Quality of relationships/friendships with ASD's Vs. NT's?

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A question just popped in my mind while browsing the forums tonight. Do people who are on the autistic spectrum find they have better quality relationships with people who are on the spectrum vs. those who aren't?

As someone who currently doesn't have any contact with friends besides my current SO and her friends and don't know if any previous friends would fall on the spectrum or not, I'm curious.

I'm talking relationships in general. Friendships/Romantic/Opposite Sex/Same Sex.

Do opposites attract and work better in this case or is it birds of a feather flock together?

Do other people who are on the spectrum have more tolerable quirks than NT's or is there more clashing? etc.

I think that is too general a question to answer, but I have have more of a sense of connection with other Aspies, or people with mild traits. Most of the people I end up hitting it off with are bipolar or ADHD. With other Aspies, there are more communication roadblocks, but if there's something you share in common it can be really great.

Perhaps it's just people who are more accommodating to differences, and not strictly adhering to social rules.

You need to connect, and that means you have to have enough in common to not feel threatened, and have enough differences that it's not boring.
I've found some people on the spectrum a bit much to handle, too intense.
I've also found some NT's (read most) just don't get me, and it's too hard to relate to them, or them to me.
What I look for is a deep connection, I can't stand shallow insecure, or ambiguous or apathetic people, whether their ambiguity or apathy is in relation to politics, social issues, or what have you.
My friends don't have to agree with me on everything, but they can't be diametrically opposed to something I'm passionate about or it won't work.
That said I am left leaning and my family are somewhat neocon, so I just can't get along with them, though that is only the tip of the iceberg on our dysfunctional non relationship.
People who are argumentative, or rub me up the wrong way won't get past introductions before I mentally write them off. It's a failing and character flaw I'm still working on, but that's where I'm at now.

Actually, so far that's the kind of answer I'm looking for. I just wanted it open so people can comment on whatever situations they lived through and have had experiences with.

I was wondering about communication roadblocks as well as the comment about some being too much to handle/too intense.

This is a fair question. I've not had lots of friends but those I've had have been NTs.

Since my daughter's diagnosis and my own self-diagnosis I've been interested to seek friendships with adult Aspies or Auties. I've yet to meet an adult with autism but have got to know one diagnosed Aspie during a conference I attended recently. The gentleman in question kept largely to himself but was friendly and cheerful. However when I tried to get to know him I found he put up shutters. It turned out he was quite well connected and fairly wealthy. He thought I was trying to ingratiate myself because of his status. Ironically I was over enthusiastic only because I met another person on the spectrum.

I've met plenty of parents of Aspie children (NTs ?) who unfortunately have not been all that friendly and seem to be like regular NTs in comparing and contrasting their children with my child.

You mention your daughter being diagnosed. Since she has been diagnosed and you feel you may be as well, how has that shaped your relationship with her? If you don't mind me asking. If you feel like sharing you can be as open or not open as you wish.

Right now, I have a counterintuitive experience. My best (& only) friend is an NT. Meanwhile the only other AS on this hippie commune has a delusional system in which I am satan. I don't generalize the particular, though; it's all a hand of cards to play.

I have no friends on the spectrum.
Some of them have one or two AS traits, but absolutely not enough and not severe enough to suspect AS.
One of my friends has some strong social anxiety traits and some ADD traits she developed when she got depression at age 13, so it can't be real ADD.
She is not at all autistic, sometimes she stims when she's anxious, but she hasn't got any other AS tendencies.
She has AvPD tendencies.
I also have an extremely anxious and perfectionist friend, but exept this she's "typical".
I have a friend diagnosed with dyslexia, whose traits are similar to some of my attention deficit disorder, on the cognitive/attention side I mean.
He's my complete opposite for other things: he's an extrovert, gets depressed easily, has stable emotions and is very empathetic.
This dyslexic guy is the only person I've felt a special tenderness for in all my life until now.
My other 4 friends all look and behave mostly typically, they might look a bit weird, but not autistic.

Birds of a feather works for me.

I get along best with aspies, cuspies, introverts and shy people. I usually feel instantly or quickly "connected" to people who turn out to be similar to me in those areas. I feel a rapport and want to hang out with them, and find it easy to communicate with them. I rarely if ever feel that way with people who are very different to me.

Examples of people I've gotten along best with in life:

My dad, who was most likely an aspie.
An ex, who was close to being aspie.
An old work colleague who was very shy, she only kept in touch with me when she left.
An old uni friend, who is introverted.

It always depends on the person. I could get along well with one NT and not another, and I can get on well with one Aspie and not another. But I don't know enough Aspies to be able to prove this, but it's what I'm assuming.

Admittedly being friends with another Aspie means you are more able to relate to each other when you talk about social awkwardness, and not be so shy of coming out with it. Of course people with other conditions besides AS can still relate to me well when it comes to social awkwardness. I have a friend with ADHD and even he is socially awkward in some ways.

I get along with both.

That is to say I have NT's I am close to. But when it comes to raw connection, the thing that gets closest is other aspies or cupsies.
I have NT's who have known me my whole life or for a decent amount of time like 10 years who understand me as well as they ever will and know me really well.
But nothing beats being close to another aspie - once you're in their "inner circle" there's pretty much completely honestly and directness which is really nice to be able to connect to another person almost completely. Friendships with other aspies are also much harder to destroy, even if they take more time to build.

I don't have any Aspie friends, but I'd be curious to see what it was like. However they would have to be a compatible Aspie. I've come across one or two who Aspies who I found a bit unapproachable, they kinda made me fell nervous around them. I did have a close friend with bipolar once though, and for the most part it was good, except when her bipolar started to really sour our relationship

My only real ASD relationship is with my 7 year old son, who has Autism. When we are together we often don't need to talk, we just sort of understand each other When I'm with him I don't need to explain anything and neither does he. We can be as daft or as quiet as we like, and can stim without feeling embarrassed about it. We just sort of chill out and respect each others space.


If having an aspie friend is like that then I think I would indeed like to have an ASD relationship. Purely platonic of course - I'm happily married now

I've only had one undiagnosed Aspie friend so I don't have much experience with friends on the spectrum, but friendships don't seem to last for me unless there's a shared common interest that we can talk about. I'm not for sure, but I feel like I get along better with an NT because they tend to lead the conversation and it's not as exhausting for me. The only suspected spectrum friend I had was more difficult to have conversations with but I felt a much more deeper connection with her than I ever have with anyone else. The one thing I don't enjoy as much as about having NT friends is their need to always go out and do something when I prefer to just sit somewhere quiet and talk most of the time if I'm gonna spend time with someone.

It's very hard to retrospectively predict and contrast how different my relationship with my daughter would have been had she been NT? or even a chatty Aspie?

Like most parents the unconditional love would still apply. I currently have very short little conversations but I have to really prompt her. I would love to chat to her more about her life and what goes on in her school etc...my daughter sees talking as purely functional. Occasionally I try and talk about something we see from the car. She usually acknowledges she's seen it and keeps quiet. When she's home and I try and talk in detail about something that is not her immediate concern she politely ignores me. My only consolation is that NT children her age talk crap 90% of the time so from that point of view I'm ok with her being reserved.