Family doesn't believe me
Since the age of 25 I've worked hard on looking non-nerdy. I've lifted weights for years to undo some of my awkwardness (though I've needed a trainer because I have no clue where or what my body is doing). I'm still awkward, but not as amazingly so as I was 20 years ago. So I think my family has simply forgotten what I used to be.
I have miles to go. I walk like a duck, have strange facial expressions (which I am learning to deaden), hate hate hate hate small-talk, and I need hours of alone time each day so I can think straight. But my family doesn't observe that.
Are you doing better in university? What's up?
hmm I am told I walk like a giraffe, I have not really tried to work on my awkwardness, I am told I look aloof but I am not sure how that effects things. small talk is something I don't mind much, I do need a lot of time alone which university proved to be a problem with.
must have been difficult to work on your awkwardness because I don't know about you but I don't see where I am awkward, have you needed people telling you what's different so you can work on it?
I have quit university and gone back home as of yesterday. I was not coping at all, I felt angry and violent all the time and I did not want to look at people or talk to people at all, i kept getting awful mood swings that scared me. I think it was the amount of change that did it and the lack of structure.
I am now at home which I am so relieved by and am going to start an open university course in health sciences so its all ok.
Nope, not the church or any church really. I mean I can see the flaws in religion too, but to me since we're all human that doesn't negate the good they do. It's more just that I never really could communicate with any God and I think I need evidence to believe. I do however believe there could be a creator of some kind, just don't believe it's the Judeo/Christian God. Could be any entity or thing good or evil or maybe even just indifferent. Just have no idea.
Oh I see. I understand the difficulty regarding communication with God. I, too, rarely feel God's presence, and when many speak of their experiences I just look at them wishing I could feel that much, too. It's hard, very hard, to believe without a strong experience. I had a few in the past which helped me along the way, though in the past several years my prayer has felt very dry. Without having gone through the proofs earlier in my life, I would have abandoned my faith before seminary. But I am here and here to stay, even with the perpetual dryness in prayer.
Guess what? While I was on this forum one of my sisters and I had a nice text exchange on the phone. She seems to believe me now that I do have Aspergers. That's nice because she's a neurologist. It's so nice to have a sister of mine see something that has apparently been a part of my life since I was born.
This is a rare thread (peaceful and polite).
JSBACHlover, I'm 47 and was diagnosed this time last year. High functioning with no outward awkwardness, voice or visual cues. I do avoid eye contact, and was awkward and afraid of girls until recently.
You'll be one of the few people who will understand when I say;
I used to complain to God for years that I don't understand. I wanted a relationship, I would have meltdowns when I see a couple in the streets or on TV being happy together. I was so desperate to be like them, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't. So I would cry to God "Tell me what to do, I don't understand". He answered me one day and said "You don't have to understand, because I do".
That was about 4 years ago. In that time I've lived with a girl (arrangement only), had good friendships with two girls, found a great social therapist who has helped me tremendously, and finally got diagnosed with Asperger's.
I can be a lot more relaxed and accepting of my situation now. I still don't understand, but I'm moving with faith. As demonstrated above, my life is changing rapidly (never fast enough). I will get there, I know I will.
I do understand. It takes us Aspies a long time to get our acts together. (I can't tell you the number of times I've been told "get your act together! as if I knew what that meant!) So God has an extra responsibility to take care of us and to help us, because we were born with a kind of disability.
I am really happy that your life is going better and that God is a part of your life. Peace!
I have quit university and gone back home as of yesterday. I was not coping at all, I felt angry and violent all the time and I did not want to look at people or talk to people at all, i kept getting awful mood swings that scared me. I think it was the amount of change that did it and the lack of structure.
I am now at home which I am so relieved by and am going to start an open university course in health sciences so its all ok.
So happy you are figuring your life out. You'll get through this I have no doubts!
I find generally the older members of my family "don't get it" and try to treat me to the same standards of someone without AS but at the same time there are things I just can't do or find difficult. I try to function without them I'm not going to chase them if they are too busy to find time for me.
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