The Stigma Of The A Word

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The Stigma Of The A Word

I've been a lurker on the forum for quite a while, just signed up today. I can relate to so many of the stories shared here. I took the aspie quiz and got 152 AS 65 NT. Though this explains a lot about my past and personality, I however am ashamed of it, and therefore not sure if I really have it or not. How am I sure this is biological and not learned behavior? I mean, if you remember what it was like for you to grow up, you felt normal, right? Yet due to social isolation/bullying without understanding what on earth you did wrong, how do we know that anxiety, depression, social avoidance, etc, wasn't learned behavior as a response to this?

The other issue I have is that so many of the symptoms are also considered "autistic." Yeah, duh, it's because Aspergers is on the spectrum, but basiclly this means that if you are an aspie then you also must be austistic too. My problem with this (and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE forgive me if I offend you) is that, to me, "austistic" = "ret*d." Now I know a lot has been done to promote neurodiversity awareness and such, but I dont want to be labeled a "ret*d." It was commonly used growing up, and not just by other students. To accept being "autistic" in my mind, is to accept that all these so called "NTs" were right all this time. And you can't blame me for feeling this way. Every time someone says their kid is autistic, or they show one for awareness, they always seem to be on the low functioning side of the spectrum.

Anyway, Cliff Notes: Im afraid to come out of the closet about Aspergers because I don't want to be associated with autism, no matter how high-functioning it is.

Again, I apologize to anyone who disagrees with me, but for me the word carries a huge stigma.

I'm right there with you. I feel like they were right all along and I'm not just different, personality-wise, I'm mentally challenged (whatever that means). That's why there's the "neurodiversity" movement. A lot of us feel we aren't wrong to be the way we are. We're not wrong at all. We just see things differently. The only thing that gives this idea any validity for me is the thought of what the world would look like if the numbers were reversed- if autistic people were "normal" and everyone else were "different".

I like to think there'd be fewer wars and faster scientific advancement. And the "different" people, having no special talents or interests- being jacks-of-all-trades- would be considered lazy, not very useful to society, extremely shallow, dishonest, socially vicious and manipulative.

I've never told anyone I have AS, and hate it when someone I know discloses it to someone else without my permission - which I never give. Being diagnosed simply confirmed to me what I had suspected; that I was different, and all those things I had suffered were because of me, because I was different, and so I always have hated that part of me that I blame for my sufferings. I've accepted it now and am getting on with my life. It might help you to find out if you do have it, in a way it is a relief to know why you are different, and if you don't want to tell anyone you don't have to.

I've asked myself the same questions about "how do I know if it's really AS?", I've concluded I never really will and it doesn't really matter, regardless of what label I have, I'm still me, and I have to learn to live as me. But it might help others to understand especially in an educational or work environment, if they know what your difficulties are likely to be.

People do always show off their low-functioning kids for awareness, but if they showed off their normal looking kids it wouldn't get any attention, or people would think they were faking. Just look at the "Does this girl have Aspergers?" thread.

I never understood the stigma around the word autism. I think that I never understood, because I am autistic, and I don't perceive as much social stuff as others, including social stigma.

I've been called an as*hole to my face only a few times
prolly more behind my back

as*holes are like opinions
everyone has got one
but that doesnt mean
they should be aired in public

By being quieter around NT's
You become
less of an as*hole



oh autism..... my bad (as*hole)


Actually, I've outed my autism to a large degree
And many people are being extra nice to me, since
[not all, that is their choice]

Its as if..............
They are making up for all the times
They bullied an autistic
So.................
become that vehicle
to relieve the long held guilt
of others
previously in ignorance and shame
feel the love

I more have the problem that a lot of people perceive Aspergers to be a bunch of as*holes who think they're smarter than everyone else and just want an excuse to be a douche bag.

I haven't spoken about the possibility of me being on the spectrum to anyone who doesn't know me very, very well, and knows that while I lack a lot of self help skills, co-ordination and social skills, I am not of below average IQ.

But then I wouldn't be offended if someone did think I am of below average IQ. I know I'm not. That's enough for me.

Consider yourself lucky. My problem (and I suspect others suffer from this as well) is that we want to fit in. Even after decades of failure, even after pretending we don't need any social connections, deep down we fear loneliness. We want to fit in because that is what is expected of normal people. And whether or not we see ourselves as normal, we were raised into believing we need this. I understand now why people call them "NT." It takes away the "normalness" from being a part of the majority, putting them at our level. 



But isn't that a little depressing? Having confirmation that no, it's not them. It really is you. It has always been you. It's your fault, even if there is nothing you can do about it?



I'd rather not be officially diagnosed with anything. I'm sure that's pretty understandable, especially since we're dealing with a mental condition that's not considered normal. I had taken other online tests, but it seems like the aspie quiz commonly linked here is the most accurate. Even with the others though, I scored high, but noticed flaws in the tests design. Admitting that I have it would explain a lot, but I don't think the burden of time and expense to be officially diagnosed worth it, as what are they gonna do? Agree with me?



=)

You do bring up a point though. Living in silence, you are can be viewed as anything. Remember "it's always the quiet ones." You can also be viewed as stuck up, like you think you are more superior, thus dont want to socialize with the likes of them. Then there's the recluse label. Either way, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.



I love how it's ok to tease someone and make them feel stupid, but when society knows a person is truly "special" it's suddenly not appropriate. You're the same person, what changed?

Also, you don't feel as if their kindness is actually them thinking you are mentally challenged? Sometimes I feel awkward around "nice" people, believing that they are talking down to me, like when a young child points at the sky and says "airplane." "Very good! That is an airplane. You're so smart." How can something positive feel do negative?

Autism is not a mental condition. It is a neurological one.

And I believe there is just as much variability in IQ for people on the spectrum as for NTs, although one time an Aspie told me there were more people on the outer ends of the distribution for ASDs than in the middle (same range of IQs, but more highly intelligent, more low intelligence, and fewer in the middle), but I do not know if that was his observation or a fact.

I, personally, don't think you ever need to tell anyone you are autistic or AS. To me that seems to be a very personal decision. So, if--for any reason--you are uncomfortable telling others, just keep it to yourself.

For me, personally, the realization that I do not need to fit in to be happy was like a giant liberation. I am only sad that it happened in my 30's. I think if I would have realized this in HS, my entire life would have been different. I wasted the best years of my life on a wrong belief...that my life would somehow be better if I was popular.

I think I am rambling a bit. But you don't need to be anyone you are not. There is no reason for you to feel ashamed of who you are. I don't mean that to belittle your feelings of shame. But you have done nothing wrong.

It was a tad depressing when I realized most of my social difficulties were coming from ME, not *THEM*. Than I decided, its just another fact of life I must deal with. Like having Crohn's disease but maybe not quite *THAT* nasty. At least I have mild Crohn's ( or Colitis depending on which doctor!LOL).
Autism carried a stigma in my generation because Autistic=Retarted or basket case to most people. Not something you would want people to know about. Also, no one had heard about AS, HFA, or a Spectrum back in those days.


Sincerely,
Matthew

So, are you saying that people are justified in mistreating a (in your words) :"ret*d"? That the ret*d should be blamed for the way he is, instead of the NT's being blamed for the way they treated him when they could easily have treated him differently?
No, it is their fault. I spent my whole life thinking it was my fault: that I was somehow evil, lacked self-control, inconsiderate, just didn't try hard enough. If I really couldn't help it, though, it was not.

Well in reality autism and mental retardation are not the same thing.

I would have to agree with this, I do not think there is really any valid excuse to treat someone like crap because they have a mental disorder and/or mental illness. They are in the wrong if they do that not the person with the mental disorder.

Unfortunately, the distinction has not exactly been highlighted in the media . . . and has been further blurred by advertisements put out by a certain parent's charity.

Nonperson and Sweetleaf, I think you both missed the point UmmYeahOk is making.

He's not talking about how others treat him. He's talking about the realization that why he's so out-of-step with others isn't simply their rejection of him, but his own inability to naturally engage with them. And I think the depressing realization for him, and many of us, is that we'll always be out of step, it will never ever come naturally. And sometimes the truth can be depressing.

Still, it's good to be honest about these things.

As for the "ret*d" thing, most people are not familiar with autism and the concept of a spectrum unless they themselves are on the said spectrum...or if a family member/loved on is. Telling someone you're autistic is bound to be misconstrued, and they might start patronizing you, thinking autism=diminished mental capacity. Plus, autism is such a large umbrella term that some other autistic person they know may be more of a classic case, and they won't be able to make distinctions.

Well as far as I am concerned the media can go #*@& itself or start being more accurate. Autism and Mental Retardation are not the same thing...one can have both however. Also neither should be treated less than human as both people with Autism, Mental Retardation or both are just as human as anyone else and should be treated as such.

Well that sounds like their problem than......Also not everyone necessarily wants to become in step at least not with mainstream society, and that is how I feel. Sure its depressing that if you don't fit in some people look down on you and some people even take it further and actually try and cause harm to you because of it.......but then again why should someone want to fit into a society that encourages such ostracism and treatment of people who don't fit in with this society either due to a mental disorder or some other reason(outside of hurting others for personal gain or to be sadistic, as that should not be tolerated).