I think I have depression...:'(

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I'm going to try to keep this short, as I don't feel like typing much, right now...

I hate my life...
I'm always depressed, and I always burst out crying at random moments, when I'm left alone...
Just before, I had been lying on my floor crying hysterically for about 20 minutes and feeling numb...
All these feelings and emotions have been frequently occurring every few days/weeks, for nearly two years...
Nobody notices the way I am because I'm not very good at expressing my emotions...

WHAT SHOULD I DO? :'(

What i did was go and get counselling , also you can go and see a psychologist if u wish , u can get cbt which helps with depression or if u just want someone to talk to without in depth psychology you can just have counselling.

Quit saying you think you have depression. You do have it. You have to get more in touch with yourself if you want to beat it. What causes it to occur? You need to pay attention to the causes. Depression doesn't just happen.

Actually it is not all that uncommon for people who are depressed to not know exactly why they are....its not always situational sometimes its more to do with brain chemicals. That can happen to situational depression as well if its not treated. But it certainly does not just happen and it would be good for the OP to look into possible causes......or maybe consult a therapist or other mental health professional that could help them get to the root of it.

You can also see a regular doctor like an internist or family practitioner and start addressing the biochem part of it.

It may be the 4th antidepressant or the 7th which really helps you. There is a large aspect of trial and error in a respectful sense. But the sooner you get starter, the sooner you find one which 'clicks' or at least which helps in a substantial way. (have struggled at times with depression, have not yet tried antidepressants but it's kind of my ace in the hole)

Exactly, it is pretty common for people to not know why they are, which is why it's important to start looking at what triggers the onset.

I think most people that become depressed go along with a recipe for life that was given to them. They trusted the people that guided them, not realizing they were becoming less in touch with themselves. And when they stray too far, bam! Depression, anxiety, etc.

Sometimes there is a trigger, sometimes there isn't. You don't have to know the cause to treat it. My advice is to first talk to a doctor and get some blood tests to make sure it is not a vitamin deficiency or something. The next step is to seek counseling. If it is stubborn, meds might be the answer. Some Aspies are very sensitive to psychotropic drugs, so report any unpleasant reactions to your doctor. If you do the meds thing, don't give up on them if the first one you try doesn't work. There are plenty of different kinds out there and they all effect everyone differently.

Thank you everyone for the advise you have given. I think I've decided that I'll go speak to my GP, and tell her that I am depressed- though, last time I did, she just thought that it was just me 'being a teenager'...hopefully, she can actually help this time.

...Thanks, again.

Yeah if you have someone you can talk to certainly give it a try....but yeah I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and of course it never really got adressed. But yeah I do not like the attitude that if a teenager is depressed people assume its just normal teenage angst or some crap....I mean I tried to end it once when I was `15 I think that pointed to some serious issues......but all I ended up with was counseling that didn't really help.

But yeah anyways certainly talk to that person, and if she isn't helpful if you can I would consider seeking out other sources....and the main thing I know it can be hard but just try and keep going but anyways I hope you find the help you need for this.

Some doctors are stand patters, some are more interventionists.

So, if you told her a previous time you thought you were depressed and now you still are, then it's kind of time to try something.

And again, something like zoloft might work great for one person, might not do a thing for another. Just apparently biochem is complicated and everyone's is a little different, and the science is not yet at the stage where they can measure precursors in the blood or breakdown products and make more of an educated guess. So I say, embrace the trial and error aspect.
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/aug/03 ... ug-choice3
And typically it takes a month to tell if an antidepressant is going to work or not, unless the side effects are unacceptable and that is your judgment call to make.

And sometimes it's also important to step down in phases even if it doesn't seem to be working. And as my backup plan so that hopefully I'll feel more comfortable trying it in the first place, I am comfortable on my own going down to half and then calling the doctor's office and saying, "It wasn't working. I've gone down to half. May I schedule a new appointment?" And if need be, I'll just tell the doctor face to face, "It wasn't working. I had to." And if the doctor has too much of a problem with it, then maybe time to put this doctor on the bench and get a new one. And okay, it has occurred to me, if I want to be a little more cautious, I could go from a full dose to three-quarters of a dose. Basically, it depends on what feels comfortable as the next medium step. That's how I'm trying to plan.
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/aug/03 ... ing-drugs3

I'm actually doing okay now. But this is my backup plan and I've put some thought into it.
Plan A: 5 antidepressants, 5 months---or less. Maybe the side effects on one are really crappy. But I'm not going to waste any more than a month on something that's not working.
Plan B: Another 5 antidepressant, 5 months. Remember, embrace the trial and error.

Other people: light visors for SAD, exercise, change in diet. Again, different strokes, different folks, we're all a little different. Someone might praise a change of diet to the skies, and more power to them and I'm glad it's working and I'm glad they're sharing it with other people, just that it might not work for everyone.

For me, any upward spiral I can find, getting that, building on that, trying to stay open.

And a doctor is a paid professional, not a friend. Or, kind of a friend. This is a part I struggle with.

I dunno. I've had depression all my life and in my case it DOES just happen.
Then again, mines a mood disorder that's less unipolar than normal depression, and something more like bipolar. So maybe we could conclude some types of depression Do just happen.
This still suggests that the OPs depression could have just happened.

There's no real evidence to conclude the brain chemistry is a valid arguement. But I'm sure it could be the cause in some cases. After all, all emotions are due to chemicals in the brain. I don't think one could conclude this means there is an imbalance due to excessive sadness all the time though.

That said, there are many possible causes, situational, physical, chemical, learnt behaviour/helplessness etc etc etc.

There is always a solution however, even if there isn't always a noticeable cause.
In my case, there doesn't seem to be a cause, but there are triggers.

Go see a doctor and a psychologist, OP. I'm in very much the same position right now.

That may be the case, but I'd say that is by far the minority. I'd like to think that people picked up on things as a child that they didn't like causing their depression.

I was an extremely anxious kid who had panic attacks before I was in school. I'm pretty convinced that it was my parents disconnection with raising me. They had the mentality "Kids are just kids", like they are all the same. So in that light, if the kid doesn't like what the parent does, it's the kid's fault automatically, because the parent is always right.

And that's how a lot of people depression/anxiety starts.

Just my opinion.

Maybe.
I know I always thought my parents hated me and it must have become a sort of 'everyone hates me' think when I'm very down.
My mom thinks it seems more like a personality disorder than mood disorder though. But I don't believe I have such a thing, and hate the idea because it feels like saying I have a personality disorder is a way to say I can't be helped.
Not that I feel like there's a huge amount of help anyway... >.>

It's an insult to my personality to suggest such a thing though.

I repressed most of my childhood so only 'know' what people have told me, so I don't know what could have caused anything. But I don't believe it was particularly bad and I know I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.

Last edited by qwan on 05 May 2012, 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's entirely possible that they raised you well enough that you were left confused about the shortfalls they left, so you couldn't really grasp the problems at hand. It's like hiding poison with love. It kills you but your friends and family don't reflect that it is, so you are just uncertain for a good amount of time, and by the time you figure it out, the damage has been done.

And that can lead to personality disorders, if the effects are you not being able to wholly function in society. How can you be confident when you weren't nurtured remotely correctly while growing up? How do you trust people when you you never really learned trust in your family while growing up, and you had no outlet anywhere else? How do you learn what appropriate love and caring is when you couldn't learn about it growing up?

Bottom line is some kids are the right match for their parents, and some parents don't need to be raising kids.

I really feel 99% of depression and anxiety cases are the fault of the parents, and they didn't quit exacerbating it, or didn't help mitigate the causes. For the most part kids aren't born that way.

I don't even think that psychologists and counselors readily point that out enough, that ultimately, the patient isn't flawed so much as the environment they were brought up in. Maybe they shouldn't? It could cause a lot more hostilities between family members.

I was abused as a kid at home and bullied at school, but I don't think that "causes" every depressive episode I have.

I've been through a lot of therapy, have accepted that my childhood is not my fault (even more since my AS diagnosis), have a wonderful relationship with my mom, we love each other very much despite our checkered past.

But I still have bipolar disorder. I have healed my past, but I still get depressed. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes things can be going great but I feel like crap. Sometimes I have a manic or hypomanic episode and the depression comes after it. My last depression had a cause, I had just moved, was constantly in meltdown because of the change and the noise and the people. The one before it had no cause. My life was stable, I was trying to take care of myself, but slowly, things went bad.

It's the same with manic episodes. Sometimes they have a cause, like lack of sleep or poor diet. Sometimes they just happen, no matter how well I'm taking care of myself.

Both manic and depressive episodes are controlled by medication, at least for me. Since I've been on the right meds, I've been doing better, having fewer episodes. This isn't because of my childhood. This is because of a biochemical reaction that the medication helps to correct.

For all the things I've been through, I should logically be in the "blame the parents" camp. But I'm not. My childhood was hell. And yes, my parents are partly responsible for that. But out of all the possible parents I could have gotten, I ended up with some pretty great ones who were just flawed. There is no perfect parent. Every single child gets hurt in some way. Expecting parents to be superhuman is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

My parents did not cause my bipolar disorder by their actions. If they are in any way responsible, it's probably because of the genetics they gave me.