I hate Asperger's

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.. I really do plain and simple.

It has made so many aspects of my life impossibly difficult and I endured so much misery because of the effects of the condition over the years. I've worked impossibly hard to appear normal and manage the A.S but I feel like it still has a grip on me sometimes.

A.S is not who I am and not who I want to be and I don't see how any of you can enjoy having it or enjoy being defined by it. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone but I've lurked this site for years and have seen dozens of posts of people writing how they "love being an Aspie", "wouldn't change it for the world" and thought it made their life more meaningful. I don't understand these people at all, these must be completely out of touch because having Asperger's or an ASD is like having a chronic painful illness in my opinion that makes your life on this earth much more difficult than it needs to be and for this reason I truly hate it.

This is not a blessing, it's a curse.

Autism is OK for me, good and bad.

I identified quite rigidly alongside my Aspergers diagnosis since, let's say 6th grade. The crux here is that I can't say I enjoy the condition itself, I've never taken a breath without it, yet I do tend to revel in the introspective abilities HFA implies. I have fewer doubts than many about the efficacy of the diagnosis or techniques to handle it because I've given myself the time to adequately explain things to those in a position to help. Painful is one aspect I'll grant you, but I feel I should remind you than Aspergers is inextricable, for the time being, from your physiology. I think you'll be kinder to yourself when you learn, painfully or not, that your condition really means a tremendous body of knowledge and experience that can help people.

In short, the crazier your life gets, the better you become at navigating said craziness. You can be as crazy as I, or even more so, but you'll eventually find your calming nature impossible to ignore. Misery puts us out of touch with our own lives, in such times it can be a very enlightened choice to focus on everyone else's.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

At a certain point, I realised I was at peace with having aspergers itself. It was all the normal people who hated me for being me that made it hell.

So I don't hate aspergers. I hate those people. I hate the society that makes it OK to hate us. And one day it'll all come tumbling down simply because their world was not built to last.

Well, in a way, AS has helped me avoid certain situations like partying when there's a test tomorrow and confronting with hoodlums.

But I understand. AS is a horrible ailment that I didn't choose to have, yet get suffered for it. Lifes a b***h.

OP, I know how you feel. I absolutely hate having it as well. Not just sometimes, but all the time.
I was diagnosed with it when I was only 8, and I hated it then. I was always like, ''why me? Why me?'' I used to hit my mum when I had to be took to all these therapist places (I didn't hit her violently, and it didn't hurt her, it was just gentle punches). This was because I didn't want to be pulled out of school to have meetings about my insanity. I wanted to be a normal kid.

I've always hated myself because of stupid weird things I have done in the past, and the not-so-long-ago past as well. I know people say I have to let the past go, but I can't help it coming back to haunt me every so often. I know everybody says and does stupid things when they were young, but a few things what I did were because of Asperger's. Like at school when I was 14 I followed this crowd of girls around because I so desperately wanted friends, and I creeped them out then they told on me. After that it made me feel that I'm some sort of freak, and even now I won't get a job anywhere if I know one of those girls work there, because I still feel so embarrassed. Yes I know they might have forgotten about it, but what if they haven't? They might have forgotten about it for now, but if they ever saw me again, it might remind them of how weird I am. If I didn't have Asperger's, I wouldn't have done that. I would have already had friends to hang out with.

I can't understand how some people with ASDs can say ''Asperger's makes me who I am''. That has been said so many times on this forum that it has lost it's meaning. It totally scares me to think I have something wrong with me, that I can't be socially accepted as much as I should, and I will always struggle socially. I suppose I've said ''I hate Asperger's'' so much on it's forum that it's lost it's meaning, but I can't think of another way of saying it without cussing hysterically.

Another thing, I hate hearing the word ''Asperger's'' said out loud to me too. I just feel like hiding under the table when someone says it to me. I don't know why people don't just say AS or ASD. I don't know why I even have to have anything at all, then people won't have to even say it to me.

I think there's something abnormal in everyone. Ask any NT people if they have any problem with themselves, they'd tell you how they wish to be prettier, taller, smarter, not shy, able to do this and that, have more confidence, more optimism, more problem solving skills...etc. To be happy one has to accept themselves. Many of us wish we're more "normal" as life would be easier, but since we're born with this, it's best to accept it. This applies to most NT people as well. You can't grow taller, might as well accept your current stature. I found that people who aren't happy with their life because of reason A would become unhappy with reason B, if reason A disappeared.

As for me, I don't know what it feels like to be NT. Trying to imagine being them make me confused. It's like ... like comparing your dog to a horse, and feel sorry that your dog is so small because he's not a horse. There's really no point. You're you and not a horse, an elephant, an eagle or a neurotypical person, so what? That's just fine. That has to be fine, because you can't change yourself into someone or something else, not at fundamental level anyway.

what if I told you many fellow Aspies have felt the same way? Maybe not currently but in the past many have.

I know theres some difficult things about having Aspergers. It might suck that you can't get a gf or it's hard for you to live on your own. Maybe you were bullied a lot as a child like many of us were. But there are many good things that come with Aspergers too such as a unique way of seeing the world. Besides what doesn't kill you can make you stronger.


You should be okay with who you are. I know theres somethings that can't be changed but thats what makes you unique and special. Besides we need people who are different because if we were all the same, life would suck. Just listen to this song.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLkMA3wn70Q[/youtube]

I think you should be okay with the Aspergers and live a life with a job that is accepting of autistic people.

Pathostatus or disease is a spectruum, autism is a spectrum inside with other spectrum.
Really, the autistic people are between the normal range neurodiversity and the debilitating neuro-traits. If the world was populated with people inside of the autism spectrum, the ''normalpaths'' or neurotypicals who would be the outsiders.
For me, my stuttering, my psoriasis, my shyness and my divergent personality to many years on my life was a cross because all the time i was try ''act normal''. Actually i understand that be a outsider is a good thing, first, you have the hability to create your own culture and values, second, you are smarther than ''cattle'' people and third, you really engage with the most important things and majority of them aren't material conquest or privilège status, all are falses. All choices into our lifes have your price.
Intelligence is a form of personality, creativity also is a other form of personality, so autism is a other form of personality.
All people have habilities and disabilities.
Native indians live in a ''natural world'', they learn since early to live individually, to fish, to hunt, to marry and create their own families but, indians not have the intelectual capacity to know many things that many aspie people know.
Is a life.
I definetivelly love so much to be different, hate ''normality'', normal is not normal, people ''sacrifice'' their personalities, desires to fit with to social norms, is a ''consensus'' ( )
You hate your condition because the other people pressionate you to fit with the ''normality''.

I'm also racing for a cure for autism, and wish I could afford DAN. Choosing adoption instead of having bio-kids because of the risks of passing it down. Right now I'm just trying to fight as much as I can to live and be as normal as possible rather than being in an "accepting" career.

It's like cancer, never back down and race for the cure. I'm not into "geek" culture or being a "nerd" or any of that stuff, f*ck that. The person who said hair color, its like come on what if Marilyn Monroe "accepted" her hair color she would be a not so famous brunette rather than the most famous blonde.

There's BAP - which is when you have autistic traits without it being problematic. But when there's actual autism or Asperger's, it's a psychopathology. Although acceptance is a great idea we have to meet it halfway by trying to do the best we can to meet the idea of acceptance. But a glimmer of hope in the future is on the horizon. Acceptance until the cure, is my motto.

Honestly, I hate aspergers. The name even sounds weird. I hate it that I can't understand certain things naturally. I didn't even realize there was anything wrong until suddenly it came to my attention, and my parents, that in social scenarios that I couldn't process certain things (with a large combination of other things). I never picked up on it. I was diagnosed this year, as a teenager. I hate it. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

For some reason, deep in my heart, when I hear "autism" my mind still always flies back to Rain Man, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, etc. And I wonder, "Is that what I'm like?" because I honestly have no clue. In my mind, I'm as normal as anyone else.

However, I understand that I must realize that autism really isn't a disease. It isn't anything is broken. There isn't anything you can fix. It really is who I am. It is how I process the world. And that has both bad and good properties.

I may not be able to work in a loud place, and sometimes I feel like shooting someone who taps a pencil, but overall, I am able to process things at a rapid rate. I know I think differently. I can't imagine what other people think like. So I really can't compare, but I can observe. From what I've observed, people on the spectrum often have great potential. Intelligence/productivity and the autistic spectrum are often tied.

Border collies, the most intelligent breed of dogs, often have mental tendencies that you don't see in other dogs, such as OCD. Maybe even the doggie version of autism, but that would be hard to judge accurately. Border collies are the top performing dogs in the competition world.

To be completely honest.... I don't understand what being on the spectrum makes me so different. Okay, yes, I have done some very stupid social things that can account to the consequences of aspergers. Yes, there are some things I don't understand. But everyone has these problems.