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again_with_this
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28 Jun 2012, 3:26 am

Something you find humorous and think others would as well. Show us your sense of humor. Go ahead, I dare ya.



Rascal77s
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28 Jun 2012, 4:30 am

I wrote this one for English class.

Quote:
A priest had died and found himself in hell where he was greeted by a demon. He exclaimed to the demon, “ This is hell! Why am I here?”

The demon replied, “ Well Father, there’s been a bit of a mix up. You were sent to hell for having sex with altar boys and were sent here to be punished. But, you received your last rites and were absolved of your sins, so according to the rules you should go to heaven. As much as you deserve to be punished, and as much as we want to punish you , we’ll have to send you to heaven. The only snag is that, as a priest, you were supposed to be celibate and heaven won’t let you in. We’re restoring your virginity so you can get in”.

The priest’s virginity was restored and he was sent to heaven where he saw Lawrence of Arabia sitting in front of a large tent and reading a book. The priest asked, “excuse me sir, where are Saint Peter and the Pearly Gates?”

Lawrence looked up at the priest with a raised eyebrow and handed him a ticket with the number 40 and said, “ Take your ticket and go in the tent. When you get inside take off your clothes, a suicide bomber will be with you shortly.”



again_with_this
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28 Jun 2012, 4:45 am

Rascal77s wrote:
I wrote this one for English class.

Quote:
A priest had died and found himself in hell where he was greeted by a demon. He exclaimed to the demon, “ This is hell! Why am I here?”

The demon replied, “ Well Father, there’s been a bit of a mix up. You were sent to hell for having sex with altar boys and were sent here to be punished. But, you received your last rites and were absolved of your sins, so according to the rules you should go to heaven. As much as you deserve to be punished, and as much as we want to punish you , we’ll have to send you to heaven. The only snag is that, as a priest, you were supposed to be celibate and heaven won’t let you in. We’re restoring your virginity so you can get in”.

The priest’s virginity was restored and he was sent to heaven where he saw Lawrence of Arabia sitting in front of a large tent and reading a book. The priest asked, “excuse me sir, where are Saint Peter and the Pearly Gates?”

Lawrence looked up at the priest with a raised eyebrow and handed him a ticket with the number 40 and said, “ Take your ticket and go in the tent. When you get inside take off your clothes, a suicide bomber will be with you shortly.”


I like it. Complex, thought provoking. Well written. Good crossover between Catholic and Muslim beliefs.



CokaCola
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28 Jun 2012, 5:50 am

Most people will probably find this boring but...
So, a kid gets in a trouble at school, bit of a nerd, and he is told to write "I am sorry, I won't do it again!" 50 times on a black-board.
So, what does he do? he writes this:

Code:
#include <iostream>
using namespace std;
void main()
{
   for(int i=0;i<50;i++)
   {
      cout << "I am sorry, I won't do it again!" << endl;
   }
}

:lol:


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KyleTheGhost
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28 Jun 2012, 6:01 am

Why did the pony have to gargle?

Because he was a little 'hoarse'!


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wokndead
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28 Jun 2012, 6:18 am

I once met a lady wearing unscented perfume. It came in a little empty bottle.


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again_with_this
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28 Jun 2012, 7:06 am

I was gonna a tell a crude, sexual joke. So here goes:

A man goes to a $5 hooker. A few days later, he starts feeling itchy down there.

So he goes back to the hooker and says, "hey, you gave me crabs!"

The hooker says, "what did you expect for $5? Lobster??"



Titangeek
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28 Jun 2012, 9:19 pm

Rascal77s wrote:
I wrote this one for English class.

Quote:
A priest had died and found himself in hell where he was greeted by a demon. He exclaimed to the demon, “ This is hell! Why am I here?”

The demon replied, “ Well Father, there’s been a bit of a mix up. You were sent to hell for having sex with altar boys and were sent here to be punished. But, you received your last rites and were absolved of your sins, so according to the rules you should go to heaven. As much as you deserve to be punished, and as much as we want to punish you , we’ll have to send you to heaven. The only snag is that, as a priest, you were supposed to be celibate and heaven won’t let you in. We’re restoring your virginity so you can get in”.

The priest’s virginity was restored and he was sent to heaven where he saw Lawrence of Arabia sitting in front of a large tent and reading a book. The priest asked, “excuse me sir, where are Saint Peter and the Pearly Gates?”

Lawrence looked up at the priest with a raised eyebrow and handed him a ticket with the number 40 and said, “ Take your ticket and go in the tent. When you get inside take off your clothes, a suicide bomber will be with you shortly.”


Took a minuet for that one to click, good one :lol:

CokaCola wrote:
Most people will probably find this boring but...
So, a kid gets in a trouble at school, bit of a nerd, and he is told to write "I am sorry, I won't do it again!" 50 times on a black-board.
So, what does he do? he writes this:
Code:
#include <iostream>
using namespace std;
void main()
{
   for(int i=0;i<50;i++)
   {
      cout << "I am sorry, I won't do it again!" << endl;
   }
}

:lol:


:salut: :nerdy:


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bcousins
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28 Jun 2012, 9:33 pm

Well, I made this script:

http://thegunzelsparadise.com/error/

Every time there is any sort of error - This page shows up.

If you keep refreshing it, You'll get a whole list of excuses.


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IdahoRose
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28 Jun 2012, 10:00 pm

How did the vampire know he was ill?

He was coffin and sneezin'!



wokndead
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29 Jun 2012, 6:36 am

Man: Doc, I don't know what's wrong with me, but it hurts when I do this.
Doc: Don't do that.


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Skilpadde
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29 Jun 2012, 9:03 am

I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot the pizza in the oven...


Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and have them all to yourself?
Well, apparently that’s called kidnapping.


Organised people are just too lazy to look for things.


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Did you know your Iphone could do this?
Nope. I didnt even know I had an Iphone.


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again_with_this
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30 Jun 2012, 4:48 am

The other day I actually saw my parents having sex. Horrifying....

...I'm never going to that website again.



Vyacheslav
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30 Jun 2012, 2:38 pm

OK, I heard this in a Karl Krogstad movie short called 'Party Line'
Best told with one of those fake Chinese accents

A Chinese couple, the Wongs, are at the hospital to deliver Mrs. Wong's child.

The doctor, also Chinese, is surprised to deliver a blond, yellow-haired baby.

The doctor, scratches his head and says:

Aaaaa, there must have been an occident,

two Wongs do not make a white.



keira
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30 Jun 2012, 3:48 pm

Actually I do know one that's pretty good. There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea
cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks. So the
sea mollusk says to the cucumber... Nemo! :fish:



edgewaters
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30 Jun 2012, 3:52 pm

A guy is driving down a road in the far north. His car breaks down. After a long walk to find a house with a phone, he calls for a towtruck.

When the serviceman arrives, he says "It looks like you've blown a seal".

The man responds, "No, that's just frost on my beard."