aspie to aspie dating



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SamanthaBlake
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:33 pm

There dosent seem to be too much info on two people who are dating and both have aspergers.

the only reference i have is mozart and the whale(the film ).

could anyone share their experiences with this type of dating or give a reference.

thanks.



Asp-Z
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:34 pm

Use WP's (admittedly crappy) search, there are loads of threads about this already.



CrazyStarlightRedux
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:37 pm

Sounds like a paradox to me...but I bet it would work.



The-Raven
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:37 pm

its not mentioned in any books, I think they assume it would have no problems, when in my experience it has much more as there is often double the communication probs, half the empathy and minus flexibility.

It would be very nice if there was a relationship book aimed at aspie/aspie couples.



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:02 pm

I went out with a girl for 10 years and neither of us knew we'd Asperger's until we broke up.



Radiofixr
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:31 pm

Logically it makes sense to be something good because both people would have an understanding of the issues someone has who has AS but sometimes as what happened to me the other person felt they were above their AS and could pass judgement on my behavior and said "well I don't do that and I don't have problems with that" and I got criticized because supposedly I am a picky eater and this other person would eat anything under the sun-you would think being on the spectrum they would be more understanding.


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nick007
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 8:32 pm

My 2nd girlfriend was an Aspie; my 1st was NT but had sever dyslexia, ADHD & a little OCD. Anyways.. Things went a lot smother with my Aspie girl; we connected & related to each other a lot better but we broke up because our personalities were not compatible; my personality with my partner is opposite of the way Aspies typically are in relationships(I love being close, affectionate & discussing my feeling with my partner) & her personality was like an extreme version of the typical Aspie(having shutdowns, withdrawn/distant, disliked dealing with emotions, not very affectionate) So I think individual personalities play a large part as to how well a relationship works.


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Kyra71
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Fri Mar 09, 2012 8:43 pm

I think it would work better if both people are Aspie. My marriage failed because he was NT and didn't want to deal with my Aspie traits :/



MisterSpock
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Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:58 am

I've been asked if I would date an Aspergian, and I gave it some thought.

One one hand, I would possibly have a deeper understanding of her thought processes, know the troubles of life, and be aware of the aspie quirks. It could feel somehow more real, better even, to be dating 'our own kind' (not meant derogatively, I just couldn't think of another way of putting it).

But then there is the other side.... what if we did things differently, a way that the other one didn't like. Yes there is compromise, but I've always found that hard. Not being able to give/read body language could hinder the relationship - or it might help, because to overcome that, the two parties might talk more.

Theoretically, I see no major issue with two aspies dating, provided the are not far along the spectrum. To find books, just search amazon with the terms 'asperger', 'love', and 'dating'.


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Agemaki
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Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:38 pm

I imagine it really depends on the person. My aspie boyfriend is very similar to me and we communicate rather well. One of the things that I really love about our relationship is how we both find eachother's oddities to be endearing. We have some of the same stims though I've noticed that when he's exicted he'll rock side to side while I'm more likely to hop up and down. A while ago we were playing a game where we would take names of animals, change the syllabic emphasis and add a new ending to it. I think my favorites were platyputosis, the condition of being a platypus, and hippopotamocracy/hippopotacrat, a political ideology in which power is held by hippos. I love word games and I can't imagine that many boyfriends would indulge me in that kind of pastime. Another thing I enjoy is how we never run out of things to talk about; our conversations are long and meandering as one topic leads to another, both of us being easily side-tracked.

We both have a tendency to worry a lot and sometimes that can be bad as we can stress eachother out. Still, we're working on being supportive of eachother and the fact that we are similar makes it easier for us to understand where the other is coming from.



MisterSpock
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Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:49 pm

Agemaki wrote:
I think my favorites were platyputosis, the condition of being a platypus, and hippopotamocracy/hippopotacrat, a political ideology in which power is held by hippos.


Excellent. I actually laughed out loud, which is not common for internet amusings.


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SamanthaBlake
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Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:57 pm

not t0 be blunt but i dont really care if its to perceived to be a bad or good idea for aspies to date. i just want as much info/relationship advice as humanly possible.

i cant help it i like aspie girls and guys i feel like i resonate on the same frequency and we cna understand one another better.

my first relationship was with an aspie guy and he pushed me away because he has a hard time letting go of past relationships and letting love and he is going through a difficult tiem in his life.it just wasnt a healthy relationship. im just having a really really hard time getting over him even though i know i deserve better.
there is another aspie guy tha ti kind of like now but i just broke up 2 weeks ago with my last bf and i got really depressed hanging out with the new guy and comparing it to my last relationship.
i dont want my feelings for my ex to get in the way forever or ill become even more suicidal.
i also have a crush on this girl who funny enough dosent have aspergers.

i just want to know what to do! i want a relationship book for as-as or for someone who has as not for the partner who has as(normally a guy)



queenserenity22
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Fri Apr 13, 2012 4:22 pm

I am currently in an aspie/ aspie relationship that has been going on for a year and it has been going on quite successfully. The rate of success has to do with the two aspies involved, what has made our relationship successful is me and my boyfriend balance each other out in the sense of where he is weak I am strong and where I am weak he is strong, basically we instead of getting upset about where we each lack we spend more time trying to help the other as opposed to putting the other down. We also talk about everything and when I say everything I mean [u]EVERYTHING, we don't believe in having surprises in our relationship all of our cards are laid on the table and we come up with a plan that suits the both of us instead of allowing one to have more control over the other. My boyfriend is very affectionate and at first I had an adversion to being touched as a result of him being as affectionate as he is I have learned how to come out of my shell and I am now completly comfortable with him touching me and in fact have come to enjoy being intimate with him. Aspie/ Aspie relationships can work, the level it works on depends on the two aspies invovled.


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chessimprov
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Sun May 27, 2012 9:44 am

Ultimately, it comes down to the connection, desires, and understanding between the partners whether anyone is autistic or not. If you think about it, the general social difficulties are going to make a connection more difficult with friendships or romances or general interactions. That doesn't meant they don't happen and doesn't mean that they should not necessarily but there are at least two sides to every story. At least one of these types of interactions must always happen unless you are a hermit who can live off of the land. If you're in that < 1% that is able and is being that kind of hermit, you would not be posting on this website either probably.



Rennsport99
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Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:44 pm

I am in an AS/AS relationship. We've been dating for almost a month. It seems to be working well. We def understand each other better that way and we understand why we do the things we do. I still need to work on communication. She is the better communicator.



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