Talking too much or not enough



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Joe90
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24 Jul 2012, 11:09 am

One of the things I really hate about myself is I'm either talking too much or not enough, it's never just a happy-medium. When I'm at home with relatives or somewhere else where I feel comfortable at and who I'm around, I talk more, but then I find I'm talking too much because I am always talking at the wrong time, like if there's a sudden distraction what people want to listen to like something on the radio or the TV or another type of noise from somewhere else, I feel that I was the one talking at the time and have to be shushed or interrupted whilst they want to hear what they desired to hear (they are not being rude, I know it is just always me talking at that very precise time, and it only happens very few times to other people if they are talking but happens to me nearly every time I open my mouth). And no it's nothing to do with missing body language or lacking empathy or any of that crap, it's just that I always happen to speak at the wrong time, possibly because I'm talking too much instead of little and often.

Then when I'm at a social event, I talk too little, and get people saying, ''you're quiet'', and then I end up not fitting in properly because of being mute and reluctant to talk (due to social phobia aswell as shyness with unfamiliar people), and I then don't make friends or get included in their shenanigans because I look too serious or dull (even if I smile a lot, which I do). So it's either one or the other, it's never perfect!

Does this drive anyone else mad?


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GiantHockeyFan
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24 Jul 2012, 11:19 am

Yes, it completely drives me mad. I was practically a mute growing up and part of the reason why how I never knew when to stop talking and people always used it against me. I find it's just easier to keep quiet in most situations.



Esperanza
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24 Jul 2012, 11:22 am

Yeah, I get that too and it's annoying. Sometimes I'm a motormouth and sometimes I know I should be talking but I'm just mute.

On an unrelated note, Joe90, are you synaesthetic? I ask because your signature mentions an aura and I've read that seeing auras is a kind of synaesthesia, and synaesthesia and autism are related.



jetbuilder
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24 Jul 2012, 11:23 am

I can't stand it when people say I'm too quiet or I need to talk more.
I don't think I've ever been told I talk too much. I have however been told that I do go on about certain things. In those instances, I don't talk much more than I usually do, I just only wanna talk about the one thing that's on my mind.


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alecazam3567
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24 Jul 2012, 12:48 pm

I talk too much with familiar people, because I talk to them about my specific interests or the one thing that I've been thinking about. I don't know what else to say, so I keep talking about something I know about.

If I'm with a large group, even if I know them, I'm mute. I just can't follow all the conversations and end up not talking. This also happens with unfamiliar or new people.



jetbuilder
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24 Jul 2012, 1:10 pm

alecazam3567 wrote:

If I'm with a large group, even if I know them, I'm mute. I just can't follow all the conversations and end up not talking. This also happens with unfamiliar or new people.

I'm exactly like this!


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SpiritBlooms
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24 Jul 2012, 1:33 pm

I have the same problems, and also a tendency to interrupt, because I can't find those gaps in the conversation in which it's okay to say what I want, and the few times I've found them the topic has already changed from what I wanted to say.

I also sometimes speak too quietly (usually when I'm tense and there are too many people around for my comfort), or too loudly (when I'm relaxed and having fun).



lostmyself
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24 Jul 2012, 1:44 pm

People say my communication skills are bad. They say getting the thing they want out of me is hard because I don't talk. But I do some light conversations and talking with people. In the past sometimes I used to get carried away and talk too much about things that interest me. Now I follow conversations closely and stay on topic. But actual communication is still hard and stresses me out too much so I don't like telling people what I am going through or communicating feelings.



kraven
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24 Jul 2012, 2:01 pm

I'm that way.
I don't let it drive me nuts though, mainly because I'm so introverted.
I listen because I'm paying attention to how people speak, gesture, their little tics, and the subject matter. I find that interesting beyond the conversation.
Sometimes I mute the whole conversation in my head and watch people. Sometimes I don't.

But, I seldom beat myself up over it.

To be honest, the only people who give me a hard time about being so quiet are females who are trying to coax me into chatting them up or incite some kind of relationship. I'm married, so meh.



MightyMorphin
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24 Jul 2012, 3:38 pm

Yep me too. You especially can't shut me up when I'm talking about something I know lots about and have a huge interest in. I have to come to realise I'm talking so much and then kind of just completely go quiet in embarrassment that this person probably hates me now xD



Rudywalsh
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24 Jul 2012, 10:18 pm

I go on and on about what I know and find it hard to stop myself.

If i'm upset about something RUN.



SanityTheorist
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25 Jul 2012, 6:18 pm

Usually I talk very very little because of the attacks I suffered from talking often in the past...now I realise there are few things I talk about others are interested in so that doesn't help. Most strangers talk about quite vapid things I've noticed and they love sharing everything on social networking sites...

I talk a good amount around those I trust, but I am always very to-the-point unless it is to set up a joke.


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alecazam3567
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25 Jul 2012, 8:56 pm

MightyMorphin wrote:
Yep me too. You especially can't shut me up when I'm talking about something I know lots about and have a huge interest in. I have to come to realise I'm talking so much and then kind of just completely go quiet in embarrassment that this person probably hates me now xD

I do this too! Sometimes the other person will turn away or stop listening and I'll just slowly fade out.



KMC98
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26 Jul 2012, 12:15 pm

When I'm around people I'm familiar with such as close relatives, I'm comfortable and I've no problem talking. I think this is because I know my family isn't going to judge me and laugh at me therefore I can relax and be myself unlike acquaintances and strangers who will. Sigh...it'd be so nice to just tell people about my condition so they can stop asking me that annoying question, "why don't you talk?" or "why are you so quiet?" yet I don't want to because to me it's really personal and I feel they should just buzz off if they have a problem with my quietness, anyway.



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26 Jul 2012, 1:12 pm

I hate how NTs are always quick to tell other people "you talk to much". But then they often talk on the phone constantly. It's like they think talking on the phone is exempt and doesn't count or something. :roll:



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