Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

Rodland
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 150
Location: none

19 Nov 2013, 10:33 am

My online friend who is AS diagnosed has childhood traumas which cause her lots of suffering but she says that she cannot talk anybody about it. She quickly mentioned that it is related to her violent father (also her experiences from the school sound like being negative though I do not know if it has been traumatic as well). She said she does not trust anybody and does not speak to anybody (including professional helpers) about the issue.

I am not sure if it is a good idea to try to help her (because the issue is so sensitive and I could just blow it somehow) and I probably do not dare to raise the issue again but I am still interested to know how people can usually be helped in a situation like this. If a person has no trust to talk even with psychologists, how he or she can find courage to deal with his/her traumas?

I already suggested to this person to talk with cats or imaginary friends in order to practice building trust (I happen to know that traumatized children are sometimes put to communicate with animals. She is adult however).



Sherry221B
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2013
Age: 122
Gender: Female
Posts: 670
Location: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

19 Nov 2013, 10:51 am

I know someone who has the exact problem your friend does.....If it has been way too many people hurting her, it might be too difficult for her to trust people after that, and it's understandable. It's quite considerate of you to try to help her, though.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 59,912
Location: Stendec

19 Nov 2013, 11:08 am

She will speak only when she is ready to speak.

Back off.


_________________
 
No love for Hamas, Hezbollah, Iranian Leadership, Islamic Jihad, other Islamic terrorist groups, OR their supporters and sympathizers.


smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

19 Nov 2013, 11:16 am

Fnord wrote:
She will speak only when she is ready to speak.

Back off.


This.


_________________
I've left WP.


Marcia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,148

19 Nov 2013, 1:37 pm

smudge wrote:
Fnord wrote:
She will speak only when she is ready to speak.

Back off.


This.


And again, this.



octobertiger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2013
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,949

19 Nov 2013, 5:00 pm

This.
:D
Give that person time. It could be years and years before they're ready to deal with it - if ever.

Quote:
If a person has no trust to talk even with psychologists, how he or she can find courage to deal with his/her traumas?


Perhaps never. That's something you have to come to terms with.



sunrise581
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

29 Nov 2013, 11:58 pm

Speaking out of personal experience, there's not much you can do if she doesn't feel comfortable to talk about these sensitive subject for her, with another person, show her that she can trust you, be supportive to her, be by her side you know, and with time she'll open up her feelings with you



em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

30 Nov 2013, 12:30 am

My suggestion would be to let this problem be her problem. Stay out of it. You will do a lot more harm than good. Childhood trauma takes a long time to get over, with help from a qualified professional. Some people never "get over it". They just live with the aftereffects. It is each individual's choice. I am speaking from personal experience as a survivor of child abuse, a mental health professional, and someone who has, with good intentions, caused damage to people I care about by trying to help them recover from their childhood traumas.



Eurythmic
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jan 2013
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 514
Location: Australia

07 Dec 2013, 4:34 am

Fnord wrote:
She will speak only when she is ready to speak.

Back off.


All in good time, she will share if or when she chooses to.



Raziel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,614
Location: Europe

07 Dec 2013, 6:13 am

To treat traumas correctly is one of the most difficult things in psychitry and not even many psychiatrists/psychotherapists are properly trained in that area.
I was in a traumatic situation 3 years ago and couldn't talk about it for a year.

You can't do anything about it and "forcing" someone to talk about it can even worsen the situation. I also did things to "worsen" my trauma, that's even very common because ppl with traumas tend to repead their traumas over and over, because they think they could solv it that way. It is very difficult to stop that kind of behaviour. Don't force her to talk about it or to do anything, traumas are really difficult to treat. Someone with a really bad childhood trauma who is not going better by itself needs treatment by a proberly trained trauma-therapist.


_________________
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." - Woody Allen


Schizpergers
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 234
Location: Washington, USA

07 Dec 2013, 9:39 pm

Rodland wrote:
My online friend who is AS diagnosed has childhood traumas which cause her lots of suffering but she says that she cannot talk anybody about it. She quickly mentioned that it is related to her violent father (also her experiences from the school sound like being negative though I do not know if it has been traumatic as well). She said she does not trust anybody and does not speak to anybody (including professional helpers) about the issue.

I am not sure if it is a good idea to try to help her (because the issue is so sensitive and I could just blow it somehow) and I probably do not dare to raise the issue again but I am still interested to know how people can usually be helped in a situation like this. If a person has no trust to talk even with psychologists, how he or she can find courage to deal with his/her traumas?

I already suggested to this person to talk with cats or imaginary friends in order to practice building trust (I happen to know that traumatized children are sometimes put to communicate with animals. She is adult however).



Just be her friend and don't ask personal questions.
I've known people with ptsd and one complaint I've heard from them is people bother them to know their business. If they don't bring it up, don't talk about it. They probably have enough other people pestering them trying to "help" and would usually rather not be asked about it because all it does is remind them.