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leafplant
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14 Dec 2013, 8:58 am

sometimes a person is just having a bad day and is incapable of acting properly

For example, I had a massive meltdown yesterday due to various sensory issues, mostly my car which has been making this scraping noise ever since I had it repaired recently and because I haven't had time to take it back, I've been living with this noise every day. Yesterday it got the better of me and everything irritated me and I cursed and swore at everyone and everything from inside my car. Usually I am calm and forgiving and tolerant, but I was having a horrible time coping and could barely concentrate enough to drive so when this woman stopped in the middle of the road with her dog and just kept standing there looking about like a loon, I hooted at her and then proceeded to scream 'what the f**k is wrong with you' - which she couldn't have heard because she was outside and I was in my car, but she did act annoyed at me hooting at her and wouldn't hurry up across the road. Dozy cow. :roll: Who knows what she thought/said about me, it doesn't bear thinking about. Point is, I wasn't at my best and you could say I hated the whole world at that point because everything was making it difficult for me to function.



jk1
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14 Dec 2013, 10:36 am

The same thing has been happening all my life, too. Some random strangers and people at work have been pretty nasty to me. Because you lack the ability to learn to act "normal"ly, you behave somehow differently from the others. Nothing's wrong with that but bullies need no rational reason to bully someone. They just bully anyone they perceive to be weaker. They also pick up on your feeling insecure/worried and bash you for that because they enjoy tormenting insecure people. I think that's roughly what's happening.

So you are not doing anything wrong. It's the bullies that need to be fixed. As long as you know you are a good person, you shouldn't have to change anything about yourself. What you could do is to acknowledge that nothing's wrong with you and enforce that feeling within yourself so that you can feel more confident about yourself. When you exude confidence, bullies find it harder to bully you.

Particularly since I found out about my ASD, I started to not care too much about how I'm perceived by others. I have stopped greeting people I dislike. I don't hesitate to show my negative feeling towards those that deserve it. I don't want to be aggressive but I do show rudeness in a "polite" way. I have sometimes even given some intense eye contact without a word to the point it cause discomfort to the other person. You just shouldn't care about unreasonable people. They are just pests.



bumble
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14 Dec 2013, 11:18 am

Skilpadde wrote:
vickygleitz wrote:
babybird wrote:
I don't know why some people are so horrible. It's as though they take pleasure from it.

I would say that it's more them who have the problem than you.


Shaadenfreude is a common NT trait.

It's certainly not limited to them. I know I have felt schadenfreude (or skadefryd as we say in my language) at seeing someone I dislike taken down a peg.


Why? it just keeps all the stupid BS going and then no one really gets to have any genuine fun.

Hell it even becomes impossible to find a genuinely fun loving and friendly person to have a night out at the theater with.

Im buying myself a new dress or suit in a few weeks and going by myself...

I went to the Bridewell Museum today and watched up to an hour worth of films on life in different era's in the city of Norwich, including come early black and white film from 1902. Amazing stuff really...and so much more community spirit back then despite awful living conditions.

And what do we get? Oh our generation complain because they didn't get an xbox and then take their schadenfreude out on the nearest innocent victim. Ungrateful....

The museum visit also had an old chemists display..very interesting if you are interested in the history of pharmaceuticals etc. The way the chemist used to hand make the tablets...

The process took so long the person stood next to me whilst the video was playing quipped "and you would be dead by the time you got them"! It was really funny and very well timed. Made me laugh.

The Bridewell also used to be a prison. So many people sent there for things like 'being distracted' (as in mentally ill) and 'not of right mind'. Also for things like being 'idle' and not having a job. Good job we don't sent the umemployed to prison these days...overcrowding?

I am now sat in the Library in the Forum in Norwich on one of their computers telling anyone who wants to read my post all about it.

Anyway, If the world would get it's head out of its arse and stop its obsession with Ego and Schadenfreude we might all be able to experience enjoying and exploring all life has to offer without the bitterness of a few people ruining it for everyone else.

Does no one in this world respect the beauty and wonder of life?

Too much to ask for I guess...this is why I get so depressed and why i think spending time with other animals, but not with humans, might be better (excluding a few who feel the same way as I do).

So much out there to learn about and all people care about is their bloody social status?

Sick of it.

Oh and people don't deserve anything just because you don't like them. If you don' t like them leave them alone. All your schadenfreude shows is your jealousy and jealousy is an ugly emotion.



ghost1
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14 Dec 2013, 3:20 pm

thanks for the replies you have sent so far yeah I think they are just ***holes that derive pleasure from other people suffering...I thought it would subside when I get a bit older but its stronger than ever...I sometimes look at other people and their body language and try and walk more confidently but members of my family tell me there is nothing wrong with the way I walk so I thought it must be something to do with facial expression's maybe I look anxious or angry or something so I try and look and feel calm this works for a while then your old feelings creep back and it starts all over again...I thinks its best to surround yourself with people who understand and accept you and avoid those who practice schadenfreude lol...



ghost1
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14 Dec 2013, 3:21 pm

thanks for the replies you have sent so far yeah I think they are just ***holes that derive pleasure from other people suffering...I thought it would subside when I get a bit older but its stronger than ever...I sometimes look at other people and their body language and try and walk more confidently but members of my family tell me there is nothing wrong with the way I walk so I thought it must be something to do with facial expression's maybe I look anxious or angry or something so I try and look and feel calm this works for a while then your old feelings creep back and it starts all over again...I thinks its best to surround yourself with people who understand and accept you and avoid those who practice schadenfreude lol...



ghost1
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14 Dec 2013, 3:23 pm

sorry posted it again by accident >



OliveOilMom
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14 Dec 2013, 3:41 pm

fondoftrees wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
What I do when somebody makes a comment that I think is rude and meant for me I stop and look at the person with a curious look like they said something to me but I just didn't hear them right. I say "Excuse me? Did you have something you wanted to say to me?" and keep a neutral curious expression on my face. It stops them cold. They are all brave when they say sh** under their breath or mumble it and keep going but most aren't so brave when you calmly and courteously ask them what they said. They usually say "Nothing, my mistake" or something like that and then I smile and say "No problem".

It usually makes them feel lower than dirt.



I've been bullied all of my life by different people who are all the same kind of intense crazy. On a few occasions I asked them, straight up, "are you talking to me?", because I just can't understand why they'd start something with me. They totally replied "yes" and then proceeded to rip me to shreds with their negative view of me. That's the kind of disgusting, vindictive, unusual bullying I have generally attracted. The kind that cannot even be rationalised with because they're that determined to start a problem. In short, I really wish your method worked for me! Maybe I'm not fierce enough when I inquire. haha



I always ask very politely, like maybe they asked me what time it was and I didn't hear them. Usually they are so taken aback that they shutup, because it's obvious that I heard them, I just want them to look me in the eye and repeat it to my face.

However, if they say something ugly to me, they get it back in spades. I'll make them cry before I'm done ripping them a new as*hole. I won't raise my voice or threaten them either, I will just insult them and say the things that other people may think about them but nobody will say. And I'll do it extremely meanly. That's what you do when they rip you to shreds. Just listen to them, let them finish and then rip every little bit of self esteem and self worth they have out of them and metaphorically s**t all over it and throw it back at them like monkeys do.



bumble
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14 Dec 2013, 3:58 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
fondoftrees wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
What I do when somebody makes a comment that I think is rude and meant for me I stop and look at the person with a curious look like they said something to me but I just didn't hear them right. I say "Excuse me? Did you have something you wanted to say to me?" and keep a neutral curious expression on my face. It stops them cold. They are all brave when they say sh** under their breath or mumble it and keep going but most aren't so brave when you calmly and courteously ask them what they said. They usually say "Nothing, my mistake" or something like that and then I smile and say "No problem".

It usually makes them feel lower than dirt.



I've been bullied all of my life by different people who are all the same kind of intense crazy. On a few occasions I asked them, straight up, "are you talking to me?", because I just can't understand why they'd start something with me. They totally replied "yes" and then proceeded to rip me to shreds with their negative view of me. That's the kind of disgusting, vindictive, unusual bullying I have generally attracted. The kind that cannot even be rationalised with because they're that determined to start a problem. In short, I really wish your method worked for me! Maybe I'm not fierce enough when I inquire. haha




However, if they say something ugly to me, they get it back in spades. I'll make them cry before I'm done ripping them a new as*hole. I won't raise my voice or threaten them either, I will just insult them and say the things that other people may think about them but nobody will say. And I'll do it extremely meanly. That's what you do when they rip you to shreds. Just listen to them, let them finish and then rip every little bit of self esteem and self worth they have out of them and metaphorically sh** all over it and throw it back at them like monkeys do.


How do you do this please? Can you provide examples.

When i try to defend myself or have a go back at people I end up sounding like a violent psycho when I am not, I am actually a very gentle person even if a little strange at times. I just do not know how to handle it when I am under personal attack. I panic.



OliveOilMom
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14 Dec 2013, 6:05 pm

bumble wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
fondoftrees wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
What I do when somebody makes a comment that I think is rude and meant for me I stop and look at the person with a curious look like they said something to me but I just didn't hear them right. I say "Excuse me? Did you have something you wanted to say to me?" and keep a neutral curious expression on my face. It stops them cold. They are all brave when they say sh** under their breath or mumble it and keep going but most aren't so brave when you calmly and courteously ask them what they said. They usually say "Nothing, my mistake" or something like that and then I smile and say "No problem".

It usually makes them feel lower than dirt.



I've been bullied all of my life by different people who are all the same kind of intense crazy. On a few occasions I asked them, straight up, "are you talking to me?", because I just can't understand why they'd start something with me. They totally replied "yes" and then proceeded to rip me to shreds with their negative view of me. That's the kind of disgusting, vindictive, unusual bullying I have generally attracted. The kind that cannot even be rationalised with because they're that determined to start a problem. In short, I really wish your method worked for me! Maybe I'm not fierce enough when I inquire. haha




However, if they say something ugly to me, they get it back in spades. I'll make them cry before I'm done ripping them a new as*hole. I won't raise my voice or threaten them either, I will just insult them and say the things that other people may think about them but nobody will say. And I'll do it extremely meanly. That's what you do when they rip you to shreds. Just listen to them, let them finish and then rip every little bit of self esteem and self worth they have out of them and metaphorically sh** all over it and throw it back at them like monkeys do.


How do you do this please? Can you provide examples.

When i try to defend myself or have a go back at people I end up sounding like a violent psycho when I am not, I am actually a very gentle person even if a little strange at times. I just do not know how to handle it when I am under personal attack. I panic.


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