I think I need "Act Like A Girl" lessons....

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It's been suggested that part of the reason I haven't had a whole lot of luck attracting men (besides being totally oblivious when they are hitting on me) is that I'm not "girly" enough. I would agree with this to a certain extent. Men seem to want to be my "buddy", not my lover. I'm not very feminine nor very romantic, and I'm not much interested in "woman-stuff" -- babies or weddings or Oprah or romantic comedies or shoes or a myriad other things, and I don't giggle and twirl my hair and bat my eyelashes when a man is around. I'm not "manly" in any way...I'm just me -- more comfortable in jeans and T-shirts, with a above-average IQ, a big appetite, and a bawdy twisted sense of humor. And when I talk to a man, I don't glom on his every word like he's Albert Einstein, and agree with every single thing he says.

So I need to learn how to be sexy and desirable in a female kind of way. The problem is that I don't even know how to START doing that. Even when I try to "strike a pose", I see that I'm mimicking men, not women. I guess I could learn it by watching women, but watching and listening to a group of women talking makes me want to gag -- all the giggling about nothing and the talking over each other and the swooning...makes me want to slit my wrists.

Any ideas? Should I just "fake it til I make it"? Or should I just not worry about it and either hope that some guy wants a woman like me (unlikely) or just accept that I'm going to be alone the rest of my life?

What about...no?

Since you can easily make buddies with guys then simply ask out the one you like.


You're not that girly after all so you should have the "balls" to do it .

Honest truth: a lot of guys are scared by a non-girly, selfconfident woman. They're scared they won't measure up, scared also of what their friends will think. I've had guys actually admit to me -- they're not proud of it, just honest -- that they want a woman who's going to pretend they're awesome, because they need that. I wonder also -- though I haven't asked any men about it, just thought of it now -- if there are guys who just honestly *don't know what to do* if a woman's not all girly. They've got this man role down pat, they feel like BS doing it but at least they know what to do if there's a girly girl cast opposite. Leave them just being themselves, and they have no idea what the hell to do on a date, or even if it's a date.

But that's not all men. I'd say don't worry about it. You may need -- I'm not joking about this, esp. if your hair's short, sad but true -- you may need to put the word out that you're straight and like men and would like to date, but some guy will likely spot you and do the chasing. You'll just have to notice.

I can not talk for all the men in the world.

I dont know how to talk to girly girls. I prefere to talk non girly girl but there is so few of them. I think that is why I am still single

I don't see anything wrong with being the way you are.

Sounds more interesting and fun then girly girls.

except during summer, most women wear pants here. but come somer 1/4 of them start wearing summer dresses, the others wear pants and short shorts.

for me its about personality and face. a playful personality will win me over and pretty face(most women) will too though a lesser extent, but its visual attraction can't help it.

for the things I'm interested in a less girly girl is more fun.

that said, playful personality will blind side me every time

I'm not the most manly man. I'm not fit, have no six pack, I don't enjoy sports, or mud. I am non conflict and violence. I'm too caring and kind.
guys tend to call me a inappropriate word starting with p.

Count me in as another member of the short hair/no make up/jeans and t-shirts brigade! There's some good advice in this thread. I do wonder if a lot of people just assume I'm not into men - maybe I do need to make it more obvious that I like them "that way".

I am not girly, either, and I've been happily married for 17 years.

It takes finding the right guy who appreciates the person you are, not changing yourself.

I will say, though, that it does help if you find a guy who is smarter than you or in some way surpasses you at something so you can be a bit in awe of him.

Webalina;

Please be yourself!

I'm not attracted to real "girly girls." I must admit that I'm attracted to feminine attributes, and not masculine attributes. I'm not attracted to androgyny, either. But I like a strong woman who doesn't "hang on my every word." I don't think Einstein's wife or wives hung onto his every word.

I like a woman whom I could hike with; women can't hike with high heels. I hate it when a woman takes a long time to dress; just put on a tee-shirt and jeans. Sun dresses are great, too, and they actually turn me on! I find most women never need make-up; they're beautiful just the way they are.

When a woman looks like a model, yet is decayed inside, I could smell the gangrene!

I enjoy being an equal partner with a woman. I like to affectionately playfight a little (not with violent intent).

I don't like hierarchy in anything. I'd rather go to a restaurant and pick up my own food, rather than have a waiter/waitress. My mother likes to have doormen and such (for security reasons). I don't like to have a doorman open a door for me--I don't like that whole set up!
I believe a man and a woman must be equal partners in everything.

I do like a feminine voice, and curves and such. I like it when a woman sleeps on my chest or lies on my lap. I like to comfort a lady when she's vulnerable.

I'm not attracted to the "bull-dyke" type at all--but if I happen to fall in love with one with that sort of appearance, so be it.

Please be yourself, Webalina!

Oh, I feel for you. I grew up in Texas and still have family and a house there. Even in the urban areas, gender roles are pretty entrenched. I'm tiny but androgynous, so I didn't fit the mold of what a desirable TX woman is supposed to be for a long time. I was even called "sir" once when I was wearing house renovation clothes.

Unfortunately, clothing matters. Wear what you already do most of the time, but throw in a "girlier" outfit every once in a while when you're around someone you want to attract. I like jeans and T-shirts, too, so I choose figure-flattering jeans and blouses or girl-cut tees when I want to make a more feminine impression. If there's a particular friend you're attracted to, make sure you wear this more flattering outfit around him. A Halloween costume party is the perfect occasion to wear an outfit that's much sexier than you would normally wear and make your male friends realize you have lady-parts, if that's what you're wanting to do.

There's also a type of vibe that most people give out when they're looking for someone. Cutesy-flirty isn't going to work for you, so you'll have to choose a different one. You say that you have a bawdy sense of humor. Use that to your advantage to let men know, "Hey, I think about sex." You have to strike the right balance with that, though. Too sailorish, and it can be overwhelming. Have you ever seen "My Best Friend's Wedding?" I'm thinking of the scene at the ballpark where Julia Roberts slinks by and says, "I've got moooves you've never seen." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMnjrdJvasM She's confident, in control, and she makes them think she has something they want.

There also might be the problem that the right guy for you doesn't live in your area. I didn't find the right guy until my husband moved from the Pacific Northwest to Texas. I had to have mine shipped in! That's a harder case to deal with.

Please don't try to be feminine and play a stereotypical gender role. I hate it when people are forced into those kind of roles. I've been told many times that I should be more "manly". And that I need to be able to "protect my woman", whatever that means (I guess if society reverts back to whacking each other with clubs, and women become objects?). Don't try to fit your gender stereotype, be whoever you are.

Personally, I would much rather be flirted with than make the first move. I like flowers, and gardening, and cooking, and otome games. I'm pretty tsundere, and will need to be pursued because I won't do the pursuing. It makes me really uncomfortable to try to fit into a stereotypical male role, so I'm not going to do it. I think we would all be better off if people quit trying to fit how they think they should be. I don't find it even remotely attractive when girls act like you describe. I'd rather they act however makes them comfortable.

There will be people out there somewhere who like you however you are. Plus if you tried to pretend, they'd probably see through it eventually.

(Also, nobody ever assumes I'm gay. Even if I actively hit on men. I have a masculine appearance, so people expect me to be manly. Sigh. Oh Kanji Tatsumi, I know your woes well.)

So that's probably my problem, I am thought to be gay.

You don't have to act girly and gigly and like babies and Oprah to be attractive to men. However, most men do like feminine, friendly, well taken care of women. So take care of yourself, would be my advice.

As I've said in other threads, if you dress up in a way that makes you think you look great or beautiful, you end up getting looked at a lot more. Comfortable on its own is nice, but ordinary. You can find pretty clothes that are comfortable.

Don't change how you are. If you were going to change anything, it would be to develop yourself more.

I feel that no one should need to have "Act Like A Girl" lessons. My advice is to act naturally and if a man likes you as you are, he'll come to you.