I Hate everything

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A warning that this is a self loathing rant so don't bother posting if you are just going to hate on me.

Lately i have been feeling consumed by rage and anger and empty at the same time and i've got some bad ideas in my head. The rage that i've had for years keeps adding on. I feel like the most miserable person on earth. Nothing i have tried helps this. No medication helps. I have tried so many drugs to make me feel just something. But i feel sad and empty all the time. Humanity is the problem. Its always other f***kers that make everything in my life go wrong. I don't know why i just don't kill myself. I mean why the f**k am i still here. I could have been dead 3-4 years ago. Now i am 18 years old and things are getting worse and worse. I feel like something big is on the way that is going to destroy my life. I feel like i can't control myself again.

When i was in hospital i felt safe and understood, but now i'm on the outside world again i remember just how much i hate humanity. My family are the worst. Apart from my dad (who supports me) the rest of the b*****s give me nothing but s**t. They all want nothing to do with me and act like i don't exist. I'd like to kill all of them. My mother never talks to me and is always going on about how much she loves my sisters and how they are just how she wanted them to be. I don't know how much longer i can take it. My Medication is the only thing stopping me from going on a killing spree. I wish i could like go and live on my own island in the Pacific and isolate myself forever.

Here's a man who got away from it all by living alone on an island in the Pacific. I probably wouldn't last too long there, but you never know.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEyFB2wJXQQ[/youtube]

I know how you feel, i feel the same. I think humans are a biological failure, at least most of them. One day i am going to prove it and change some things here.

Dear HammorHorror,

Don't give up yet. You're 18, and at the point in your life where, for the first time, you can finally start making things better for yourself.

You can move out, and live on your own. It won't be easy, and you may have to ask your father for help for a while, but you don't have to stay with your abusive family.

When I was 18, I was in the place where you are now, and I speak with the voice of experience when I say that it can get better. I won't lie to you and say that there are easy answers, but there aren't. It will take hard work, and the depression makes it feel like hard work is pointless.

Don't give up, though. You can improve your life. You can find your happiness. And I wish you

Great good luck,
Ikari Gendo

I hear you buddy. "I hate everyone" has been uttered by me many times in the last few weeks. I could deal with being aspie if it wasn't for the way other people treated me....

I find myself totally understanding the mindset of people who go on a shooting spree. Its a scary thing to identify with.

You're not alone.......

To try and cheer you up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfnSixvNmY4

Hi my friend, don't give in to paranoia, I've been through it all and I managed to survive. I still have lapses from time to time but can manage them better. Try and talk to your dad as he seems to understand you better, and also try and find something to channel your rage, such as art or writing - this is a good way to let off some steam.

THere are many decent folk on this planet as well, aren't there? People who try to make things better for the miserable children, adults and animals who need support and help? Not everyone is a self centred *@#*.

I understand how you feel and will continue to be a supportive friend as well as I can. No-one said it's easy to get through the bad patches, but it can be done.

I have run 10 89 km ultra-marathons in my life. During such a long run of around 10 hours it builds endurance. I am not suggesting you need to run marathons too, just pointing out that life is often just like one. There are many supporters shouting for you on the way to help you overcome the pain and the lows. I've fallen down, over a cat's eye in the road, and picked myself straight up again with a knee that I never noticed was bleeding until much later...

Please also chat with your doctor about your feelings, maybe he / she can recommend suitable treatment. If you do need to return temporarily to the hospital, it may be for your good.

I remember being 18, and boy was I pissed off. Overall, things got better as I gained independence from my family. As you get older you will see every moment is actual a point of transition. But while we are in it, things feel like they will always be just as awful as they are right then.