for the first time, but I feel like I could just die. If I talk, then I'll look gross due to eating and talking at the same time. If I'm quiet and concentrate on the food, then they'll hate me for not opening up. If I don't know how to use the right utensil, then I look silly. And so on....
I ate with my family a few weeks ago and I accidentally scraped my fork on my plate. It was so embarrassing.. and so loud!
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Ummmm....
I don't mind having a meal alone while at home, but I feel very stressed when I am alone in a canteen. When at school and at my previous job, I used to take with me a newspaper or ebook reader, so I had something to look at and focus on while eating. It was very helpful.
@Pandora_Box I share your view about the social function of meals. I find quite sad that many families in North America sit in front of the tv rather than in front of each other while having meals. I had to experience it before realizing it, actually.
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At age 24, 4 months and 10 days I was officially told: "Congratulations! You are an Aspie".
Now I write about it --> http://happilyclueless.me
Probably you are not alone. Being Aspie or NT. Eating is, evolutionarily speaking, a social act among primates and many other vertebrates. Maybe that's why we cling to TV's, books, etc. if there's no one (or no one interesting or interested) available...
I live in a country where a huge amount of people don't have proper food on a daily basis... you would be very welcome to ask one of them to join you at the table!
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"What exactly is a dream, and what exactly is a joke?"