Would like to hear from Asperger adults 40+ Special Insights

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I am 48 and was diagnosed with AS in year 2000. It was very helpful to me as I was crippled with self recriminations - always trying to be normal and never quite making it. It lifted a weight off my shoulders and gave me untold understanding. I was considered eccentric as a child and bullied at home but not at school except one awful year by a ghastly perfectionist teacher WHO DID NOT BREAK ME. Once she had treated me unfairly we were sworn enemies and nothing she could do would redeem her in my eyes!! ! i mostly had friends. I studied art at university. My real problems started when I finished university. All my friends and aquaintances went home to their parents and I remained in that city on my own working as a freelance illustrator and very isolated. I htink perhaps peeps have a higher expectation of a working person than a student. I found my attempts at voluntary work and part time work to get me out of the house very painful confusing experiences that left me angry and very frustrated. They damned me and I had two choices damn them or damn myself. I was having psychotherapy with an unhelpful woman who after I left was told I had AS and denied that such a diagnosis could be accurate. Just about sums the whole time in therapy up. I had a breakdown very bad, very hard, family cruel and angry as past ill treatment and neglect from them came up - i always knew about it but never talked. things settled down again. I got better got my own flat went back to being an illustrator. isolated and struggling with social skills. I went to a counsellor who thought I might have AS and I asked my very kind Doctor for a referral and he gave me one thinking that i would not have it.
I read a bit about AS and it all made sense. I felt that there was some other planet out there where I would fit in better. I longed for a book on social etiquette that I could burn into my memory and that would rescue me from so many confusions and humiliations. I was able to change some of my behaviours simply by reading about them and the awareness alone was enough to say ok Im not going to do that anymore. not everything but some things. I trained in adult teaching. I became an art tutor and have become much more social and able as a result of that. I am confident in situations that are familiar and repetitive to me like my classes and it is wonderful to me. My students were generally over 40s and very kind to me. Appreciating what i had to offer and seeing that I was in some desperate battle for survival that could not be named. Over the years the trauma has healed it has all calmed down so much I am glad to be on the other side of a diagnosis. what a perilous and dangerous journey it was and one I would wish never to do again. Along the way people tried to help and I learnt to do a breathing excersise, take vitamins, cut out wheat and dairy and an antidepressant was a life saver. My life requires many improvements but generally it is wonderful to be me. I have so much to give and I intend to give it. Thanks if you got this far!! !

What a wonderful story Kizzy desilva! I'm so glad you made it!
It's heartening to someone like me who has managed to hold down a job tenuously for years but now chooses to isolate.
I was a nurse because my outlook made me useful at that. I could see things logically and that made me handy for spotting detail. I just done what needed to be done, while the NTs around me went to work every day for the socialisation and gossip!
Unfortunately, not being a politician, I fell into many of their traps, and found that only the politicians got the promotions.
When I got the chance to stop I went home and never bothered to mix again. Looking back, I only ever went to work and came home as that's what I'm happiest doing.
Now, I live in a very isolated area...it's hundreds of miles to the nearest shops and the space is amazing.
I know I'll never belong and I've grown comfortable with that. I find a lot of nts quite ignorant and if you look around they can't see each other's point of view (look at all the wars and social entrapments). It's easy to be a scapegoat, so I just stay out of the way.
My future plan is just to do what I want ...I think I've earned it!

Name - Sarah

Why are you here? - I only just realised how much of my life has been a workaround. I think I thought I was a dumbass, or that everyone was doing the same or that I hadn't been given the rulebook everyone else had and just kept on going, hoping that no one else would notice too much. I never felt tethered to the world, either emotionally or physically. I started to train as a teacher a year ago and suddenly it became painfully obvious that all the workarounds I had were no longer working because I was the one in charge of other people and I had no strategy at all to cope.

One of my friends kept telling me I was autistic or Aspergic; actually a lot of people have but I always thought they were joking or something and that I was just a goof and needed to try harder at life. It turns out he wasn't joking. Nor was my boyfriend or any of the people who've been rescuing me for the past 40 years. I had to take some time out of my training last year - I ended up so stressed that I couldn't function and it got to the point that I forgot how to read and literally couldn't speak in a classroom. I was signed off by the uni and a doctor. At the time, I thought I wasn't trying hard enough and needed to do better and felt like a complete failure. Also, now I come to think of it, a very large proportion of my friends have been autistic or Aspie.

During the time I was off uni, I started reading about Asperger's and more about dyspraxia - I'd realised already that I was most likely pretty dyspraxic (I have to phone my boyfriend about once a week because I'm lost or can't remember how to get home. I've forgotten to put my shoes on more than one occasion. My ability to get locked in toilet's is ridiculous) and everything I read about Asperger's made the utmost sense to me. I spoke to my doctor who wanted me to be sent off to be properly tested for a whole load of stuff, which gave me a strange feeling of relief.

I have only just realised that I'm not actually a dumbass, that my brain is actually wired a little bit differently and the way I see things and think is not a reflection of someone who's utterly failing at life. It's been the most important revelation and I'm only just getting used to the idea that it's cool to be me. I still haven't been 'officially' diagnosed because I'm unsure how it will affect my status as a teacher but I'm ok with that at the moment.

Since I've this epiphany, thigs have got a whole lot easier, mostly because I've stopped worrying all the time. I've qualified as a teacher and I'm working. Some really small things have made a huge difference to me - the way I tried to organise myself and my life - I stopped doing what I was told I 'should' be doing and started doing what worked for me. Mainly though it's the realisation that I'm not some alien with amnesia or somesuch.

This was more than I intended to write - this is the first time is the time and place I have actually written down anything and I'm guessing here is the one place I' not going to be told off for inappropriate behaviour. Apologies if this is the wrong place.

Anything else - I am a science teacher. I drink too much coffee and I smoke a lot. I read a lot of science fiction (but only if the science is correct. Actually, I don't mind if they break the laws of physics but they need to know them). I'm English. I really like comedy (but not comedians who jump around a lot because they get too sweaty). I am mildly obsessed with interesting windows and chimneys and I'm really pleased to meet everyone.

Sarah.

I did post in the wrong place.

I'd also like to say it's a massive relief to read your posts. My whole life I've spent trying to work out the rules and faailing dismally at it. Even knowing through a website that there are people who've felt like pretend people for a lot of their lives is like a present. I'm still trying to get my head around the lack of pressure I feel now. When I don't understand something, or I don't get what everyone else gets straights away, or any of the hundred little ways and things I used to try to be like everyone else don't work, I don't feel like I have to spend literally hours thinking about and trying to understand and being angry and fraustrated with myself about. I don't have to beat myself up anymore for being me. It's such a feeling of freedom that I'm giddy. Trying to be a Real Person has been exhausting. Stupid little things - I've felt guilty forever for and never really understood why it wasn't ok - like running away in shops to find things that felt nice on my face or getting transfixed by shiny things, I feel ok with that now and even the knowledge that it's not that big of a deal makes everything easier.

As you probably see, I am stupidly excited and happy about all of this. It's such a relief not to be alone.

Robothead, you ARE a real person! There's nothing wrong with you, it's just that you think outside the box. Don't beat yourself up any more.

Robothead: I also like new and shiny things. I like walking around in shopping malls that make me happy. All these happiness and curiosity are feelings that make us humane. We are different but of course, we are real, there is no question about it.

Diagnosed at 58. Absolutely no support groups, services, or network for adult aspies in my area. Having fun re-working self-knowledge based on new perspective.

Leas, glad u enjoyed the new understanding of yourself. Personal growth is valuable no matter how aged you are. It is better late than never. Well this website well served the purpose of a support group and I like the broad base of experience and perspective offers here.

Hi, I can really relate to your post. I am new on here and recently realising I have Aspergers. I also was searching, studying psychology etc but didn't realise it until just recently when I read Rudy Simone's book. It was only the second time I read it that I realised actually that's me. I have a dog I feel most comfortable with and friends but I struggle to maintain contact often isolating myself for periods of time. Even though I have a successful career working with people, I always felt like I was pretending. Change in diet (gluten free) and lots of time in nature have been helpful to me.
Thanks for your post. I don't feel so alone reading posts like yours.

Hi there:

I am 55 and just realized that there is a very good chance that I have Aspergers. Recently, someone I know told me she was just sure that I had Aspergers and I was very offended in the way she categorized me and dismissed me. I wondered why she would say that at until I recently ran across a few youtube vlogs made by adult women with Aspergers. This led me to check out more online information, some of the lists of common traits and a few tests.

Yeah, guess what? I seem to fall well within the range for this disorder. Truth be told, I always have joked that I felt kind of autistic. I even studied tons of psychology in college and underwent a ton of tests and then some therapy... (I have a MS in public health education with a focus on research...started a PhD in sociology and then said "buh-bye" to academia.)

So, a bit of an epiphany for me. I DID contact a local friend who is also a clinical therapist, someone I trust. I don't really plan to do anything differently than I already am...I'm a work in progress. I DON'T plan to seek any pharmaceutical medication at any point....had enough of that in my life.

Funny, over the course of my life the diagnosis I had received were: generalized anxiety disorder, mild depression, mild bi-polar.... But I have recently spent a lot of time alone and reflecting and working on myself and came to the realization that I feel like I've been faking it all my life to appear normal....and I still didn't feel normal.

Anyway, I'm pretty confident in my self-diagnosis being familiar with the territory and pretty accurate at that sort of thing.

I'm most interested in sharing and talking about alternative approaches to dealing with the challenges that come with this kind of mental/emotional/physical wiring. I'm not interested in standard approaches because I don't believe that the medical/pharma industrial complex has our best interest in mind.
Shamanic work, lots of time in nature, gardening and energy work have been the most useful therapies I've found....oh and changes in diet!

Robot head, I feel more alive and actually like a human reading your post.

I was diagnosed in June 2003 in Cambridge. I was 36 at the time confused and my mum still thinking I had brain damage which she thought I had since I suffered from Dravet syndrome in 1967 which she was told had caused brain damage and therefore labelled me with 'lack of awareness and severe mental retardation'. This provided essentially an idyllic start for me as far as people were concerned and I was also protected from my abusive father. They never thought I was allistic but thought I would have had what is now called a severe learning disability in the UK which was defined by an IQ of below 40 where as 70 being the cutoff for intellectual functioning. This meant I could if I wanted 'get way with anything and had no anxiety or PTSD issues. 1971 I had a some kind of seizure which may have been the result of some ear infection or some other but shortly after I learned some how to read. My mum says she taught me to do this but I do know I taught myself to count with woooden number shapes found at the school I was at. There was no real structure or routine so my mum did try to encourage to read and write which I did and three years later I experienced temporal lobe epilepsy.

The abuse started as soon as I left Wakefield Lodge which was supposed to be for children with severe, profound and multiple learning disabilities. There were a few there who had very mild learning disabilities the odd Aspie which was me and also the odd allistic as well. OK there I had some friends there but had to move on after Easter 1974. The next school academically was not much better in that when I was 10 years old the osrt of things I was taught an allistic person would have learned at 5 years old before they started their education. I had won a prize for this 'progress' in 1975 but just gave up a year later after experiencing a lot of things that no non allistic child shoud experience actaully no child should experience more correctly. There was no knowledge of Asperger syndrome and I had never heard of it. What I never had was self esteem and that was something that was never spoken about also the question of what one would have liked me to do as an adult was replied we only wanted him to live. How sick does that sound? Never mind having no understanding of autism/Asperger syndrome.

I had no real friends when I was mainstreamed and the hostility to me was actually more visible. When allistic people think a non allistic person has a learning disability, then they hide the fact they despise non allistic people and disguse this by speaking to the person like they either are a very small child or an animal such as a dog or cat. When you have Asperger syndrome or another social disability (emotional and/or social IQ below 70 with allistic level IQ). Allistic people really show how much they hate you or show that on first contact. I have had my IQ tested twice by two different clinical psychologists by using Raven's Progressive Matrices scored me as having an IQ of 137 in 1977. 11 years later I had another test a Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale (WAIS) of 110 split into a performance IQ of 108 and a verbal IQ of 112. However I quickly learned the concept of neuroprivilege. Another is that I do not think my sister is allistic. I think she has some kind of social disability having a below allistic level of emotional development too and has a degree in history as well as a reasonable paying job with BT. She is not an aspie or autistic but somewhere on the neurotypical spectrum and diagnosed with biploar disorder. She may be a little envious because I had the 8 years grace and she never did just my dad's abuse both emotional and physical. My mum could not think of me as an autistic person because I was so free and easy with the cuddles as a small child.

I left school with such useless qualifications it would be an ultra hard sell to cosider me as employable and I joined in the experience of physical and emotional abuse from my father which ad been ongoing from 1974 to 1979 my intelligence like that of many people with social disabilities (incluing Asperger syndrome) has also been used as a defence by abusers to justify dehumanising such people no girlfriends because I was surrounded by allistic people and they are never interested unless you are prepared to be used as a source of resources and nothing more this can really hinder a person's emotional development. That s not even considered and the excessive demands made on a person must be a major contributing factor in co morbid anxiety problems in autistic people because how come mot people with learning disabilities have none.

I have worked but i have never really applied myself because that can be like playing with fire because more you apply yourself the worst the social demands are and the worst social demands causes emotional difficulties and also have in the past triggered temporal lobe epilepsy as well as post ictal symptoms of which dring 1983 post ictal or Todd's psychosis triggered my learning organic chemistry to a resonable level and gain further qualifications at college. Since my maths was poor that never worked out an excessive demands at the work placement and the job had the boss 'breathing down my neck with those stupid rigid deadlines. Most allistic may thrive under such conditions but I found it to be a hindrance and an unwanted stressor and a trigger of a newer kind of epilepsy which was diagnosed in 1987 and was put onto tablets for. Either way in any work situation including work placements I was either taken for granted like since 1976 or emotionally abused and humilated by so called authority figures even in a so called 'industial therapy' unit the staff were real bullies of the more able and saw you if you had allistic levels of intelligence you were seen as little more than a domestic appliance nothing more and that is what allistic people have seen us in my experience. Since I and a lot of us have been showed either no or very little compassion for our sensory difficulties so why should I show any for other people just because allistic people do and this is actually based on their allistic centred view of other humans.

An example of this is that there are allistic people who think you can 'thrash the autism out of a child' but when it somes to something cutesy for example children with cancer or AIDS lets raise £30,000 to take 10 kids with terminal illness to America to Disneyland for example but the brutality shown to autistic children years ago is really quite disturbing which most people not even batter an eyelid about because they see us a less than human like an appliance such as a computer or the cooker and emotions are ignored. I despair for when I become old and may lose independence. It is bad elderly allistic people but it might actually be worse for elderly autistic/Asperger syndrome people. But we will never know because the older you are the less people think of you.

Hello,

I just posted here viewtopic.php?t=275601 then I saw your post. I'm also older (44) and thinking I need to get diagnosed. This seems to explain a lot about me. I do hope we all find the piece of mind we seek.

Thanks,
fifthGear

I was diagnosed at 57; I'm 64 now. I discovered I had Asperger's when a friend sent me here, to WrongPlanet. There was a lot to learn here. Then I decided to create a good life for myself. I started with an iron-clad Dx from our mental hospital, signed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist, with a cover page that I can present to doctors etc. That way, I'm a step ahead of getting re-diagnosed by everybody I meet.

Then I turned my apartment into a paradise for people like me (see below, My Fave Book). That took money and time and I'm still doing it. One thing in particular - a weighted blanket: instant relief in meltdown. I notice Sears Catalogue is carrying a "Heavy Blanket" that seems to be the same thing - look for polyester filling. This does not affect temperature, you can use it in summer as well.

Also changes to going out - wear earphones (connected to nothing if you like, or on top of earplugs!). I discovered that pale blue glasses indoors gives me a huge relief. I wear a scarf, or hoodie - it blocks out half the people. Although maybe that's helping my PTSD (from the life-long bullying).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you can always make things better, if not perfect, for yourself. And I think it's worth doing.

Hi, Im a 41 year old female aspie. I still need a piece of paper which says I'm an aspie but have been told I am one by an expert. More than twice I have been rejected as having autism/aspergers because I had good eye contact and I was able to be a bit social. Crazy. The hard thing for me is I have a hard working hubby(nt but high iq) and a daughter (now 15) who is an extremely closed aspie who has always clung to me in all senses of the word. Because daughter needed me so much, I have been stuck at home for the past 15 years with very little chance to do anything. At least she went to school today!!
We have been looking for help for about 10 years for our daughter, but somehow care organisations, one after another kept dropping us after the first few intro meetings- even though she had a diognosis!
Its no wonder I've had problems. I've only been directly told that im a proper aspie about a month ago and our family has a lady who is finally helping us!! Right now my head is still buzzing with the info that I'm an actual aspie with a unique way of thinking, and perhaps too many neurons and a curved part of the brain, rather than a NT with some aspie traits.

I'm happy to chat with other aspies.

Friendly Greetings
Phospective

I am 40 and was just diagnosed about 3 months ago. I had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar of which neither were correct. I knew I was different but didn't know what was going on. However when I was diagnosed it answered a lot of questions and I could finally identify with something. Also I had a feeling finally that the diagnoses was correct. Was a big relief when I was diagnosed.

Hi all,

I'm so happy to have found Wrong Planet and this specific thread! I've recently been diagnosed this year at 36. This was the first diagnosis that I've received that was able to "explain" issues I've had throughout my life: gastrointestinal issues, difficulties holding a job for over a year, extreme social anxiety/ agoraphobia, depression, and no long term friendships.

I'm able to "fake it" in the NT world, so no one really knows anything other than my introvert-like existence. I'm sure a lot of them make assumptions since I never go out and am only able to have social events at my house with my wife. Besides, I'd rather just hang out with her and our pets alone.

I'm curious how other older aspies are navigating life as an adult. I've been married for 5 years now and we just bought our first house this year. I finally found a career path in a skilled trade that allows time for my analytical side to be highly focused while also having time to be alone running a huge machine.